Things Do Not Return To Normal
DAWN FOUND ME back at the meadow. I hadn’t slept well. With the memory of yesterday’s pain fresh, I stayed inside the bounds to watch the sun rise. The days were growing shorter at this time of year, and I was glad of my coat where I sat on the old stump.
The distinctive slicing sound of tūī wings made me turn.
I narrowed my eyes when the bird landed on the stump next to me and transformed into a man—a fae.
It was the first time I’d seen his whole face, unmasked, and he was as sickeningly beautiful as I’d suspected.
He stood looking down at me, impossibly regal with his long silver-tipped black hair pulled back from the strong lines of his face.
The dawnlight was doing its best to highlight his features in the most flattering way possible, not that that was difficult.
The light caught in his dark feathers, turning them to a blue-green metallic.
His antlers were covered in fine velvet, a detail I hadn’t noticed last night. Did he shed them each year like a deer?
I got to my feet, refusing to be loomed over. Although, since he was quite a bit taller than me, it didn’t reduce the looming as much as I’d hoped.
We stared at each other. I crossed my arms.
“Can we try this again?” he said after a moment. “I handled things badly last night.”
I continued to cross my arms, with more emphasis.
My silence flustered him. I suppose kings aren’t used to having to explain themselves.
“I didn’t invite you last night in order to mock you,” he said hastily. “I owe you a debt worth more than a feather and a song. I offered you your freedom in exchange for saving my life.”
“I didn’t save your life, though, did I? You could have magicked your way free. You don’t owe me anything,” I said, even though the word ‘freedom’ sent a little jerk of electricity through me.
“You didn’t know that at the time, and yet you saved me at the cost of your own pain. I will stand the debt. Will you tell me how you came to be part of House Bloodthorn?”
I swallowed, unsure whether I should let myself feel any hope, and still thoroughly annoyed with his deceit, high-handed non-apology, and the effect his beauty was having on my pulse rate.
I remembered how his body had felt against mine and then told myself I didn’t remember any such thing.
“You’ve been demanding a lot of personal information.
That’s not how normal conversation works, you know. ”
His feathers rustled as he considered this. “Very well. You may ask me something personal too, then, and I will answer as best I can.”
I laughed. “Is everything in your life a series of carefully measured exchanges?”
“A great deal of it.” He smiled. The smile transformed him, revealing a glimpse of a real person in the heart of the arrogant fae king. “I will be generous and not count that as your question. Ask.” A fine thread of tension gathered in his body.
What should I ask him? The twelve houses would want to know who he was going to pick as his bride—that would be a valuable piece of information to have, but I couldn’t see how I’d use it. Besides, everyone would find that out anyway in another two days.
“What would you choose to do, if you weren’t a king?” I asked.
The line of tension in him eased, but a small crease formed between his brows.
“I have never thought about it before; I’ve always been destined for the throne.
” He looked down at his hands. “I like making things,” he said, as if he were confessing a state secret.
“Perhaps I would be a woodworker, though I suspect I would be a rather poor one.”
“Most people don’t start off being brilliant at things. I’d expect you’d get better with practice.”
The intensity of his regard made me suck in a breath.
He had long, inky-dark eyelashes, and in the bright morning I could see that his irises were deep brown rather than true black.
The world slowed, the only sound the cicadas and the occasional calls of birds.
I had that peculiar feeling of being seen again, as if my soul lay bare beneath his gaze.
“I will comfort myself with that thought in my hypothetical carpentry career,” he said, and for a moment I wondered what on earth he was talking about, I’d become so distracted. “What would you do, if you were free to choose?”
I was tempted to point out this wasn’t the information he’d bargained for but decided to be generous, since he was making an effort at conversation.
“Find some sort of job, I suppose. Try to make a living. I’d enjoy having my own house and managing it, if I could afford to have one.
Go out in public as myself—” I cut myself off before I revealed too much. “A very boring answer.”
He smiled again, and my heart gave a traitorous thump. Smiles like that shouldn’t be allowed. “A very practical answer. Would you return to the mortal world, then, if you could?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t know if there would be any more place for me there than here.
” I looked beyond the meadow, to the wildness of the Golden Wood, where ponga ferns and young tarata saplings now grew beneath ancient oaks.
“I’d miss the wood. And my stepsisters. Have you ever been to Mortal? ”
He looked at his hands. “Once, as a boy. My father took me to see one of the great festivals, and we cast illusions so that we might pass as humans. It was … interesting. I haven’t had time to return since. Will you tell me now how you came to Faerie and House Bloodthorn?”
