Chapter 31
MAfter I left the diner this morning, I felt odd. Lana seemed so out of place and scared. And the next question really makes me mad. Does Marco know Lana?
I’m pondering in my apartment downtown while people are already celebrating outside.
New Year’s Eve is a big deal in Bosnia, and people start planning it five or even six months in advance.
It is one night a year where we completely set loose.
Most restaurants are completely booked, or people are celebrating it at home.
I look outside my window in my penthouse and admire the festivities. And the city.
Snow blankets the city, softening Sarajevo’s edges.
From my window, the streets are already alive, even if the fireworks haven’t started.
Café owners sweep slush from their doorways, steam rising from espresso machines into the cold air.
People hurry along Ferhadija, scarves tight, coats pulled closed, the air thick with the scent of smoke, diesel, and anticipation.
I watch it all and feel the tug of other New Year’s Eves—laughter that came easy, warmth that filled every corner of my chest. The city hasn’t changed; I have. And yet, seeing it like this, messy and radiant, I remember that Sarajevo always felt like home, even through all the heartbreak.
It reminds me of simpler times.
I wish my feelings right now were simple, but they're not.
The last time I felt something real was when my mother died.
The despair I felt then made me shut off any emotion.
For the longest time, I convinced myself that if I wanted to survive this world, I should shut off all emotions.
Getting hurt meant admitting that my heart was still beating.
And I was not ready for that because I almost killed someone innocent when my mama died.
“Are you waiting for an invitation to drink coffee, or do you want me to pour it over you? Ha? Asshole.” I completely forgot that Hana was here. She sits down on the couch opposite me, and we drink the delicious Bosnian coffee she prepared.
“You always make the best coffee,” I say to my cousin as I take a sip. My eyes literally roll back.
“Thanks. That cunt was awful, but I will forever be grateful for her teaching me how to make this.” Hana is correct, her mother was an obnoxious, controlling woman. Luckily, she was murdered alongside her father.
Hana and I share the same grandmother, as her mom is my father’s sister. We all stem from fucked-up family members.
Our families have been in this business for over a hundred years, and we have seen it all.
“I’m so glad my parents are dead.” I shake my head in disbelief, and she catches up on that.
“Are you surprised I said that?” she asks me.
“I’m not. It just came out of nowhere.”
“Just like your knife against their throats.” So, yes, I killed her parents.
A year after my father’s disappearance, her mother tried to revive our organization, but she failed miserably.
She had absolutely no contacts, no special skills, and no charisma.
After a while, she became unbearable and abusive toward Hana.
My cousin always had balls on her, but her parents really fucked her up for a while.
Hana couldn’t take it anymore and asked me to do something about it. So one night while she was out with her friends, I snuck into her house and slit her parents’ throats. No muss, no fuss.
“Yeah. So, what are you doing tonight?” I ask her as I light a cigarette.
“I’m going to a club with Anja and Kenan. You?”
“Be safe. I’m going to—” A thought strikes me. “Did you say Anja?” She nods at me.
“She is studying to become a nuclear physicist like her dad, right?”
“Yes. Do you want to become one?” I shake my head.
“Yeah, fuck no. I don’t have time for a PhD.” I put out my cigarette as she lights one up. “And if I recall correctly, she is brilliant and made something for us a while ago?” Hana’s eyes widen as the realization settles in.
“She made Velorum mist with her dad. Why, do you need some?” I wiggle my eyebrows at her.
“Consider it done. How do you want it?”
“In a small package with big impact.”
After Hana and I discuss everything, she leaves to get ready. At around 5 p.m., her friend arrives and delivers me two small packages.
“Little hummingbird, I hope you can breathe tonight.”