Chapter 12
Lana
Where the fuck am I?
“Come on, Lana, get up,” I tell myself, but I don’t feel like getting up or doing anything productive. The only thing worth waking up for is that today is my day off from work, and that I can work out. But to do that, my body needs to respond and move my limbs. I start by sitting up.
“Ah!” My head is spinning, and I’m pretty sure I have a headache. My body is cemented into my bed and my legs—
Wait, my fucking legs.
My right hand moves toward the back of my right leg, and all my memories from last night come rushing back.
“You have no idea what you just consented to, Lana.”
I finally met him. The man who has been like a dark shadow. Lurking in the corner of every room I enter. M is an enigma, and I shouldn’t want to break him down, but I feel this intense need that I have to do it.
His gorgeous face and tantalizing voice now have a permanent place in my mind.
I want to pinpoint what draws him out, but it doesn’t pertain only to those two aspects.
It’s his magnetic personality, even though it’s infused with a certain darkness.
The moment I looked into his eyes, I knew I couldn’t get away from this man even if I tried.
He looked at me with such ferocity that my heart started beating faster and my whole body started sweating. My eyes scanned him from head to toe, all the way to his—
Incoming call.
Fuck, I’m snapped out of my thoughts because my fucking phone started ringing. I grab the phone in my purse and check the caller ID. It’s Emin, an employee. I grew to like him over time.
“Hi, dude, what’s up?” I ask cheerfully.
“Nothing, just wanted to talk. So, how did your shift end last night?”
“It was fine, but I did end up doing a big order for someone!” I haven’t done a big order in a while.
“Really? What did they order?” he asks incredulously. It’s silly that we talk like this about a job that is practically kicking both our asses, but we do it with pleasure because it’s bringing home the bacon.
“A hamburger deluxe with fries, two cheeseburgers, two slices of pie, and a large soda, and they left a big tip.”
“Nice. Do you think they will be back? Hopefully with some friends.” I can already see him making a pouty face.
“We can only hope. What are you doing today? I’m working out.”
“Planting some flowers in my garden. When will I see you again?”
“At work in two days?”
“I don’t think so, I need to sort out some affairs in my private life. I’m actually thinking about leaving.” This comes as a surprise, but I understand. The workplace isn’t always healthy.
“Oh no!” I say loudly, and I hear him chuckle over the phone.
“I hope that’s okay with you, as I know that the place will fall apart without me.”
“Shut up, Emin. That’s completely fine. We’ll talk soon, I hope?” He laughs.
“We will, Lana. Have a nice workout!” And we end our call. Emin and I never crossed that line from coworkers into something more, and the reason for that is quite simple: I don’t eat where I shit.
Speaking of eating.
“I’m hungry.” Talking to myself always comes naturally.
I get up, go to my kitchen, and look for the ingredients for a breakfast taco.
In my breakfast taco, I put eggs, sliced avocado, and some veggies.
After just a few minutes, I confirm what I anticipated: I don’t have the ingredients for breakfast taco.
“Will I ever have the right ingredients for something I crave? Stupid taco.” I slam the refrigerator door shut and grab a banana and a cup of coffee for breakfast. Some nutritionists would probably want to slap the shit out of me because I’m not eating something more well-rounded, and I don’t care.
I’m so tired that this combination will have to do.
I go and sit on my couch, enjoy my coffee, and look out the window while eating my breakfast. I sigh because my life is an absolute dumpster fire right now.
My dad is not here.
My mom is dead.
I have shit jobs.
My apartment is one health code violation away from being shut down.
And a perilous man is hunting me down.
But one thing will never evade me, and that’s determination. I will fucking succeed.
I have to repeat that statement every single day to get what I want.
I have always been someone who plans meticulously and takes it step by step. A well-organized day keeps my fucking anger away.
That’s why I’m going to the gym right now, as exercise is the best medicine.
***
Evening has arrived as I’m walking to my car, and I have been in the gym for almost five hours. My dad always said that exercise is the best way to clear your head.
Fuck, I miss him. Even though I feel some sadness about his absence, it doesn’t negate the fact that he was—
I stop dead in my tracks because M is calling me.
“Who is this?” I’m being petty for no reason while a smile is creeping up on my face.
M isn’t mad, he is amused because his chuckle is low. “I’m impressed, little hummingbird. What are you doing?”
“I’m getting in my car because I have just been at—” and I’m cut off.
“The gym.” Before my keys hit the ignition, I drop them. That confirms my suspicion that he might be following me everywhere. How? I don’t know.
“How did you know that?” I ask despite knowing I won’t get an answer.
“Not important. I do have a question for you, Lana.” I scrunch my eyebrows as I didn’t see this one coming. Before I answer him, I start my car.
“Don’t you dare be on your phone while you are driving.” His tone is stern, and there is even a hint of annoyance.
“Do you honestly think that you can tell me what to do?” I ask him. He whistles through the phone.
“Lana, if you start driving that car while talking to me, I’ll come to your house and tie you to that dingy bed of yours, face down, ass up.
And then I’ll spank the living shit out of you because you were defiant.
Do you want that?” He sounds stern, but there’s a spark beneath it, something dangerously close to amusement.
And why am I enjoying it? For years, I have been trying to be a good girl, pushing down my desire for something macabre.
M picks up on my hesitation.
“Is my little hummingbird thinking about it?” My breath hitches, and I’m struggling to start my car.
The reason for that could be simply that I’m afraid that he might tie me up.
But what if he won’t do it? Am I being purposefully defiant because I want to be punished, or because I want to get to know him?
“I—I—” No thoughts are occupying my mind as I have a feeling I’m being dragged into uncharted territories.
“Are you thinking about me perking that ass up? Are you thinking about me?” I hear M asking me through ragged breaths. Heat is pooling inside of me because this is what I want, but not what I need.
“Are you,” I cough, “thinking about me?” Saying that out loud makes me even more wet, and my car suddenly feels smaller than it is.
Because what if he is? It’s dark outside, but an inferno is burning in this confined space.
I put my phone on speaker so M’s voice can carry throughout my car and into my fucking loins.
Am I giving in to temptation? Can I do this?
“I am, little hummingbird. Now it’s your fucking turn.”
“Somebody will see me, M.”
“Don’t worry, you are parked in the private parking lot of your gym. And I have disabled the electricity in the building so that everyone will stay inside and we won’t be bothered.”
What the actual fuck? His demanding tone right now gives me one clear message: shut the fuck up and do what you are told. This feels so wrong, and I could disconnect the call, but I give in to this delicious and sinful act.