Chapter 31 #2
I had a list of questions for Drew and the biggest one was how.
I glanced out the second floor window. “Win, oh my god, your habitat!”
The yard landscaping looked like it belonged in a botanical garden, but Winston’s space was next level. I jogged through the house and out the back door.
It was like everything he’d had at Drew’s house, but better.
The water feature, heating area, misting station and sleep box were configured so that he could live his best life even when contained, plus there was an adorable faux barn door rig that he could open on his own when he wanted to explore, but could also be locked to prevent jail breaks.
I put him down inside the habitat and he took off to surveil it properly. I plopped down in one of the brand new patio chairs and stared into space while trying to come up with what I was going to say to Drew.
‘Thank you’ didn’t feel like enough. He’d not only given me back my home, he’d made the process painless for me, saving me not just a boatload of money but months of time and endless headaches. It was incredible.
But it didn’t change a thing between us.
I dialed his number despite not having a script in mind.
“Hi, Emilia.”
His voice felt like a hug, and I had to fight back against the flood of feelings threatening to overwhelm me.
“Hey. What did you do?”
He laughed, probably because I sounded like I was scolding a naughty dog.
“You don’t like it?” Drew asked.
“It’s incredible. I’m in shock. How the hell did you get those lazy bums to work so quickly?”
“Let’s just say I called in some reinforcements.
My dad just finished up a greenhouse project at his house and I asked the crew to step in and take over at your place.
They were flown over from the UK to build it, and it turned out your local team didn’t love being shown up by a crew of fancy-talking limeys.
It turned into a kind of competition as to who could work more efficiently, which paid off way better than I would have expected. ”
That explained the Union Jack throw pillow on the patio set.
“It’s too much,” I said as my eyes brimmed.
“Never. Nothing is when it comes to you,” he said in a hushed voice.
I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to remember all of the ways Drew had disappointed me, to cancel out the warm feelings threatening to overwhelm me.
“So this is two times you’ve used your money to try to make things right with me,” I sniffled.
“Emilia, no,” he insisted. “It’s not about the money. I’m just trying to make your life a little easier. To show you that I appreciate you.”
“Cash is not how you show appreciation. And there’s no amount of money in the world that can change how things went down. You get that, don’t you?”
“I know that. Really,” Drew replied. “I just thought that—”
“You just thought what? That your money could do the apologizing for you? Absolutely not, Drew. What you did for me was wonderful, but it doesn’t change a thing because you haven’t changed.
I need a partner who’ll stand by my side and face life’s challenges with me.
Someone to be there for the good times and the bad ones—to understand and appreciate what matters to me, and to share my life. ”
I took a breath, which sounded more like a gasp.
“Throwing money at problems can give you face-value fixes, but they don’t address the real problems lying underneath, just below the surface.
Life is messy, and weird, and a lot of times it doesn’t go the way you want, but if you have the right person beside you, none of that matters. ”
Drew sighed, like he was finally starting to understand me. “Are you saying I’m not that person for you?”
It felt like I was plunging a dagger in my own chest as I answered him.
“You’re not, Drew. You’ve proved that to me over and over.
You’ve given me an incredible gift by fixing up this house and offering to take care of Winston, but those gestures are hollow.
Typically, you open your wallet and make things happen, I get it.
But I need more than that. And I don’t think you’re capable of giving it to me. ”
I heard him let out a shuddery breath, and even that was enough to crack my heart open.
“Fine,” he said after a pause so long that I thought he’d hung up. “If that’s how you feel I’ll respect your wishes. Take care of yourself, Emilia.”
I sniffled. “Yup. You too.”
We both paused, and I felt like I was standing at the edge of a cliff. Part of me wanted to hurl myself off and tell him that I missed him, that we should try again.
But deep down, I knew it would only prolong the pain, because eventually another problem would crop up and Drew Ashford would walk away instead of putting in the work to fix it. So I could either hurt now, or face an even deeper pain down the line.
“Good bye, Drew.”
I disconnected the call and let the tears flow. I dropped forward to hug my knees as I cried.
After a few minutes I felt a familiar nudge against my ankle.
“Win, are you comforting me?” I asked through my tears. “Thank you, buddy.”
I reached down to scratch his shell and contemplate how I was going to move past my feelings for Drew when I could now see him in every inch of my home.
“It’s you and me,” I repeated to Winston, hoping that I’d eventually believe that he was all I needed.