Chapter 16
Thane couldn’t get the encounter with Cat out of his mind, no matter how much he tried to think of other things.
Any other things. But the reports of the last wool harvest lacked the urgency needed to distract him from the memory of Cat’s lips on his, the way she briefly—so briefly—seemed to be in perfect resonance with him.
Until the moment he pushed things too far, when she snapped back to her former frostiness and left.
What had he said? Probably the phrase kitty cat, which was, granted, much too soft and sweet and familiar for her.
He didn’t even know why it came out, other than that he was so fully occupied with the idea of Cat in his arms that there was no room left in his brain for intelligent thought.
Clearly, it wasn’t his brain that had been in control just then.
But Christ, for one minute, it had felt perfect.
But it was an illusion. And he needed to stop letting the illusion rule his actions. In short, he needed to give his body what it was craving, so the cravings would fade.
He immediately thought of Andra. She’d be delighted to indulge every wild notion he voiced, plus a few more he’d probably not even imagined.
Yes, taking Andra to bed would keep him occupied.
But he had a hunch that he’d still be thinking of Cat afterward.
Not to mention that he didn’t want to get involved with Andra again.
It would feel like stepping backward into the past. And the past was a place he did not want to go.
By midday, he admitted he was useless to do anything that required thought. So he rode to the village closest to the estate to visit with people he’d not seen in years. The residents greeted him with smiles, but some of those smiles were strained.
“God bless your return, MacPhearson,” one woman said, two small children clutching at her skirts. “We prayed for you while you were away. If you hadn’t come back, who knows who would have taken over.”
“My sisters, well, probably mostly Euphemia, would have seen to everything,” Thane reassured the woman.
“Is he here to send us away?” one of the children asked his mother in a small, nervous voice.
“Hush,” she warned her child. Then she said to Thane, “We’ve heard tales. So many folks are being cleared off the land. They say there’s opportunity in the cities, but we don’t want to leave.”
“No one’s leaving while I’m here,” Thane said.
He’d also heard stories of landowners declaring that tenants who’d farmed the land for generations suddenly had no rights to do so.
Apparently, there was some new breed of sheep that had proven more profitable for the owners.
Thane knew that much of the land in the Highlands was difficult to farm, but he didn’t see the reason in driving people away.
The people were the Highlands. And he’d be damned if he fought a war to keep his people safe, only to send them away in favor of some cud-chewing animals.
“You may tell everyone that Thane MacPhearson said so.”
Her expression melted into one of relief.
She offered Thane a glass of home-brewed ale and food, which he politely declined, knowing that every sip and bite the kitchen produced would be better used for the family.
He promised to send some the men from the castle to help patch up the roofs damaged by the winter winds, and rode on.
The village showed some disrepair, but that’s how it always was after winter.
At least, he remembered it that way. Was it worse than before?
Thane hated to think that his absence meant the people under his care suffered, but it had been a long absence, and he’d frankly pushed off the idea of settling down to do all the everyday duties that his father had done.
It had seemed so dull, and as a young man, he’d craved excitement.
Joining the army was the perfect solution for his restless soul.
But now he had to admit that perhaps he’d taken it too far, stayed away longer than he ought to, and relied too heavily on Effie to be the caretaker he should have been. Especially with her married now and no longer living at their family home, it was high time for him to take the reins.
It was in this gloomy frame of mind that he rode back to the castle. When he strode into the great hall, he saw Catriona sitting with Effie. He walked over to them, and Effie stood to embrace him.
“There you are,” she said. “Now you can keep our guest company,” she added with a significant look. “I’m off to take a wee nap. I’m so tired lately!”
“Oh, I’d hoped to talk about the estate with you,” he said, feeling that it was a weak excuse, even if it was true.
“A fine idea, but later,” Effie said. “I’ll see you both this evening.”
She left, carrying her knitting with her. Thane faced Cat, who regarded him steadily from her spot near the hearth. A cat indeed, he thought. Even her eyes held the same aloof and superior attitude.
“Where’ve you been all day?” he asked.
“Where have I been all day? Here, with Effie for company. She told me about the castle and the land, and pointed out all the things I ought to know.” At that moment, Cat glanced across the hall, and Thane saw how she was tracking Andra’s progress with narrowed eyes.
Oh, hell, had Effie told Cat that he and Andra had a history?
Then he winced. Effie wouldn’t have to. After all, Cat had seen Andra leave his study last night, her dress conspicuously askew.
“I hoped to find you earlier, but I had some tasks to attend to.” Despite his best efforts, he still sounded upset. “I wanted to speak to you.”
