Chapter 4
4
T his is bad. This is extremely bad. Nana coming back from the dead isn’t just unexpected. It’s unprecedented.
When I screamed earlier, it brought Mama to the ballroom. She took one look at Nana and said to me, “I thought you knew about Nana. That’s why you wanted to talk to Ovie.”
“I didn’t know about her,” I yelled.
She sighed. “Let’s go talk in the kitchen.”
So we left the ballroom and headed to the kitchen to chat about the fact that my dead grandmother has come back from the grave to ruin my life.
Yay, me.
As soon as we’re settled in our cozy kitchen that for some reason has five wooden mug trees that are all filled with cups with printed catch phrases like, LIFE IS BETTER AT THE LAKE and MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, my mother slumps into a chair and gives my grandmother a worried glance before saying, “I know how this looks.”
“It looks like I’ve come back as a ghost,” Nana says proudly.
Not only is it bad, but Nana seems to have forgotten how bad this is.
“Blair! Where are you?”
Chelsea appears in the doorway, now dressed for the ball in a black gown with long sleeves. “Oh, there you ar—” Her gaze lands on Nana, and she screams right before slithering unconscious to the ground.
Ovie shakes her head. “If this keeps happening, we won’t have any Thornroses at the ball because they’ll all have fainted.”
I crouch beside Chelsea and pick her up by the shoulders. “Who else?”
“Me,” Mama says, giving Nana an eyeful while my grandmother just shrugs innocently. “I fainted.”
Nana sniffs. “I do have that effect on people. Hey, it’s better than not having any effect, right? What if folks took one look at me and just kept on walking? That wouldn’t be any fun.”
I slap my forehead.
Chelsea shifts in my arms, slowly waking back up. Her eyes flutter open, and her voice is wobbly. “What happened?”
“I did,” Nana tells her.
Chelsea passes out—again.
“Must be the power of the undead,” Nana whispers proudly.
“You ain’t undead,” Ovie snaps. “You’re just a ghost who’s come back to make our lives hell, is what you are.”
Mama shoots Ovie a hard look. “Let’s try to calm down.”
“How am I supposed to calm down when my mother’s returned from the dead to do God knows what with the ball I’ve organized?”
“If you weren’t so busy with that good-for-nothing husband of yours, I wouldn’t have to come back,” Nana spits.
Oh wow. This has gotten really ugly, really fast. But it is true that my aunt has an awful husband. Spends all her money, leaves for months at a time on gambling binges and only returns when he’s out of cash—which Ovie always gives him.
None of us can stand Charlie, but no matter how much I assume that my mother has talked to my aunt about it, Ovie keeps taking him back.
“Mother,” my mom says coolly, expertly pulling the conversation away from Ovie, “it’s wonderful that you’ve come back, but other people won’t think it’s so spectacular.”
“We’ve got to keep you hidden,” Ovie says.
“I will not hide,” Nana says in her regal voice. “The world should know that I’m here.”
“No,” my mother and Ovie say in unison.
“Nana,” I start, keeping my voice as gentle as possible, “have you forgotten what it means when someone returns from the grave?” No point in waiting for an answer. “It’s bad luck. It means the family has done something wrong. Things have gone so far south for them that one of their ancestors had to return to straighten things out. If people catch wind that you’re here, you can forget any chance of getting me married. No one will want to be with me because they’ll think that we’re ruined before we even get started.”
Nana grimaces. “I didn’t think about that.”
Ovie and my mother exchange a look. “Probably because you were dead,” Mama says.
“The beyond does make you think about things other than life,” she explains.
Shocker. Being dead makes you not care about the banal existence of life? Who would have ever guessed?
“So what needs to happen, is that you must stay out of sight,” I tell her.
Nana looks surprised. “Baby didn’t come all this way to be put in a corner,” she says, referencing a line from Dirty Dancing. “God, I loved that Patrick Swayze. You know, I looked for him in the afterlife and couldn’t find him.”
“Probably because he passed on peacefully and had no intention of haunting his family,” I mutter.
My mother places a hand on my grandmother’s transparent shoulder. “We’re not trying to cast you aside, but we don’t want anyone to know about you, either.” My grandmother shoots her a hard look, and Mama adds, “Not because we don’t love you, but how it will reflect badly on Blair and the rest of the girls. If people start gossiping, no one will come to the balls.”
