Chapter Thirteen
January 6
Mia
“ H e brought you dinner? Sounds promising.” Kami sounds giddy for me as I tell her about my “date” with Jake.
I never expected him to order pizza, much less invite me to eat with him. I enjoyed every second of it. The longer we talked, the closer to the surface my burning need bubbled. It’s something I’ve never felt. And the more I thought about luring him to my bed, the harder it became to ignore that feeling. Something has changed between us. Everything feels different.
Is this my younger self refusing to let go of the past? Maybe. And I probably just need to move on.
But I feel stuck on Jake Hall.
I invited Kami to lunch, hoping to vent what I’m thinking and feeling. What I’m getting from her instead is a disagreement, which is about to turn into a full-blown argument.
“It was a friendly gesture, not a romantic, five-course meal.”
“Still…he bought dinner for two. Last night was absolutely a date.”
No. Why would he order food for two on purpose? “Maybe he accidentally ordered extra. Or maybe wanted enough for leftovers, but when I walked in, he was too polite to tell me to find my own food.”
Kami sighs, a sound rife with frustration. I’m not surprised. We’ve been going in circles the past twenty minutes. “Mia, my love, open your eyes. He ordered enough for you, too. So you would spend time with him. Hell, all he’s done—the moving in and all that—has been for you. Last night was a date. He’s into you. Hell, he’s mad for you.”
I shake my head. Yeah. Right. “He’s not. I know for a fact he’s not.”
“Yeah? How do you know that?”
“Jake made it very clear we’re friends. He’s going to make dinner for me tonight—as friends. What I’m feeling is ridiculous and one-sided.”
This feeling will pass…eventually.
She shrugs. “I think he’s lying about tonight. Because I highly doubt what you’re feeling is one-sided.”
“Listen, I overheard him say to his friends that he’s not interested in me romantically.”
“How long ago was that?”
“I’d just turned eighteen. His exact words were, ‘She’s Jonathan’s kid sister. Nothing more. I don’t think of her like that.’” What a curse to remember that moment so clearly, as though it were ingrained in my brain. Of all the things I remember, that terrible night is so vivid.
“You were a teenager. Of course he said that. Besides, you may not have had his attention then, but you certainly have it now. And I think you’ve had it from the moment you started working at KH Industries. He wouldn’t have moved in with you otherwise.”
“He didn’t move in because he wanted to. He did it because Jonathan told him to.”
She rolls her eyes. “C’mon, you really believe that?”
“Yes. My brother always has something up his sleeve.”
“But that doesn’t mean Jake would just go along with Jonathan. He’s not your brother’s lap dog.” Kami sets down her sandwich. “That’s it. I’m calling for a one-on-one, woman-to-woman intervention. If Jonathan wanted someone to look after you, the last person he’d ask would be his best friend. Why not Nathan?”
“Because Nathan probably said no. He’s all about taking care of me, but not to the extent Jonathan is.”
“If Jonathan asked Jake to babysit you, don’t you think Nathan would give you a heads-up?”
“Yes. No. Maybe. I don’t know.” She has a point. If Jonathan had asked Nathan to be my keeper, Nathan would have told me. “But maybe that’s why Jonathan went to Jake, because he knew Nathan would tell me.”
“If Jonathan demanded Jake move in with you, why did Jake wait until the last minute to tell you?”
“Because Jonathan knew I’d fight it.”
“If Jonathan told Jake to look after you, then why did he kiss you on New Year’s?”
“We went over that. He was drunk.”
Kami sends me a skeptical glare. “Ian told me Jake nursed one beer all night. He wasn’t drunk.”
“Maybe he’s a light weight.” But I know my answer is weak.
This time her sigh is full of exasperation. “Mia, at some point you have to stop lying to yourself. There’s a big difference between what your brother’s best friend would do and what a man pursuing a woman would do. If Jake is merely your keeper, would he kiss you and bring you dinner?”
Kami’s arguments are solid and valid. Lately, I’ve forced myself to consider Jake as nothing more than my brother’s friend doing my brother’s bidding. If I let myself think of him in any other light, I’ll lose my head, like I did when I had a crush on him years ago. I can’t do that. I can’t put my heart at risk.
But now I’m struggling to view Jake’s actions through a platonic lens. My heart wants to say the one word I can’t. The word I swore I’d never feel for Jake again. The word I can’t bear to even think.
Love.
Maybe I’m not meant for it. Not cut out for it.
“Mia.” Kami pulls me from my thoughts. “He’s in?—”
“Don’t.” I stop her because, despite what she thinks, Jake isn’t in love with me. “He’s not. We’re both blowing a New Year’s kiss and a shared pizza completely out of proportion.”
“You’re not. You’re in love, too.”
My eyes sting with tears I do my best to sniff back. “I’m not. I can’t be.”
“Why not?”
“It’s not real. I’m not the girl a guy like Jake falls for.”
Kami’s shocked expression softens to sympathy. “Mia, everyone deserves to have the love of their life.”
I shake my head. “My heart leads me astray every time. It’s stuck on this one man. I can’t trust myself. Especially now.”
She takes my hand in hers. “There was a time I would have agreed with you. I wanted nothing to do with love because it had betrayed me so many times. But then Ian came along, told me I was wrong, and did everything in his power to make sure my stubborn ass knew he loved me. I won’t deny I protested, both to him and to myself. You would not believe the lengths I went, trying to get rid of him. My point is, you deserve love. Sometimes, you have to be brave to be in love. Your heart may get broken along with way, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it. Don’t fight what you’re feeling. You’ll only hurt yourself in the process.”
Could what Kami went through with Ian be similar to my situation? “You don’t know that.”
“But I do. I see the way Jake looks at you. And I’ve seen you around him enough times to know the feelings are mutual.”
“Looks at me how?”
“The way every woman in the world wants to be looked at by the man they love. You may argue with him a lot, but I know you two have a connection. And no man, drunk or otherwise, kisses a woman like that unless he has feelings for her, especially with the history you two have.”
I hesitate. Is it really possible my feelings aren’t unrequited? If Kami believes they’re not, shouldn’t I give her the benefit of the doubt? Maybe… I want to see what she’s been seeing for myself. Is the possibility not as crazy as I originally thought?