28. Sorrel
SORREL
Iassumed last night when I said, “I guess this is it,” and Denton didn’t say anything back, we were over.
He slept on the couch and I cried all night in our bunk.
I don’t know how he didn’t notice how puffy my eyes and face were this morning.
I got up before him and took a cold shower to try and numb the pain of it all.
Every time I tried to put on my makeup, tears would start falling.
Now he’s telling me it’s not over and I don’t know what to think.
It looks like he’s crying now and it makes me cry even more. We’re both sitting here crying, and when he finally looks back up at me, we hold each other's gaze.
I don’t know why but a smile starts to tug at his lips and I let out a strangled laugh—wiping the snot from my nose with the back of my hand. Now we’re both laughing and crying at the same time. What the fuck is wrong with us?
“I don’t want to be done. I just thought last night we were when you didn’t say anything or come to bed.”
“I’m sorry. I thought you wanted space.”
“No, I wanted you. Clearly, we need to work on our communication skills,” I say, letting out a light laugh.
Sniffling and wiping at his nose, he says, “Yeah, I think you're right.”
We take a moment to compose ourselves.
His eyes darken and his tone turns serious. “Sorrel, miles don’t break what’s meant to last.”
And my heart aches all over again, in a good way.
“Whether we're hundreds or thousands of miles apart it will never change the love I have for you.”
I crawl into his arms and he touches his forehead to mine.
“I love you,” I say breathlessly.
“I love you too, baby.”
My heart grows in my chest and I’m relieved that he still wants to make it work. I know a good thing when I see it, and even if I don’t get to see it nearly enough, it will all be worth it.
Charli and Johnny come out of the bus.
“Did you two kiss and make up or what?” Johnny says and Charli elbows him in the side “Ow, that hurt,” he says to her, pouting.
I roll my eyes at him.
“Everything’s all good.” Denton says, smiling down at me. “Just working out a few kinks is all.”
“Yay!” Charli squeals running over to hug us both.
We hug her back and laugh.
“So, you still coming home?”
“Yes, she is. She belongs at the ranch but she’ll be taking my heart with her when she goes,” Denton tells Charli.
“Damn, you’ve gotten cheesy,” Johnny says to Denton, and Charli shoots him another look.
“We’re going to try the long-distance thing for a little while,” I say.
“Not try. We're gonna do it and we’ll figure it out from there. Honestly, I want to be at the ranch as bad as she does,” Denton says.
“I guess you are a real cowboy,” Johnny says, patting Denton on the shoulder. “It’s part of your life now.”
We all smile at him, being sincere and not being sarcastic for once.
“It is. I’m not giving up on singing, but I have some decisions to make about my career.”
I thought I was the reason he was hesitant about where his career was going and how it was taking off but from what he’s saying it sounds like it isn’t only because of me.
That's a huge relief because I don’t want to be the reason he doesn't follow through on anything. Then in twenty years he resents me for holding him back from being a huge star. Even still, I won’t let him give up on his dreams. Whatever they may be now.
He was there for me when I needed him and I’ll be here for him.
Even if that means steering him in the right direction.
“I know somehow I can have the best of both worlds. The ranch and music. I’ve just got to figure it out.”
I smile and nod, “I’ll support you in any way I can babe,” I tell him.
“I know you will, darlin’.”
We say our goodbyes and I cry all over again. Gosh, I’m going to dry up from losing so many tears. Denton picks up Dash and gives him a few scratches behind his ears.
“I’m gonna miss you, buddy, but I’ll miss your mama even more.”
I take Dash from him and put him in the front seat. Charli is already in the driver's seat and the engine of her diesel truck is roaring. Her and Johnny’s goodbyes weren’t nearly as emotional. They’re more in the hot and heavy phase, unable to keep their hands off each other.
“Well, I’ll see you soon?” I ask Denton.
“You will. I’ll figure out a way to come see you even if we have to move some things around. I love you, Sorrel Saxxon.”
“I love you too, Denton Reed,” I say, getting on my tippy-toes to kiss him goodbye.
He holds me in a firm and long embrace and our mouths come together—tongue and all. I can’t get enough and I want to remember the way he tastes. Fuck, this is going to be hard.
We finally pull apart when Charli honks her horn.
I leave without turning around and I can feel him watching me as I climb into the pickup.
When we finally drive off, I look back through the rear windshield and he’s still standing there watching us.
He gives me a small wave and I give him one back as a stray tear slides down my cheek.
We get on the highway and begin the twenty-hour drive back to the Saxxon Ranch. Home.
It’s been nearly five months since I left Fort Worth to go home, back to the Saxxon Ranch.
Right after I left, Denton moved around a few shows and was able to fly out and spend four days at the ranch.
