How to Get Away with Murder

Chapter 1

My Name Is Denver Brady, and I Am a Serial Killer

I am currently the most successful active serial killer in the Western world. I don’t say this to impress you—it’s a simple fact.

There are approximately one hundred and fifty serial killers in operation at any given moment.

The accepted definition of a serial killer is a person who makes three or more kills with more than five days in between them.

I became a serial killer before my twentieth birthday, and I have operated unimpeded since then.

For most killers, murder chooses them.

In my case, I chose murder.

I am not driven by base urges, nor motivated by childhood trauma; this is a cliché, a caricature created by governments, medical professionals and entertainment giants. Their aim is to comfort the wider public. To perpetuate the myth that killers aren’t killers simply because we want to be.

I am here to dispel that myth, along with many others.

I am not a psychopath, a sociopath nor a sadist. There is no chemical imbalance in my brain. I was not abused, nor dropped on the head by my mother. I have never hurt an animal and I was neither a bully, nor the bullied, in the school playground.

I chose my vocation in much the same way that you chose yours—or you should have, at least; I simply followed my interests.

While my classmates were reading books about children climbing through cupboards into imaginary worlds or dropping down rabbit holes, I was engrossed by the tales of Teddy Bundy, Mary Ann Cotton and Jeff Dahmer.

What started off as recreation blossomed into ambition, rooted in frustration at the mistakes of these high-profile killers.

Right when they reached their peak, they made error upon error until they were caught.

They were judged. And they were strapped to a chair, strung up or bludgeoned with a barbell in the prison gym.

Their errors were created by their growing base urges.

Their inability to master their own desires.

Pathetic ends to supreme reigns.

It was some time in early boyhood that I realized I could outdo them all if I put my mind to it.

So I did. I still do.

And it’s precisely because I have outdone my predecessors and contemporaries that I am entirely unheard of.

Across the coming pages, I will teach you everything you need to know about getting away with murder.

You will discover my methods and practices.

Not only will you learn, in great detail, about the crimes that I’ve got away with, but also how I’ve avoided being on the radar of law enforcement.

I’ll blend anecdote with advice and information for budding killers such as yourself.

I might throw in a joke or two; even serial killers have a sense of humor.

Everything I write here will be true, although I do reserve the right to modify details for my own protection—and to have a little fun with you from time to time.

I write this book for two reasons. Firstly, notoriety—I am self-aware enough to know that I crave it.

Like any master, I create for myself, but my work deserves to be appreciated.

But while I live for my art, I am unwilling to trade my last breath or my freedom for it, as many have been obliged to do—hence the pseudonym.

Secondly, I hope to inspire a new generation of serial killers to outperform our frustrating forebears.

As I write this introduction, my mind drifts to a question: how many will pluck this book from the shelf, and for what reasons?

Idle curiosity, maybe. A shallow mind drawn in by the cover?

Are my words merely a tonic for a boring commute?

A diversion from an unhappy marriage, perhaps?

A distraction from life in middle-class suburbia?

Maybe you fear becoming a victim and want to learn how serial killers operate, so that you can attempt to thwart us and live another day.

Your motivations interest me, as much as mine interest you.

If you picked up this book because you truly want to get away with murder, though, you will not be disappointed. Simply turn the page, and we’ll get started.