I sighed, sank down onto the stump, and told him the story.
I WAS SUPPOSED to be royalty.
Lord Bloodthorn thought that was what he’d bargained for when he agreed to aid my human father in a bloody succession war in the mortal world. Firstborns are a traditional price for such fae bargains.
Lord Bloodthorn helped make my father a king, and in exchange expected control of the infant prince, the royal heir.
I think Lord Bloodthorn had some notion of one day marrying my stepsisters into royalty, or at least holding significant sway over a human nation.
Even humans can be acceptable if they’re titled enough, I suppose.
This, however, was where I came in. I was born out of wedlock a month before the young prince, to one of the castle’s scullery maids.
My father knew about it—he’d organised to have my mother packed off and wed to a farmer, far from the capital, the moment he learnt of her pregnancy.
They tell tales of his cleverness in his kingdom, how he outsmarted a fae, won a throne, and saved his heir.
If the stories mention me at all, it’s generally assumed I got a good bargain too. After all, surely a servant’s bastard ought to be grateful to be adopted by a lord, even a fae one?
TāWHIRI GAVE ME a sidelong glance after I’d finished. He had taken up a position leaning against one of the non-carnivorous trees as I told my tale. “How do you know what tales they tell in Mortal, if you’ve never been back?”
“Lord Bloodthorn.”
He frowned. “He told you a human kingdom tells tales about him being outsmarted?”
“No, but he wouldn’t be so sore about it if they didn’t. I filled in the blanks from what he did say: my real father didn’t want me, I ought to be endlessly grateful to House Bloodthorn for keeping me despite the treachery of selfish mortals, and so on and so forth,” I said lightly.
“Your real father cared enough to make Lord Bloodthorn promise to adopt you into his household and raise you as his own. That’s not traditionally part of a firstborn bargain,” Tāwhiri said. He saw my expression. “But that doesn’t make up for what he did. I am sorry.”
My throat felt oddly thick. No one had ever said that to me before. I looked at my feet and gave my tear ducts a stern talking to.
“Marry me.”
My head came up. “What?”
He coloured, as if he’d shocked himself nearly as much as me. “I, ah, meant to lead into that rather more elegantly.”
I gaped at him but managed to croak: “You don’t even know me.”
“I know that you are bold, intelligent, and kind.” His voice, which had started unsteadily, grew more confident as he spoke, until he was listing off reasons like you’d categorise a horse’s assets.
His gaze dropped briefly to my lips, and for a moment blood pounded in my ears, but then he looked away and I realised of course desire wouldn’t feature on his list. Why would it, when I was ordinary and human, and he had fae beauties of every house vying for his attention? Why did I even care?
He continued: “I know that you do not lust after the throne for power’s sake.
I know that you would rescue a helpless creature if it was in your power to do so, even at some cost to yourself.
That puts you ahead of all the other candidates.
I have to marry someone, and I have very little time to make that choice.
Good marriages have been built on less.”
I stared at him. He seemed perfectly serious.
“You want to tweak everyone’s noses for forcing you into this,” I said slowly. It was the only plausible reason I could think of, and never mind his pretty words.
“Ah … Yes, that too,” he admitted. “It will also avoid giving power to any of the twelve houses over another, which is a greatly desirable outcome. We exist peaceably because we are in balance. If I were to choose your sister Acantha, or the Sweetgrass heir, or any of the other favourites …”
“Be still, my beating heart. And what do I get out of this?” I took refuge in flippancy. It was obvious what I got out of this; I just couldn’t believe it was being offered.
“I am a king,” he said stiffly. “You would be queen of the Golden Wood, with the associated luxuries and powers. But also, if you are bound to me, it will unbind you from this manor. You will be free of your dawn-curse. Not freedom in its entirety, but freedom from that, at least.”
“I already said I’m not holding you to that debt.”
“And I said I would repay it anyway. Will you consider it?” His wings shifted restlessly. “I must go. I will see you tonight?” He remembered to make it a question rather than a command right at the end of the sentence.
I didn’t say yes, but I didn’t say no either, and he seemed to realise this was about as good as he was going to get right now. He bowed and spread his great wings, transforming as he took flight.
I watched the dark speck of the tūī until it was out of sight, then drew my knees up to my chin and wrapped my arms around my legs. My heart was still hammering like a wild thing. I needed to think.