Chapter 34
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
WYATT
I had thought about what Margo said. And she could give me all her what-ifs, but she wasn’t me.
My life wasn’t black and white like hers.
I lived in all the grayness of right and wrong.
I wasn’t about to make a decision that would change my life based on a two-month relationship.
That was something younger me would’ve done.
And right now, Julian and I were okay to live in the shades of gray. We’d deal with the what-ifs when the time came.
The security system alerted me that he was here. I had given Julian his own code for the house. I also changed Maverick’s, not that he ever came here. That would be too domestic for him, and it would ruin the whole idea of me not being a whole person. Having a life outside of the bedroom.
It made Maverick a client and Julian more.
I also could be Wyatt with Julian. I didn’t have to answer the door in nothing but his T-shirt and a steel-gray thong, but I did because I wanted to.
Because he liked it when I did. And I liked seeing him happy.
I opened the door to see him carrying an overnight bag, dressed in a pair of gray joggers and a Vegas Coyotes blue sweatshirt. “Hello, Mr. Silver.”
Julian stepped inside the house, letting his duffel bag fall to the ground. At five foot ten, most men didn’t make me feel small, but standing toe-to-toe with Julian made me feel small.
“Hello, you.” He smiled at me. “Nice shirt.”
“Isn’t this why you left it on my floor?
” I teased. He had left this and several other things.
A watch I’d considered wearing, random bits of clothing.
It didn’t bother me. In fact, I liked it because it meant that he would always come back.
I still had that fear of the sun rising on our relationship.
“No. I should be better about that.”
“I like it.” I rose up on my toes and kissed him. He smelled clean and like Julian. Not like my other clients, who reeked of expensive cologne and aftershave. Or in Maverick’s case, cigarette smoke and scotch.
I stepped away from him and over to the bar. Las Vegas was an entertainment city, and this house was built for that. It had a bar on each level and one on the large patio by the pool. “Do you want something to drink?”
“Water would be great.”
I looked over my shoulder at him, a bit surprised. Julian wasn’t a huge drinker. But he normally joined me in a glass of wine or a beer.
“I have a game tomorrow.” He picked up his bag and tossed it by the stairs that led up to the bedroom. “That, and Anders thinks I should join AA.” Julian sat down on the couch.
I poured myself a glass of white wine. “AA? Is there something you’re not telling me?” He had a few things to work through. Didn’t we all? But I didn’t think his drinking was one of them. I grabbed a bottle of water and walked over to him. He pulled me down so I was straddling his lap.
“Yes, Anders is a dumbass. He thought the A stood for assholes.” He took the glass of wine and took a sip before handing it back to me. “You look stunning tonight.”
“This old thing?” I asked, taking a drink of wine.
“Yeah.” He ran his hands up the back of my shirt.
I watched him as I took another sip of wine. I could tell something was bothering him. I could see it in his eyes and see the tenseness in his neck and shoulders. “Everything okay?”
He took the glass and drained the wine before setting it down. “Yeah, why?”
“Because you do this thing with your jaw. You also do it when you’re trying to put on your pants and since you have pants on…” I touched the muscle that was tight. The tightness carried down to his neck. He grabbed my wrist and pressed it to his nose.
“Is this the perfume you wore that first night?”
“Yes.” It had been a mistake. I never wore perfume with any client. This one was my favorite. You had to be so close to smell it.
“Can you save this one for me? Not wear it for them.” He watched me as he ran his nose along my wrist. “Please.”
“I never wear perfume for them. That first night with you, that was a mistake. I had forgotten about it. It was careless of me.”
“No, it was lucky for me.” He pulled me closer. “So it’s mine.”
“Yes.” I loved these quiet moments between us. They were soft, and they were ours. The neon and harshness of Las Vegas felt so far away. “If you’d like, I can ask the company to change the name to Julian Silver.”
“That would be a horrible smell,” he teased.
“I think you smell good.” And I loved that I could smell his cologne on my skin after he left. It would cling to his shirt, the one I’d wear to make us coffee in the morning.
“After I’ve showered. You don’t want to get near me after a game.”
I twisted the soft hair at the nape of his neck.
“I don’t know about that.” I could feel his cock growing in his pants.
We could fuck anywhere now. I could fuck him here or pressed up against the large glass windows that made up the entire northwest side of the house.
“I’ve seen those post-game interviews. You all sweaty and dressed in your uniform.