“But I’m only trying to help.”
“Of course you are. But you can help by staying out of sight.”
Nana doesn’t look happy about that. “No.”
We all stare at her. “No?” Ovie says.
“No,” Nana tells her. “I didn’t come all this way, traveling interdimensionally, to be cast aside like a two-bit hooker.”
Yes, my nana has a way with words that would make even the highest of society ladies blush.
From under my arms, Chelsea stirs. “Oh my gosh. I had the worst dream. I dreamed that I saw Nana. That she was here, with us.”
“Chels, it wasn’t a dream.”
My sister’s gaze flicks up and lands on our grandmother, who taps her foot impatiently. “Don’t tell me that you’re going to faint again.”
“No.” My sister shakes her head and slowly gets up on her feet, me behind her, making sure that she doesn’t fall. “I’m not going to faint; I’m just going to find an exorcist who can send you back to wherever you came from.” She glances at Mama. “Does her being here give me bad luck? Like, will a cinder block randomly fall on my head?”
Ovie tsks. “See, Mama? Everyone knows you are bad luck. You need to just scurry on back to where you came from.”
But Nana’s not one to go easily. She folds her arms. “Not until Blair’s married. I won’t return until she’s successfully wed. If I return at all.”
Then, for some reason, all gazes turn to me. “What? Do I look like I have a ring on my finger? It’s not like I’m not trying, here. I just haven’t met anyone yet.”
“Yeah,” Chelsea adds. “It’s not Blair’s fault that all the men think she’s going to mind control them.”
Mama shoots Chelsea a hard look and my sister winces. “Sorry, Blair.”
“It’s true. No point in being sorry.”
Nana claps her transparent hands. The action doesn’t make a sound, which is surprisingly not the weirdest part of any of this. “That’s why I’ve invited Storm Grayson. He’s the most eligible bachelor in the country. The whole world will know he’s here, and that will bring a lot of attention to you, Blair.”
No pressure.
“And I’ll be watching every move you make,” Nana adds with glee.
“No, you won’t, Mama,” my own mother gently tells her. “If folks catch wind of you?—”
Nana waves her away. “Fine. I won’t watch every move. Such superstition. Witches and their old wives’ tales. There’s nothing wrong with me being here.”
Ovie rolls her eyes. “Yes, there is. How many ghosts do you see walking around? Pretty much zero, which means that folks will be freaked out by you and all your hovering. The less that you’re around Blair, the better.”
“I’ll do what you ask, but if I see that things aren’t going the way that they should, I reserve the right to act.”
Ovie sucks her teeth. “What does that mean?”
“It means what I said. As this family’s matriarch, I reserve the right to help move things along.”
“Um, Nana, you aren’t the matriarch anymore,” Chelsea delicately points out. “That’s now Mama’s role.”
Nana lifts her chin and pushes back her shoulders. “I’m sure Clara won’t mind sharing.”
From the sour look on my mother’s face, yes, she will mind sharing.
But even so, there’s a certain twinkle in Nana’s eyes that means trouble is definitely brewing. Great. This is just great. Exactly what I need, for Nana’s ghost to be a big fat bad omen hovering over my head like a bird looking for a place to poop on.
While Mama and Ovie usher Nana from the kitchen, Chelsea sighs, resting her shoulder on mine. “This is going to be awesome, isn’t it?”
“Nope.”
We both laugh and my sister adds, “This might not be so bad.” I shoot her a look and she shrugs. “It could be worse.”
“How?”
“Hm. Let me think about that.”
The truth is, it really couldn’t be worse. If anyone sees Nana, then tongues will wag. People will say that the Thornrose women are cursed. They’ll say things like, See? Even their grandmother had to come back from the dead to help them get married . You don’t want to be part of that family.
Yeah, ghosts are a terrible thing.
From the hallway Ovie yells, “Blair! You’ve got ten minutes until guests start arriving!”
“Yeah, Blair,” Nana calls out. “Get ready to be presented to all of Castleview, and Storm Grayson! Man, is he a looker. If I was still alive…”
Her voice fades out. Thank goodness. I have no interest in knowing what Nana would do to Storm Grayson in private if she was still alive.
I exhale an ocean of air. Maybe Nana showing up is the worst thing that’ll happen tonight. Maybe things won’t get any more harried.
And maybe the bad stuff is only just beginning.