Chapter 36 Chelsea #2
My mind whirls. This makes no sense. I stare at him, waiting for Eryx to take this back. Waiting for him to tell me he’s joking, that there’s no way that kind old lady would have sent that monster to kill me.
But he doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t move.
The realization that Eryx is one hundred percent honest sinks into me, dragging me under.
“You’re not kidding.”
“I’m not.”
“Helena Buttercup. But I just can’t wrap my head around why.”
“The short version is she used to be in love with my father. Then she decided to take his power and it killed him.”
“But she didn’t get all the power, and now she wants to finish the job.”
“Exactly.”
The light turns green, and we speed off, crossing the barrier. That feeling of being pulled by the place—my chest warming—makes my stomach swoop.
But what’s odd is that even though I feel the pull of Eryx’s home, the tug Castleview has on me has lessened since we came through earlier.
“Helena Buttercup,” I murmur, turning the name over in my mouth, tasting it, trying to really absorb it.
It just seems so implausible. She’s a nice little old lady with a hundred cats. She’s not a killer.
Or is she?
“That’s who you were trying to curse the day we met.”
He nods as we pull into the manor’s circle driveway. “And that was also when I realized I couldn’t simply curse her, because the spell would backfire on me. She has a lot of”—his eyes harden—“wards put in place.”
He comes to a stop and I murmur, “Nightmare says I can help you.”
“No. Absolutely not.”
“Why not?”
“It’s dangerous.”
“So is eating nightmares and I did that.”
“That was different.”
“How?”
His jaw clenches. “I could control that. I could…save you if something went wrong.”
“But nothing did go wrong.”
He drags his gaze from the windshield and says very slowly, “I won’t be the reason you get hurt. I don’t think…”
Eryx’s grip on the steering wheel tightens.
“You don’t think what?”
He shakes his head and looks like if he says anything more, it’ll break him.
It might break me if he says less. “I’m strong,” I remind him.
“It’s not about strength. I’m not going to bend on this, Chelsea.” Eryx shakes his head. “I’ve made up my mind.”
“You’re being selfish.”
He stares at me in disbelief. “Selfish? By trying to keep you safe?”
“Yes. What if something happens to you? What am I supposed to do? Hang out in your sad, gray manor for the rest of my life?”
“I said you could add color.”
“That’s not the point.”
I start to open my door, and quick as lightning, he reaches over and grabs it. “I will do that for you.”
“What if I don’t let you?”
His jaw tenses. “There are few things I want, and that’s one of them.”
To open my car door? I kinda feel like a brat denying him this, but I’m still mad.
So I nod.
Without another word he exits the vehicle. As he crosses in front of the hood, I glare at him and he shoots me a warning look so imposing I don’t even consider defying him.
But as soon as my door’s open, I get out and lay into him. “I want to do this.”
“I won’t discuss it anymore. I’ve made up my mind.” His gaze drops to the dish on my lap. “May I take the casserole?”
“No you may not.”
I walk quickly up the steps. Eryx stays by my side the whole time.
I want him to touch me, and as I think it he lifts his hand like he’s going to take my arm but then drops it back to his side.
I miss his touch already.
Stave opens the door as soon as we approach. I’m carrying this stupid casserole and don’t know what to do with it.
“I’m going to the kitchen,” I say.
“Good. Maybe Darla will knock some sense into your head.”
“Excuse me?” I whirl on him.
Eryx stops. “There are certain things I have to do. One of them is protect you, not allow you to walk into harm’s way—”
“But you let me—”
“Stop. I’m not finished.”
His words are so sharp heat fills my cheeks, but I let him continue.
“That is the difference between need and want. I needed you to take on those nightmares. They have to be filtered and siphoned; otherwise bad things happen—not just to me.”
“What kind of bad things?”
“That’s not what we’re discussing.” He takes a step in, and his icy blue eyes fill with worry. “Letting you walk into a risky situation is not what I want for you, and I’ll fight to stop that.”
“I was attacked too,” I quietly remind him.
His expression softens. “And I won’t let it happen again. But that’s where this discussion ends. No more talk of it, and tell Nightmare to mind its own business.”
His voice is firm. Final.
But so is mine. "You don't get to decide this alone," I say quietly. "We're married. Partners. That means I get a say."
His jaw clenches. "Not in this."
My grip on the casserole tightens. “I don’t accept your answer.”
He leans down and whispers in my ear, “Deal with it.”
I release a sound of frustration and charge off.
“Where are you going?”
“Someplace where you’re not.”
“The kitchen’s in the other direction.”
“I’m going the long way!”
Which is of course a lie. This manor is too damn big with too many damn hallways.
I charge off, hoping Eryx doesn’t follow. It’s understandable that he’s afraid for my safety, but I’m afraid for his, too. Doesn’t he see that? Without him, I’m…
Wait. Did I just think about not having him?
My stomach clenches.
Remember, Nightmare whispers in my head, if Helena succeeds and takes me from Eryx, he won’t survive.
A pulse washes over my body.
You will, because there’s only a little of me inside you. But not Eryx.
My knees weaken and I press myself against one of the hallway walls to keep from falling over. I stay there, back against the cool stone for a moment, breathing, thinking, turning this whole thing over and over until I realize something.
I will not, under any circumstances, allow Helena Buttercup to take Nightmare from Eryx. If it means eating every nightmare in the world, I’ll do it.
I’m in love with him. Not falling. Not maybe.
In love. Completely. Irreversibly.
In the back of my mind, Nightmare purrs in approval.
I thought marriage meant losing myself. But loving Eryx doesn't make me smaller.
It makes me fierce. Protective.
I never thought love would make me want to become a monster. But I'll become the monster I need to if it keeps him alive.
Whether he likes it or not.