Chapter 23
Cat woke at some time during the very late night. She blinked, confused for a long moment as she hovered between worlds. She wasn’t sure where she was—this was not her bedroom, and the night bird outside wasn’t any she’d heard in the city.
Then the memory of the previous evening rushed back. All the things Thane had done to her, for her. And all the things he’d allowed her to do to him.
Cat recalled the intensity of her body’s reactions, and wondered why virginity was considered important at all when deciding on a match.
What should matter was how absolutely blissful one could feel when being touched so intimately.
Cat had tried to deny her attraction to Thane ever since she met him.
But last night burned away all the lies she told herself.
She wanted Thane as she hadn’t wanted anything else in her life.
She waited for a sense of shame to come over her.
After all, hadn’t she just committed the one single act that an unmarried lady of her class must never ever do?
And while Cat might have made the argument that she ought to have done it long before, as a matter of principle, just to ruin herself for marriage and therefore remove her name from contention for the rest of her life, the fact was that she’d always harbored a secret belief that to actually cross that line would damn her in a different way.
Not that she believed it was an unforgivable sin—Cat had been taught that any sin could be forgiven if the sinner felt true remorse and contrition.
But to transgress like that would…lessen her.
Make her into a creature that valued physical desire more than the intellectual and moral pursuits she’d always admired.
Still, no shame. Only the pleasantly hazed memory of all the ways she’d discovered her body could bring joy, not just to her but to Thane as well.
She recalled more than one time that he had reached for her and kissed just one part of her—her earlobe, her shoulder, her collarbone—when he thought she wasn’t paying attention.
His mouth always held such heat, and he always inhaled as if he were about to say something of tremendous importance…
but then he just laid a kiss on her, brief but searing.
And Cat realized that was the important message. This need to touch and connect.
In the dark, it was easier. Since losing her bother and then mother, Cat never liked to look people in the eye too long, even those people she held great affection for. It invited too much scrutiny. They might ask questions. They might pull Cat out of her own little world and back into theirs.
Which was exactly what Thane had done, even though he’d done it for Brodie’s sake and not her own. He’d brought her into his world. Though he surely never meant for them to grow intimate when he whisked her up to the Highlands on that cursed ship.
But it happened, and now Cat was ruined as far as any traditional, respectable gentleman was concerned. Good, she thought. There’s one problem solved.
It did bring up a new problem, which was how she was going to face Thane in the full light of day, among other people, and behave normally. How could she sit across from him at dinner and ask him to pass the salt after he’d licked salty sweat off her stomach while telling her to spread her legs?
No part of her education had covered this eventuality. She imagined bringing it up as a hypothetical during the next meeting of the ladies’ league, and laughed as she pictured the shocked faces around the table.
It was too early to stir, so she remained in the bed.
Not to sleep—her mind was too full. All she could think of was the absolute magic that happened when Thane overwhelmed her with so much pleasure that she forgot to think.
It was marvelous and blissful and she couldn’t wait to feel it again.
Something told her that it wasn’t just the physical act.
If she touched herself now, she’d feel good for a glimmering moment, but it wouldn’t reach her mind.
Thane had somehow pulled all the dismal emptiness out of her, just for a while. Maybe it was the novelty. Maybe if she spent another night with him, it wouldn’t be as…transcendent.
There was only one way to be sure. She smiled to herself, thinking that Thane should be easy enough to persuade to continue the experiment. He seemed to be quite enthusiastic about helping her last night.
She slid her hand down her belly, then lower.
She thought of Thane, but not so much what he’d done to her as how he felt under her hands, and how he smelled, and the way she heard the rumble as he spoke while her head lay on his chest. It was a pity he was so unreasonable about literally everything else.
It would be rather nice if they didn’t end up fighting all the time, because he did have some good qualities…
Cat stifled a moan as she reached her peak. Her body relaxed, but the glow lingered only a moment. Yes, as expected. There was something different about being with him, as opposed to being alone.
With a start, Cat realized that being alone was a thing she’d never really been before, not till a few months ago, when the invisible cord between her and her twin snapped, and the cord that tied her to her mother suddenly unraveled, and she was adrift.
And she was terrified that she’d remain adrift, and that the darkness she was always turning away from was the sea she’d be drifting in forever.
As she mused, dawn crept in and turned charcoal shadows to blue, and then outlined all the furniture and the walls and the ceiling until at some point that no one could ever quite capture, night gave way to day.
Even in this light, the shame never arrived. Cat waited a bit longer, and then decided she might as well get on with her day. She went to the window. At the far edge of her vision, she saw a single rider moving fast, away from Kinlochlie. She frowned, hoping it wasn’t some herald of disaster.
* * * *
It was midmorning and Thane was in his study, pretending to go through the endless correspondence that came with administering any estate, and which had piled up during his absence.
But really, he just stared at nothing, lost in thoughts about Cat.
Some were pleasant—very pleasant—and others were downright alarming.
He’d made a grand mess of things, for certain.
He wasn’t entirely surprised when Cat entered the room. He was practically screaming her name in his mind.
“Are you busy?” she asked.
He shook his head.
Cat closed the door behind her and stepped into the room. “I had to talk with you,” Cat said, looking—well, not shy, but uncertain. Which was unusual enough that he couldn’t ignore her.
“Cat, what happened last night…I’m sorry.”
She frowned. “You are? I thought you…enjoyed it?”
