Chapter Eleven
Mia
W ork fails to stop me from replaying last night’s events in a never-ending loop. From the beginning to the end, all I can think about is my exchange with Jake and that stunned expression on his face. Why would he look at me that way? I told him what he seemingly wanted to hear…
But what if it wasn’t?
Ugh, I’m so confused. Why would he twist our conversation into making me admit I’m dating Vance if that isn’t what he wanted to hear?
Jake didn’t force me; I chose to lie to him.
Okay, but what was I supposed to do? He had me feeling cornered, and he wouldn’t get off my back. He seemed so convinced I was in a relationship with Vance. I thought that was what he wanted to hear. Now I’m not sure.
Regardless, this is a total mind fuck. Why does Jake care so much about my love life? Is this another trick so he can report all the dirt back to my brother…or is there more to the story? And why do I feel guilty?
My phone rings, pulling me from my thoughts. I glance at the caller ID. Vance. Just the person I need to talk to. The one who planted this seed of doubt in my head in the first place. The one who can help me make sense of this mess? God, I hope.
“Hi, Vance,” I answer.
“Hey, Knight. How are you doing?”
“I…don’t know.”
“Long day at work? Or something else bothering you?”
“Definitely something else.”
“What happened? Spill.”
I sigh. “Actually, I’m not sure.”
“Huh?”
“It’s…Jake related.”
“So you told him we’re ‘dating’.”
How did he guess? “I had no choice.”
I spend the next few minutes telling him about the odd argument Jake and I had last night when I got home. I even admit I feel guilty for lying.
When I’m finished, he laughs. “You’re in to him. I get it.”
“I can’t be.”
“You are. You always have been, and you’ll never stop. You might as well accept that.”
“That’s harsh.”
“But true. As for your argument, I’m not surprised at the way it unfolded. I’m especially not surprised by his reaction.”
He isn’t? “Why?”
“Because it proves my theory.”
“It does not. You said he’d lose his mind. He didn’t.”
“If you and I turn up the heat on our ‘relationship,’ he will. Give him time.”
“I don’t understand.” Trying to comprehend this conversation is like trying to untangle some crazy mental Jenga.
“I’m telling you, he cares for you more than he lets on.”
More than platonically? That’s Vance’s intimation. My heart flutters at the thought. I thought I gave up this feeling and shut away my heart a long time ago. Why can’t I control it now, the way I did then?
“He can’t. He shouldn’t.” If Vance is right, my brother will lose his shit.
“But he does,” he insists. “Did you and Jake talk any this morning?”
“No. I left for work early.” I did that mainly to avoid any awkwardness. I couldn’t face Jake. In my head, untangling whatever’s going on between us was a future-me problem. Unfortunately, the future is here, and present-me doesn’t appreciate my procrastination. Crap.
“Are you heading home soon?”
“In a few minutes. Why?” I can’t hide in my office forever. Sadly, office policy prohibits staying here overnight.
“Go home and watch what he does. Study the way he interacts with you. And if it feels right to be around him, don’t fight it. If you do, you’ll regret it.”
“What makes you think that?”
“Because I lost someone I cared about once, and I never got the chance to tell her how I felt. By the time I found the courage, it was too late.”
“I’m sorry. But I’m not you, Vance.”
“Nope, and I don’t want you to be. I’m just saying that I’m on your side.”
My urge to run from my growing feelings for Jake is there. But along with that urge comes another. This one insists I stay and embrace what could be a fantasy fulfilled. The feelings I thought I squashed long ago are blooming again, and I don’t know how to control it.
“I’m grateful for your advice, but I’m sure you didn’t call to hear me go on and on about my problems.”
“Well, I called to check on you, but also to thank you. Josie and I are having dinner tonight.”
I just texted Vance Josie’s phone number this morning. He works fast.
“It was the least I could do.” Especially when he’s given me so much food for thought. “Enjoy your date. Oh, she likes the color pink.”
“Good to know because I got her pink roses.”
Smart man. “Have fun. Enjoy your night. Bye!”
“Bye.” He hangs up.
And I’m left with my thoughts.
As I gather my stuff to leave the office, I continue my thoughts where I left off. The more I’m around Jake, the more I wrestle with my inner turmoil. Do I let go of my fears and tell him how I feel? Should I let myself hope he feels the same way about me? Or would I be better off keeping my feelings to myself?
I feel as though there’s this body of water I want to jump into, but I’m afraid because I only kinda-sorta know how to swim. What if it’s not safe? What if I drown? What if Jake is a shark who will swallow me whole?
On the other hand, one question circles my brain like a whirlpool and convinces me to take a leap a faith: what do I have to lose?