Chapter Nineteen
Dallas, TX
Jake
I ’m leaving. This is bullshit, just waiting.
No, I should wait and see what she has to say.
But what if she isn’t coming back? She said she’d be back, and all her stuff is still in the apartment.
I need to get a grip.
She took her purse with her wallet, money, and her boyfriend. That’s all she’d need to start over.
No. I can’t think like that.
For half an hour, I wrestle with myself. Like the song goes, “Should I stay or should I go?” That seems to be the current theme of my life.
How the fuck did I end up here again?
Earlier this morning, I was optimistic about the talk I was going to have with Mia. First, I planned to tell her the truth about my feelings, both then and now. And then I was going to round it out with a couple of I love yous. I guess this is what I deserve when I choose to pursue a woman for a night, rather than a lifetime commitment. Or maybe I was never meant for a lifelong relationship in the first place.
The last time I found myself here, the woman I thought I was going to marry, who I thought was the love of my life, left me.
No doubt Mia will do the same since history has decided to repeat itself.
I don’t want to be cynical. I need to be practical. But this time is different. I feel off-balance. Shaky. Like I just got torn into two. I guess because I’m more emotionally invested with Mia, her decision to be with someone else cuts like a deep wound.
I’m going to sit here and wait. I want to know, once and for all, if I need to move on. I’m tired of playing what-if games with myself. One minute, I’m convinced I need to leave before I get any more hurt than I already am. The next? I sway myself back into hoping again.
Footsteps coming from the other side of the front door stop my train of thought. They’re light, dainty. She’s back. Shit, what do I do? What does this mean?
Standing from the couch, I watch her open the door. Our eyes lock on each other. Suddenly I feel like I’ve just walked into an arena, only I’m not fighting to win. I’m fighting not to lose her.
“Hi.”
“Hi.” She approaches slowly. “We should talk.”
Earlier today, I would have agreed. Now I struggle to see a reason for it. “Do we?”
“I think it’s important.” Now that I see her face, her eyes look redder than normal. Has she been crying?
They could be tears of joy.
Then why does she look so defeated? As if she might start crying all over again. Not tears of joy, but sadness.
I look down and away. “Okay. What do you want to talk about?”
“Is something wrong, Jake? Between you and me?”
“No,” I lie. “Nothing at all.”
“You’re giving me the cold-shoulder, and you won’t look me in the eye. What would you call that then?” she snaps.
“Don’t you have somewhere to be?”
“No. Where do you think I should be?”
With me, but I guess that idea is moot. “I wouldn’t have kissed you if I’d known you were going to choose him anyway.”
“Choose him? All I did was drop him off at the airport.”
Says her. “Of course you’d choose him; he’s your boyfriend. It just would have been nice if you told me who you wanted to be with before all of this.” I point between us.
“Jake, listen to me. Vance had a family emergency, and needed a ride to the airport. I couldn’t just tell him to fuck off.”
“Don’t lie to me anymore,” I yell.
“I’m not.” Tears stream down her face.
“I have feelings for you. I’ve had them for a long time.”
She pauses. “You weren’t BSing me?”
“Of course not. And I thought you had them, too. Guess I was wrong.” I start to walk away. “I’ll move my stuff out by tomorrow.”
I never intended to walk away. I didn’t plan on parting ways like this. But now, what’s the point of staying if the one you love would rather be with someone else? I’m crushed that she’d choose him over me. I’m angry that she let me believe that we had a chance. Why didn’t she say anything before? Why wasn’t she honest with me about how she felt? Am I the person every woman fucks before they find the love of their life? And I thought Mia was different, that I could be her one-and-only.
I’m almost to my room when a gentle hand brushes mine. So soft and warm. Mia’s touch is too tempting to resist.
“Don’t go,” she speaks softly.
I can’t look at her. I’m afraid if I do, I’ll break down.
She walks around to face me. Her expression is soft with either compassion or pity. I’d rather not have either. I’m not a charity case. But I can’t help myself. I lean into her touch as she holds my face with both hands. Her body is so close to mine. My heart races. Despite my protesting brain and my breaking heart, my dick salutes her.
Before I know what’s happening, she leans forward and touches her lips to mine with a tender kiss. Why? I should pull away. Nothing I could do now will change her mind.
But she is my weakness.
That’s the one thing I can’t deny about her. I find myself enraptured. Why do I keep torturing myself with this hope?
With a sigh of defeat, I wrap my arms around her, holding her tight against me. If this is goodbye, then I’ll make this the best goodbye sex she’s ever had.