She frowned. “Why? Did you learn something from the men? Did you get news of Tacita? She’s all right, isn’t she? Oh, if anything happens to her—”
“Calm down, Cat. As far as I know, she’s fine, and the men are checking in with her every day until she sets sail. I have no more news than I did yesterday.”
“Then what did you want to talk about?”
He tilted his head, trying to decide if she was really that naive. No, Catriona was far too intelligent for that. So he said bluntly, “Us.”
“There is no us.” She actually looked horrified at the thought, which got him riled.
“Cat, will you pretend that last night didn’t happen?”
“I’m sure I could, if you agree to as well. No one ever needs to know about the kiss. It was obviously a mistake.”
How could she sound so unmoved by it?
He frowned. “I don’t intend to shout it from the rooftops, but I also don’t want to ignore what’s happening.”
“Nothing is happening.”
Ah, wait. He saw the color rise in her cheeks. She was not nearly as cool about this as she was pretending. He said, “You can deny it with your words, but I know you felt something.”
Cat set her jaw. “What I felt was annoyance.”
“What you felt was want.” He wouldn’t let this go until she admitted the truth. “And I felt it too. Stupid to lie about it to each other. So the question is, what do we do about it?”
She frowned. “I propose we do absolutely nothing. Or did you think that my presence here came with additional services?” Her tone dripped with disdain.
“I’m not suggesting anything like that. Christ. I’m just saying that we should avoid the chance of it happening again.”
“Ah. In that case, I fully agree. You seem to have your hands full anyway, what with all the demands of your…estate.” She nodded slightly toward Andra, who had just burst out into a flirtatious laugh as she bantered with one of the men in the hall.
“I’ve known Andra a very long time.”
“How nice for you,” Cat said with a false smile.
“I mean, there’s nothing between her and me. Besides…just knowing each other. Anyway, I don’t want to talk about Andra. I want to talk about us, and how to…maintain a proper distance.”
“Don’t kiss me,” she suggested.
“Fine. Don’t come into my study at night, alone.”
“Oh, so what happened is my fault? I’m Eve and I’m Delilah?”
“You’re maddening, is what you are. I’m trying to keep you safe, Cat. Your reputation as well as your life.”
“You’re talking as if anyone cares about my reputation,” she said, sneering. “Please remember that I am utterly unconcerned with the idea of being a pure and perfect virgin for some man to buy at the marriage mart.”
“Who would pay to live with a fury?” he retorted. “You’re not the only person in the world, Cat. If something happens, it affects me too.”
Her eyes widened.
“I don’t mean that you’ll be marched to the altar,” he said hastily. “I just mean that…I don’t want to break my own promise.”
“Your promise? Wait, have you got an understanding with some woman up here?” Cat looked truly alarmed now.
“No! I meant my promise to protect you. Which includes protecting you from…me.” He sighed. “What happened last night was my fault, Cat. I know it and I swear to you I didn’t plan it. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.”
“Nor I,” she admitted, her cheeks pink as she dropped her gaze. “It was so foolish. I thought you were making fun of me.”
“I wasn’t,” he assured her. “But it was monumentally daft, and I won’t do it again.”
“That would be for the best,” she murmured, still looking anywhere but at him. “But the fault wasn’t yours alone. I was…susceptible. And curious, I suppose. I’ve never kissed anyone before. Not like that.”
He swallowed. Cat had never kissed a man before him? Not even her one-time fiancé? Not once? He knew she was innocent, but not quite that innocent. “I’m sorry.”
“At least now I know,” she said, finally looking at him. “Perhaps I should thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” he said, smiling despite himself.
A slow answering smile warmed her expression. “Perhaps you’re welcome. I do hope it wasn’t too boring for you.”
He shook his head, unable to say any of the words that sprang to mind. Boring wasn’t one of them.
“I don’t want to fight anymore, Thane,” she said quietly, growing serious again.
“I know you don’t like me, but you have…
” She stopped, and seemed to struggle for words—Cat, who lived with words.
She went on, “You’ve done more for me than I could ever ask, and I know you did it for Brodie, not me. But I’m still grateful.”
“It’s…” He also fought for what to say. “I’ll see it through.” Damn it, that wasn’t what he wanted to tell her, but he was feeling so muddled now.
“I know. And I hope it won’t be too long before the other men discover something, and Tacita gets here, and all will be as it was before.”
“Yes,” he said. Though how the hell could everything ever return to how it was before? Before, he hadn’t known Cat at all. Before, Brodie had been alive. Before, Thane was a different man.