Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
EVIE
“Good morning.”
It isn’t Theo who greets me, and I wish it were. We were forced to sleep in separate beds again, and it’s cold in the morning. He isn’t awake yet to start the fire. I keep myself warm with coffee and a fresh croissant, but it’s nothing compared to being in his arms.
Christine’s voice is as cool as ice. I suppose not everyone can be a morning person. It’s only after years of waking up at sunrise that I can tolerate it.
“Morning!” I smile brightly, trying to be warm enough for both of us.
Even though Christine is currently a nuisance, I’ve liked her from the start. I still have hopes of her becoming a good mentor. At the very least, she isn’t a total creep. No one has been like that since Rod, which I’m grateful for…
I like working here, so making a good impression on Christine is vital. I wouldn’t mind extending my contract if I didn't have to return to school.
“I think we should talk,” she says, “before Theo wakes up.”
I wasn’t imagining the change of tone. Something is wrong. Theo has been off, and now… Christine is attempting to talk to me—alone.
I rub my shoulder absentmindedly, trying to chase away the frigid chill. “Oh.” Where is Theo? “I hope everything is all right. I didn’t do anything to offend you, did I?”
“No. Nothing like that.” She pours herself a mug of coffee and gestures to the little dining table we’ve hardly used. “Let’s sit down. You have time, right?”
“I do.”
I should have lied. Sitting with Christine at the empty table is stiff and awkward, in a way that talking to her usually isn’t. We may not be the closest, but we’re both decent at small talk—usually. This is a clear exception.
All I can think of is what she might say. My mind explodes with thoughts, my pounding heart making a racket in my ear. I shift in my seat, and she sips her coffee before speaking.
“Before we start… I don’t want to alarm you,” she says. “I’m on your side. Please know that.”
Where could she possibly be going with this?
I tilt my head. “O-okay…”
She doesn’t have to clarify. I already have an idea by the time she opens her mouth again. My productivity is as high as ever. There’s no reason for her to lecture me about that, but…
There’s one thing I may have done to upset her. I eye the front door. Is it too late to bolt?
“I know about your relationship with Theo.” She fixes me with a serious look and sets the white mug down. “I’m concerned about you.”
Just as I feared.
“Concerned?” I force a lighthearted chuckle. “What is there to be worried about?”
“Evie. This is serious.” She squints. “I want to make sure he’s not coercing you into anything—”
Right. I should have considered that. There’s a reason Theo pushed me away in the first place. Internally, I wince.
“No!” I shake my head adamantly. “It’s never been like that. I promise. I would report it if it were, but it’s… different.”
“Right.” Her jaw ticks. “You can report it to HR or me if you need to. I know it’s scary with him being the CEO, but we care about our employee safety.”
“I know that. I’ve always felt safe at work. Well, aside from Rod, but I’m sure you already know about that.”
“I do.” Her severe expression doesn’t waver. “I want to make sure this isn’t another situation like the one with Rod.”
“It couldn’t be more different.” I frown deeply. “I’m safe. Theo is a good man. You know that.”
“I thought I did.” She looks behind me, off to a window, into a cool, blue morning. “I don’t understand why he’s doing this—to himself or you. He’s ruining his career, and… well, perhaps I shouldn’t talk to you about that part. I’m sorry.”
“What?” I shake my head. “No. No, he’s not.”
“Oh, he is. If word gets out, there will be claims of favoritism—at the very least. He was already struggling to find an assistant, and I don’t think this will help with that.”
My brows furrow. “I’m ruining his career?”
“No!” Christine’s eyes grow wide. The calm facade drops as she looks at me with genuine concern, animated, closer to the version of her I’m used to. “That’s not what I’m saying. It’s his choice, his responsibility.”
Intentional Paper has always had a squeaky-clean reputation. Why shouldn’t they? They’re a good business, and Theo is a good boss. Christine can say whatever she wants, but I know the truth. I’m the one who will ruin his reputation.
“It’s my choice, too,” I say. “No matter what you think, I made this choice. I chose him. I—”
I cut myself off, but Christine looks at me knowingly. Have I already said too much?
“It’s that serious, then?” She lifts her mug to her lips.
“For me, it is.” My shoulders slump. “I never wanted it to be. Theo is almost perfect for me, but there are a few glaring imperfections…”
Christine isn’t the person I should tell about this. I should have a friend—maybe Dean, but we only ever spoke around the bakery. I’m alone. There’s no one to tell about Theo’s flaws—all of which aren’t his. It’s everything else—my brother or Theo’s business—that creates the imperfections.
Those issues are still there, and I can’t go back to pretending I don’t see them. I do. Especially right now.
“I see,” she says smoothly.
“Do you, though?” I’ve never felt more misunderstood.
She smiles bitterly. “Maybe not. I’m not the type to mix work and pleasure, but I’ve had plenty of older men who tried to do that with me. You can’t blame me for being concerned.”
That’s exactly how it looks, isn’t it? My stomach sinks. “You’re right. I don’t blame you at all.”
“If you’re sure… I’ll let the topic drop. You should still speak to HR, but that’s your decision. I’ll pretend I haven’t seen anything.”
“I didn’t mean to put you in this position, Christine. I’m so, so sorry.”
