Chapter 45 Chelsea
Chelsea
Eryx won’t look at me.
Ever since he tried to open the dream world this morning and the magic hurt me, he’s been quiet, thinking.
All day, and it’s killing me.
“Would you like more potatoes?” I ask at dinner.
He’s staring down at his plate.
“Eryx?”
He lifts his head and looks at me as if he’s forgotten I’m sitting there. “Yes?”
“Potatoes. Would you like more?”
“No, thank you.”
He looks back down.
I’ve been patient. He’s allowed time to think, to ponder.
But this is beyond that.
I put down my fork. “What is it? Is this about our magic? Like I said, give it time.”
His eyes remain glued to his plate. “Time won’t heal this,” he says, barely above a whisper.
“You don’t know that.”
When he looks up, there are tears in his eyes.
My heart immediately seizes. “Eryx. What is it?”
He shakes his head. “You’ve come so far. Become so much, I can’t…take that from you.”
Alarm bells blare in my head. My heart slams into overdrive, but I try to breathe slowly, calm my body before the storm it senses.
I smooth my hands over the napkin in my lap and say very slowly inside the large dining hall, “Why would you take that from me?”
“Chelsea…” He stops. Drops his elbows on the table. Covers his face with his hands. Blows out a breath.
“You’re scaring me.”
He shakes his head and drops his hands. “I’m not trying to. I’m sorry.”
“What’s going on?”
He exhales. “Our bond won’t heal through time. Helena ripped it, and it’s not coming back the way it was.”
My magic stirs inside me, churning my stomach. It’s there, loud, ready to be used, but at the same time I feel the damage. It’s jagged, and the best part of it—that I could sense Eryx—is faint now, like he’s standing on the other side of the world, unreachable.
Even though my body tells me one thing, I refuse to think this can’t be fixed. “I’m sure there’s a way. We just have to look.”
“I did. All afternoon. There’s nothing. There’s only one thing to do.”
He says this solemnly, coldly, like it’s already decided. Part of me doesn’t want to ask, because this is going to be bad. I can feel it.
But I do anyway. “What’s that?”
His eyes lift and lock on mine—that icy blue hue filled with worry. “Unbind.”
That sends a jolt through my body. All I can do is repeat the word, “Unbind?”
“Our magic is slapping back, and this isn’t like before, when we were learning how to work together. We know how to work together. But it’s bucking, and every time I try to open the dream world or do anything, it’s going to hurt you.”
“I can handle it.”
“It’s not about whether or not you can handle it. I won’t hurt you every time I use our magic.”
“We’ll figure out a way.”
“There is no way.”
“I haven’t tried to use—”
“Chelsea, stop.”
My chest heaves. I’m reacting stronger to this conversation than I meant to. Sweat sprouts on my palms, and blood rushes in my ears. This is fight-or-flight.
And I’m reacting this way because this is Eryx. This is our bond he’s talking about. I grew claws. We make roses.
This will change everything if he unbinds us.
I know that. Don’t ask me how I know, but I do.
The claws. The magic. The feeling of being more myself than I've ever been.
Before I was afraid marriage would make me smaller. Now I'm about to lose the thing that made me fierce.
“And Nightmare?”
“I have to take it back.”
Nightmare. Who welcomed me. Who purred when I said I loved Eryx. Who's been in my mind for weeks now.
He's taking that away too. Not just the magic. The connection. The voice that's become part of me.
My body fills with ice—from my feet all the way to my head. “No.”
Eryx’s eyes narrow. “No?”
I shake my head. “You’re not taking Nightmare. You’re not undoing the binding. That happened because we love each other. That happened because—”
The words die in my throat. My eyes start to fill with tears, but I blink them away. I lift my chin and stare defiantly at Eryx.
“This brings me no pleasure,” he explains quietly. “But there’s not any other way.”
“Find one.” I rise; my chair clatters to the floor behind me. “Find another way.”
