CHAPTER XX #3
The vision flashes to another, more tense memory of a deep and dark room with a large oval table in the middle of it.
All of the various Princes and Kings of the Four Kingdoms are seated around the wood, their features hard and silent as they watch Zander stand up from his chair.
There’s no doubt in my mind that this is a memory of the Kingdoms Council, and in the short vision I see Clair seated next to her husband in deep and quiet thought.
But Zander’s intention with this memory isn’t to take us through the full debate, instead he shows us his prior self leaving the room with Golem, grimacing when he catches Troy sneaking behind a hidden nook in the hall.
The dismay on his face is apparent. He never meant for his son to know.
Another memory greets us, and it’s one that I know as I’m being approached by the King in a room that would become our standard meeting place. He’s giving me his proposition for my travel into the Old World libraries, and I watch as I smile at him and agree to my next adventure…
The vision flashes to about a year ago in same meeting room, just shortly before he tells me that he’s sending me to Dardar. I watch him frown as I walk away, my nonchalant and content attitude still holding true…
And finally, because I can feel King’s Zander’s emotions with this last push, he sends a vision of him speaking to Golem just after I departed from my meeting with him about the travel to Red Falls.
“You’ll need to slowly peel away the feelings Troy summoned into her, Golem,” the King looks back at his friend from his chair with a tired look on his face, “I don’t think she’ll be able to ever fully remember what happened to her in Woodlands, but we will certainly make sure to take away the faux contentment in everything she does. ”
Golem nods and takes a slow step towards Zander.
“She’s already breaking through on her own, though, isn’t she? The travels are doing it for her,” the King continues softly, “is it not a sight to see?”
Golem nods again and moves to stand directly next to his King.
“Protect Keane,” Zander looks up in hard resolute, “he will need your guidance more than ever in my absence…”
My heart is heavy as I watch this unfold in my mind, tears streaming down my cheeks as I continue to sob.
“Tell him to remake Woodlands,” the King sighs to his magical friend in deep sadness, “tell him that I’m sorry I didn’t listen to him sooner…”
Golem reaches out to Zander, pulling the King into his side as he starts crying into his robes.
“I wish I could be there to see their children…”
The King releases us both from his summoning, his magic leaving my mind as my head falls heavy onto the bed. I grip his hand tightly and sob into the sheets, hearing a final plea leave his lips as he whispers to Keane.
“Forgive me, son.”
King Zander passed later that evening surrounded by his sons and wife.
The wound to his chest grazed the upper portion of his heart, the green agate blade slicing against the vital organ and rendering it unable to heal.
It was an assassin’s blade. The healers stated that he could’ve survived the attack had the stone hit half an inch higher, but the blade pierced the needed muscle instead, leaving him to bleed out.
That information was provided to me the same night through a heavy slip of parchment under my door. I had the distinct feeling it came from Desmond.
Following my visions with the King, I vaguely remember Golem leaving the room only to enter again with the Master Informer.
The two of them helped me up from the floor as I tried to level my sobs, leading me through the royal residence and to my room without a word.
They held my shaking body carefully and tucked me into bed, leaving me to my cries as I succumbed to the scattered visions.
And though my memories of leaving the King’s room are vague, I will never forget the look on Keane’s face once Zander fell into a deep sleep from the exertion of his summoning.
His features were hardened and cold as he looked down at his father with glistening eyes, never once letting a tear fall.
His stood over the bed with such a rigid posture that I thought for sure he was going to tear the room apart in fury, because there was no sadness or sorrow on his features, just a steady anguish that consumed his whole body and left him strangled by his father’s side.
I’ve been in bed all night and into the late morning, leaving my sheets only to cry at the news that folded itself under my door.
I promptly returned to my bed and replayed all of King Zander’s visions in my mind, wishing that Golem was with me but understanding that his duty and desire kept him with the Bardot family.
Stormfall is with me, cawing in sad tandem with each of my sobs.
He wakes when I do. Sleeps when I do. Just offers his peaceful presence to an otherwise unpeaceful darkness.
I wake again when the early morning turns to midday, watching through red eyes as the sun pushes through the sheer curtains of my balcony as if not caring that the full of the castle is in mourning.