“Don’t be.” She stands. “Take care of yourself. That’s all we can do.”
But when she leaves, I’m not worried about taking care of myself—not one bit. I’m concerned about Theo. He hired me to assist him, but it’s becoming clear that I’ve done nothing but get in the way.
He’s too busy for me. I never wanted to be the kind of girlfriend waiting around on a man, but there’s not much else I can do. I’m frozen. Christine knows. Everyone knows. I need to go, but I can’t.
The kitchen is filled with pastries, and I finish my calls by the afternoon.
I could call my brother. He texts me daily, and I text back, but never about anything serious.
I know he misses me, and I miss him, but I can’t bring myself to talk to him.
Calling Everett means lying to his face.
If Christine doesn’t want us together, my brother has just as much of a reason to push us apart.
I can’t put off calling my brother for much longer. He’ll need to make sure my room is ready for me.
Theo doesn’t come home until it’s dark out. This is the first time he’s been in the woods this late, and I don’t know how to process my feelings around it.
It means nothing, but Christine has probably talked to him, too. We’re the last to talk about our relationship.
He sits on the rocking chair, so far from me, and bends over to take off his shoes. Watching him feels like heartbreak. I know what comes next, and it’s hard to swallow, especially when he lifts his gaze to mine. He’s always had the warmest eyes.
“Long day?” I murmur.
“The longest.” He smiles, and my heart breaks again, every little fractured piece breaking off into another chunk. “But it was a good day. We got a lot done. Now that the trip is almost over, I’m trying to make the most of the final days…”
Anything else he says gets lost in the buzz of my fear. He seems normal now. Is it possible he doesn’t know how ruined we are? Or does he not care?
“That’s good.” I clear my throat to hide how my voice breaks. “Did you speak with Christine?”
He freezes with his hand on his boot, sitting upright, before he has a chance to remove it. “What did she say?” His voice is stiff, which answers my question even if his words can’t.
“She knows.” I smile sadly. “I have a feeling you already know that, though. Am I right?”
His jaw is tight, as is each of his movements, his head jerking away from me. He stares out of the window into the orange sunset glow. It doesn’t look as beautiful as it did during our early nights together.
I need to go home.
“You’re right,” he says. “I know.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I had to hear it from her. Do you know how terrible that was?”
“I didn’t consider that. I’m sorry.”
An apology is the last thing I want. He shouldn’t be sorry—I’m not sorry about our time together. The most sorrowful part of it all is that it has to end.
“Forget sorry.” My lower lip trembles. “Where does this leave us, Theo?”
“It leaves us in the same place we were before.”
Where is that, anyway? We were on pause, but it wasn’t supposed to be the end. Now, it feels like it is—and like I have to be the one to end it. Again and again, I’m the one to set boundaries only to knock them down.
“No. We’re not in that place anymore.” I stand up and let out a bitter laugh. “Before, we were on pause. Now… now I know that I’m ruining your career.”
“You are not.” He stands and reaches for me, but his hands fall to his sides before the contact is made. “Don’t say that, Evie.”
“It’s not an original thought. That’s what Christine said.” I throw my hands in the air, surrendering my worries to the void. “And she’s right! I never wanted to be like this. I never wanted to be this worked up over someone. I will never choose anyone over my career.”
“You don’t have to do that. I’m not asking you to. I wouldn’t—”
“But I’m asking you to.” Tears fill my eyes. “Don’t you see how that’s unfair?”
He reaches for me again, looking as desperate as I feel. I’m fighting urges, wanting nothing more than to get wrapped up in his arms again, but I force myself to step away.
His hands hang limply at his sides. “I don’t feel like I have to choose. You’re leaving at the end of the summer.”
“Right.” I nod, wiping away the tears that spill down my face. “I’m leaving at the end of the summer. I’m going back to the Midwest. We should end this early.”
“That’s not what I’m saying.”
“It’s what I’m saying.” My throat closes up, tight enough that I can barely inhale. “I’m sorry. I haven’t been thinking clearly.”
“I’m thinking as clear as day.” His eyes harden. “Evie. I love you. You may not be willing to sacrifice your career for that, and I can’t blame you, but I’m—”
“Don’t.” The word is choked by sorrow. “I’m sorry. I already booked my flight home. I don’t want to hear that. Not right now.”
If anyone is going to love me, I want it to be Theo. My heart still yearns for him even though it’s broken. He didn’t even break it—I did that myself. I guess I’ve always been a self-starter.
My nails dig into the palms of my hands. I can’t keep knocking down my boundaries because I want him. This has to end, and I don’t think he can be the one to do it.
But I can.
“The trip is over in a few days,” he says. “You didn’t have to do that. You don’t have to go. Christine won’t tell anyone else—”
“I do. I need to go.” I finally move forward, rising onto my tiptoes to kiss his cheek softly. “I’m going home tomorrow morning. It’s settled. There’s nothing you can do to convince me.”
“Nothing?” His chin trembles.
“No. Nothing.” I smile sadly. “But there is one thing you can do for me. You can hold me for the night. We can pretend everything is fine. Can you give me that much?”
Theo stiffens under my touch. I lower myself to my flat feet and peer up at him, silently pleading.
“Yeah,” he says. “I can do that.”