He sighs. “There isn’t one. I told you.”
“But this—this will change everything.”
“But it helps me save you.”
“I don’t want to be saved!” I slam my hand on the table. “I want to make my own choices.”
“And I’ve let you since the beginning. I’ve always given you a choice.”
“Now you’re not.”
“Because this isn’t just about you, Chelsea.”
His words hit like a punch.
He rises and crosses to me. His shadow falls over me. It used to make me nervous. Now it feels like home.
He cradles my face and presses his forehead to mine.
“This is bigger than both of us. I can’t survive without eating nightmares.
I can’t. That’s part of my burden. And if I stay bound to you, I will kill you.
The pain you’re feeling now will only get worse as the bond frays more.
It will try to remain with both of us, and the pain will be unbearable.
I would walk into a burning building to carry you out of it, and if this kills you—I won’t survive it. I won’t.”
“Eryx…” But the words die in my throat.
He keeps on. “I need to contain the dream world. Devour nightmares. Keep them at bay. That’s what I do. If I don’t, there’s no telling what the consequences will be—will nightmares leech into the district? Into the world? I can’t let that happen.”
“You have to protect the children.”
“All of them.”
I pull back and look up at him. “Can’t you give it one more day? Please? This will…” My throat clogs. “Our magics won’t be the same.”
He thumbs away a tear I didn’t know had fallen. “It must be done tonight.”
“It’s too soon.”
“I can’t have you getting hurt.”
“So you’re making this choice without me?”
His eyes narrow and his next words come out measured, like he’s been calculating which exit strategy is the best one. “I hoped you’d understand.”
I pull away from him and his hands fall. His warmth is instantly gone, and I want it back so badly. “You’re not giving this enough time.”
His jaw flexes. “We don’t have time.”
“We have as much time as you—”
“There’s no time left,” he shouts.
Shouts.
I flinch.
He sees it and his face darkens—not in anger, but in agony.
But all I feel is betrayal. “You’ve already decided. You weren’t having this talk with me to see if I had another idea. You’re telling me your plan.”
He slips his hands into his pockets and looks away. “I’m doing it tonight.”
“No.”
He nods.
“One day! Just one day!”
He shakes his head. “I’m sorry.”
“Please, Eryx.”
He reaches for me. “I’m sorry,” he repeats.
I pull away. “I want you to fight for us—for this. You’re just letting go, giving in before you’ve given us a chance to heal.”
His jaw flexes in reply.
“You're asking me to trust you," I say, voice shaking. "But you won't trust me. You won't trust that I'm strong enough to handle this. You won't even let me try.”
Emotions flicker across his face, and when he speaks, his voice is strained. “All I’ve done is fight for us. Don’t you think I want you to be my beautiful monster?”
The words break something inside me.
I was his beautiful monster. I had claws and power and felt like I could take on the world. And now he's taking it away.
Not because I failed. Not because I wasn't strong enough. Because he decided I can't handle the pain.
He continues. “If the choice is between you living or you dying—what choice do I have?”
“None. It’s my decision.”
“Not on this.” He exhales. “You don’t have to be there for it, but it would help.”
I take a step back. My bottom lip quivers. “You’re afraid of killing me, but you’re not afraid of breaking me.”
He swallows. His Adam’s apple dips.
“I won’t help you destroy us, Eryx. You do what you have to, but don’t expect me to take any part in it.”
We stare at each other a moment, and Eryx only nods. His shoulders sag. His chest sinks.
I don’t care if this kills him.
He chose to kill us first.
Without another word I head out of the dining room. When I reach my bedroom, I shut the door and lock it.
I press my back against the door and slide down until I'm sitting on the floor. My magic churns inside me—gold and black, still there, still ours.
But not for long. I'll go back to being the Chelsea I was before. The one who was afraid of marriage. The one with failing magic. The one who was never his.
I pull my knees to my chest and finally let myself cry.