Maybe I have some deep-seated fantasy about that,” I whispered in his ear.
“You have a fantasy about fucking a sweaty hockey player?” He lifted a brow.
“No, fucking you as a sweaty hockey player.” I nipped at his jaw.
“Then come to a game. I’ll leave straight from the ice, won’t even take my skates off, and there’s a bathroom outside the locker room. I’ll take you right there.” His voice was low and his eyes dark. God, he was a beautiful man.
“Don’t threaten me with a good time, Mr. Silver.” I ran my hand up his sweatshirt.
“Oh yeah, you think that’s a good time?” He sat up and pulled his sweatshirt off. “Come to the game on Friday. I’ll show you.”
I pulled off my shirt to reveal I was wearing nothing underneath it.
His eyes skated over my body, landing on my mouth.
“Oh yeah, and if you get hit in the face with a puck again?” I didn’t know why this was turning me on.
Thinking about him and me in a dirty bathroom.
It would probably lead to a UTI or some other rash.
But the thought of others knowing that he was fucking me did something to me.
“Then lucky you.” His hand slid up my back, cupping my neck. “I’ll be covered in sweat, blood, and snot. You are such a lucky girl,” he said against my mouth.
“Yes, I am.” I worked to free his cock from his pants.
“Do you want me to wear a condom?”
“That’s up to you. You’re the only one I’ve ever done without protection.” And I had never wanted to before Julian.
“Is it irresponsible of me that I don’t want to wear one?” He lowered his mouth to my breast. His tongue swirled around my nipple.
“Is it irresponsible that I’m glad you said that?” I tangled my hands in his hair.
“I guess we’ll be irresponsible together.”
“I guess.” I shifted and slid down on his cock.
* * *
“So will you come to a game? And no, I will not fuck you in the dirty equipment bathroom. There isn’t enough room. And it’s gross.”
We were lying in bed now after a shower that led to oral. Julian had a bit of an oral fixation, not that I was complaining. Then we fucked again in bed. I felt like some horny teenager that had just discovered what a cock was. “You take all the fun out of everything.”
“That would not be fun.” He didn’t say another word.
I untangled myself from him and sat up. Julian was an attractive man when he was all dressed up in his game-day suit, his hair artfully arranged to look like it did now.
When he was being number thirty-five for the Las Vegas Desert Coyotes.
When he was guarded. But when he was Julian stretched out on the crumpled sheets, he made my heart ache and body crave to be next to him.
When he wasn’t guarded, he was beautiful. “What’s wrong?”
“Why do I want to confess everything to you?” he whispered. “To make my problems yours?”
I took his hand. His knuckles were cut and his joints swollen.
“The same reason I would lie, cheat, and steal to have one moment with you.” These stolen moments would catch up with me.
Maverick would catch up and there would be a price to pay.
Maverick didn’t like to be second. “Tell me.” I pressed a kiss to his wrist, watching the effect I had on him.
The way his breath slowed and his jaw unclenched.
Such a different effect than I had on Maverick.
“The game is against LA tomorrow.” He sat up, tracing circles on my leg with his finger, his eyes following the movement.
“She’s going to be there. And the world is going to be watching.
They’ll be waiting for me to fail.” He lifted his eyes to mine.
“What if I do? What if I can’t play? What if everything they say is true?
And I am washed-up. That I am half the player my father was.
I want you to come, but then I don’t because what if I fail? ”
“Julian.” I cupped his cheek. I had been so afraid to give him power over me, afraid he would use it against me.
And here he was, laying it all out. “I don’t care if you fall on your ass.
And if the world thinks you’re washed-up, I’ll tell them to fuck off.
I’m not with you because you play hockey.
” I was with him because I… because he made me feel important.
“If you wanted to quit tomorrow, I’d still be here.
And you’re not those things. So stop listening to all the noise.
Don’t let them get in here.” I tapped the middle of his forehead.
“What if I fuck us up? I don’t know if I can do this without…
” He looked down at our hands. I knew what he was thinking because I felt it too.
It was this little tug right under your ribs.
It was easy to ignore at first. But then as time went on, it became more of an ache.
It took your breath away. Until one day you realized that tug was bringing you closer to someone. To saying those three words.
I rested my head on his shoulder. We both sat quietly, watching the planes that hung over Las Vegas. “I’ll come to your game.” I pressed a kiss to his shoulder.
“Thank you.” He rested his head on top of mine.
The words whispered in the dark room were less about hockey and more about us.