I traveled to him the next time and met him in Telluride, Colorado, around Christmas to meet his mom and sister.
We all stayed in a cabin together and went snowboarding, drank hot chocolate, and played cards by the fire every night. It was a blast. They’re spending a week at the ranch with us this summer and we can’t wait.
Denton has a show in Arizona tomorrow night, and the Cave Creek pro rodeo is the same weekend so Charli and I decided to enter. I love the cold Montana winter, but this Arizona sun sure does feel good.
I was starting to go stir crazy in my cabin.
When he said he was going to be on the west coast until spring, I jumped at the opportunity to enter a few pro rodeos out west. Charli and I made the long haul to Arizona and we’ve been here for a few days now.
We have a blast traveling and entering rodeos together.
Charli is almost up to run and I can hear Johnny whooping and hollering from the stands. They’re still paired up and it makes it easier that we can both complain about our long-distance relationships.
Johnny got to Arizona early and had booked him and Charli a romantic date night.
It was fucking adorable. I felt like I was her dad when I answered his knock on the trailer door, here to pick her up.
I even played the tough guy act and everything.
Told him to have her home by eleven. Let’s just say she never came home that night.
I’m mounted on Duke and we’re sitting behind the arena fence, waiting our turn to run.
I take it all in, the fans in the bleachers, vendors set up selling hats, tack, and more.
The smell of fresh kettle corn in the air.
Kids are playing and roping dummies, some of them with a rope in their hand for the first time.
I love this way of life. I couldn’t imagine it any other way.
Charli’s up to run now. She’s running her mare Dolly.
She’s a short and stocky buckskin mare, who’s wicked fast. They look badass, storming into the arena.
Charli pushes her hard to the first barrel and she slips a little getting around it.
Fuck, that will cost them some time. It doesn't faze them though. She’s bent over the saddle horn, arms out and legs kicking to the next barrel.
Their last two barrels are clean and she pushes her mare home. What a great run.
Duke and I trot over to them as she cools Dolly off.
“Fuck yeah, good run!” I tell her.
“Thanks, babe, your turn. Turn and burn, baby!”
I chuckle and pull my hat down on my head—making my way toward the arena entrance.
Just like every time I run, my stomach twists and Duke can feel the anticipation. He’s prancing and rearing and I have to hold him back until the buzzer sounds. It goes off and I send him forward.
Riding him is like being on autopilot. He knows his job so well—I just have to stay out of his way.
I hear someone cheering me on from the stands, which I normally try to tune out but that voice is familiar.
It motivates me and I push Duke hard running home.
We have a good run and I’m excited to see where we’ll end up when the weekend is over.
I cool Duke off in the back arena slowing to a trot and eventually a walk. A tall handsome cowboy is walking toward us and my chest twists when his face comes into focus.
My Denton. His smile is so big I can make out that one dimple that rarely makes an appearance. He’s got a little scruff on his chiseled jaw and he’s wearing a felt cowboy hat and my favorite Wrangler denim pearl-snap shirt. Damn, he looks good.
A happy little squeal comes out of me as I jump off Duke and run to where he’s now standing at the fence. I climb onto the bottom pole and lean over and give him a kiss. Duke starts nickering when he realizes who it is and I laugh.
“Even Duke missed you!”
“Well, hello, to you too gorgeous,” he says, giving me that smile that heats me to my core every time.
“I didn’t think you were gonna make it in time to see my run.”
“Ray was pedal to the floor the whole way here. I told him if we missed your run, he was gonna get an ear full from Charli. That kicked him into high gear.” He chuckles.
I smile down at him and go in for more kisses. We need to get back to my trailer before someone says something about too much PDA. I can’t help myself though I’m so happy he’s here.
“Let’s get back to my trailer. Dash is going to go crazy when he sees you.”
I lead Duke out of the arena, loosening his cinch before we leave. Denton gives him a few scratches on his withers.
He comes to my left side and we hold hands walking through the rows of trailers, passing cowboys and cowgirls. I can tell a few of them recognize Denton but they leave us be.
When we make it back to my trailer, I hurry and unsaddle Duke. Denton helps and throws some hay in his portable pen and fills his water.
“Thanks, babe,” I beam at him.
I let Dash out of the trailer now that Duke is put up and he literally howls in excitement jumping up and down for Denton to pick him up. He’s laughing and takes him into his arms.
“You’re such a good dog dad,” I joke.
“Hopefully that means I’ll be a good human dad too,” he says softly.
My heart leaps into my throat when I think about him and babies. Hopefully my babies, which would be our babies. I need to get him in the trailer now.
I grab his hand and pull him to the door.
“I’m comin’, cowgirl, slow down.” He laughs.
I struggle with the buttons on my shirt.
“Go lay down, We need some alone time,” I tell Dash.