“It’s not that.” He’d happily sign his soul away to guarantee a few more nights as enjoyable as that one. “I took advantage of you.”
“You certainly did not. I made the choice for myself.” Her frown changed to a more familiar one, the frown of the furious emancipated woman. For some reason, this time it didn’t raise his hackles. Now it made him want to laugh. How adorable Cat was when she got salty.
Carefully hiding any hint of delight at her anger, Thane said, “All I meant was that I hope you don’t regret anything.”
“I regret nothing.” She raised her chin. “In fact, I consider myself remiss for not seeking out the experience years ago.”
Like hell. “With who?” Thane demanded. “Your quickly discarded fiancé?”
“Oh, no, not him.” Cat looked disgusted. “I suppose I would have had to…sort through some potential partners. It would have been a bother.”
“Damn right, it would have been a bother. You’d have been ostracized if you tried.”
“It’s not fair. Women don’t get to take charge of their own pleasure. One must simply hope for the best.”
He couldn’t stop a grin now. “You’re welcome.”
“I didn’t say you were the best!” She made a face. “Lord, you must think I’m ready to fall at your feet just because you relieved me of my virginity.”
“Wouldn’t mind you falling at my feet,” he said, knowing that it was a dirty thing to say and saying it anyway. He wanted to see her reaction. Something in him loved getting Cat’s blood up.
Her mouth opened in surprise as she registered the innuendo. “You’re not serious.”
“I can be if you are,” he told her, his voice dropping as he pictured Cat kneeling in front of him. “Or you can tell me what you’d like to do. I’m very willing to compromise.”
Perhaps not the best word in this situation, but then, Cat was already compromised.
Her head still lowered, Cat looked at him through her eyelashes, a move that would have seemed cheap if it were calculated. But he knew it wasn’t.
“Now? Here?” she whispered. Her voice was tight…with excitement, he realized.
“Yes. Anything you like, kitty cat. Come over here,” he ordered. She stepped around the desk, and Thane pulled her atop him, her skirts tangling around his thighs as he ran his hands up her torso, skimming the silky fabric as he sensed the heat of her skin underneath.
“It’s daytime,” she whispered, even as she slid her hands under his jacket and gripped his shoulders.
“This is daft,” he agreed. “Tell me if you want to stop.”
“I don’t. What will we do?” Hunger flashed in Cat’s eyes, along with something darker, something that felt familiar and also too frightening for Thane to name right now. Instead, he kissed her deeply.
Cat’s eyes slid closed, and her lips parted as she released a soft oh of pleasure at his touch. Thane didn’t need more of an invitation than that. He palmed her breasts, rolling his hands over them, reveling in the fact that she leaned into it, pressing her breasts into his hands.
“I can think of a few things you might enjoy,” he told her. There were so many things he wanted to show her that he would have to make a list.
He was kissing his way down her chest, intending to free her breasts from the gown, when a knock on the door froze them.
Cat’s eyes flew open and she started to scramble off him.
“Steady,” he murmured, helping her off his lap and onto her feet. He let go of her waist with a sense of regret. “No one will come in till I say.”
“There’s only one door. They’ll know I’m in here. They’ll guess what we were—”
“Trust me, Cat. No one will say anything. If you like, you can insult me while our visitor is present. I know how you like that.”
“Go to hell,” she said sweetly.
“Ah, that’s my kitty cat.”
She rolled her eyes and strode over to the narrow window, looking out.
Thane made sure his clothes were more or less in place. He couldn’t do anything about his obvious erection other than stay seated behind the desk.
“Enter!” he called out, grabbing a piece of paper to uphold the pretense that he was merely working in his study, and not about to ravish Cat at ten in the morning.
It was one of the men who stood on guard duty, an older, grim-faced ex-sailor. If he wondered why Cat was in the room, he said nothing about it.
“Beg pardon, sir,” the man said, carefully not looking at Catriona at all. “There are strangers approaching the castle.”
Thane dropped the paper he’d been holding, the news alarming enough to shove all thoughts of lust from his mind. “From where?”
“Village road. Two men, both on horseback. One of the guards signaled earlier, and I just saw them a moment ago.”
“I’ll be up to look for myself in a moment. Resume your post.”
“Aye, sir.” The man left at double speed.
“Could they be here for me?” Cat asked nervously, looking over at Thane. “Maybe there’s not just one man trying to kill me, but two?”
“We’ll find out soon enough.” Thane took her hand, escorting her to the door. “The tower walk will have the best view. And I’ve got a spyglass.”
They hurried there, Cat keeping pace behind him on the winding stairs.
At the top, another guard merely pointed to a couple of specks on the landscape.
The castle had such a commanding view that the riders were miles away from the gate…
but they could be seen. It was one of the reasons Kinlochlie had been built where it was.
Thane held up his spyglass and scanned the area, pausing when he saw movement.
“What can you see?” Cat asked anxiously. “Should we be worried? Do they look dangerous?”
Thane silenced her with a gesture, and kept focusing on the riders.
Squinting, he started to make out details.
Both men, both armed—and not lightly. One dark haired and one practically blond.
The dark-haired one was bigger, so big that he required a massive stallion to ride properly.
It was a far distance, but Thane could sense the determination in both of the riders.
These men had a purpose, and no one would deter them from it.
“Yes, they’re dangerous,” he said, offering the spyglass to Cat. “It’s Struan and Calan.”