I curl into myself and try to fall back asleep, but my mind is pulled in every direction by the memories of my younger self.
I toss around in anxiety in a restless fit, only getting out of bed when the day turns to night. I rush into my bathing room and let the darkness consume, my stomach heaving out onto the floor as I fall to my knees.
The King is dead.
The King that cared for me for the better half of my life is dead…
And I am from Woodlands.
The realization hits my whole being. I recall the grey of my attire in the first vision, the fabric deeply resembling the few servants that have traveled to Bardot with the Court’s delegations.
I sob into my hands and try to find any memories as a child, try my hardest to find any recollection of my parents or my family.
Anything that happened prior to coming to Bardot.
But nothing comes.
Forgive me, Alexis.
The King’s words push through my mind, sending me into another deep sob as I curl onto the cold floor.
Forgive him for having his son push emotions into me?
Because that is what Troy did.
He did the same when he approached me at my door not two nights ago, willing me to talk to him. The desire I felt, the desire to engage with him… it truly wasn’t my own. It was Troy pushing that emotion into me and expelling it out.
How could I ever forgive that?
But then I see the look on my young face.
That girl was so lifeless and cold once the anger settled.
She was cut off from the world and the people around her.
Whatever happened to me in Woodlands left me that way.
It left me desolate and spiritless and a shell of a girl who curled up against the bed without any desire to move forward.
Could I blame the King for wanting his son to make me okay? To make me normal again?
Make her feel happy, content…
Isn’t that the sentiment I held throughout my whole life in Knowledge? Happy with everything around me and content in my simple life and unquestioning? Was that sentiment routed deep within me because of Troy and his father? Were the emotions even my own?
Does it even matter?
Because where would I be now if they hadn’t intervened? Who would I be if Troy didn’t do what he did? Would I still be depressed, living on the roads with nowhere to go?
Of course I could forgive him, forgive them.
I cry myself to sleep on the floor of my bathing room, ignoring the foul stench next to me. My mind is racing with too many questions for my body to handle, so I let the exhaustion pull me into a deep slumber.
I’m awoken by the sound of padded footsteps in my room at some point late in the night.
Those familiar feet are followed by large and heavy ones behind them, the two sets looking for where I am.
They finally make their way into the bathing chamber and pause, a cry of sympathy leaving my friend’s lips.
I’m engulfed by big and steady hands and the brush of a bushy beard, letting Cal lift me off the floor before he carries me in his arms.
I start crying again, feeling his hands running down my back and holding me to him as he walks us to my room.
He kneels down softly on my bed and consoles me with a steady hum, his big hand leaving my back as Golem joins us.
The feel of a wet cloth hits the side of my arm and I know Cal’s cleaning me, his other hand running through my hair as I continue to cry.
He lays us down, not saying a word, and pulls me into the front of his chest before letting me fall asleep cradled in his arms.
I don’t know how long Cal lets me sleep, but I’m awakened again by Golem’s shuffled steps in my room and the sound of glasses and wooden plates gently falling onto the ground next to us.
“Thank you, Golem,” Cal replies softly, shifting slightly so that he frees his arms and leans away.
Golem’s feet move through my room and back out the door, closing it softly behind him.
“Are you hungry, Alex?” Cal moves again, his voice full of concern.
I keep my eyes shut to the room around me and draw a pillow to my body where his was.
“No,” I reply hoarsely, shutting my eyes even tighter.
Stormfall caws sadly from somewhere in the room. He lands on my shoulder and then dips onto the bed, attempting to snuggle into my neck.
“At least have a drink,” Cal replies.
I shake my head hard and hold the pillow in desperation.
“Tell her it’s ale,” Alanna’s voice sighs, prompting me to sit up right away.
Her cool grey eyes meet mine in small amusement. She’s leaning against the arch to my bathing room, her knowing gaze flicking back to Cal who is sitting on the edge of my bed.
“Told you she’d wake up,” she chuckles.
Cal rolls his eyes at the Discerni and reaches across the bed, holding out two drinks. I eye the water and ale and reach a shaking hand for the mug.