Hunger

Chapter 11

Ididn’t touch myself, didn’t make myself come.

I wanted to. God, I wanted to.

I’d gone to Talon’s apartment not sure what he had in store for me.

And Jesus Murphy, watching him fuck his fist was going to be seared in my spank-bank forever. The way he gripped himself, moving his hand up and down his smooth, hard flesh. The way he sprawled on the couch, eyeing me in that stern, you-will-obey-me way.

My pussy had clenched over and over, aching to have him inside me. Weeping with readiness.

He’d gone easy on me. I knew he had, but I’d had been so close to climaxing myself. So wet, so primed—and he’d still told me no.

I’d seen that smile he’d tried to hide. He’d enjoyed teasing me, enjoyed making me beg and then sending me away.

He really had been kind of a dick, but on the other hand, I’d never expected to get off scot-free. And if this was how he wanted to punish me, then I’d take it. He could’ve done so much worse to me, and we both knew it.

Now, though, I was so worked up, I hurt. I had to take a shower to cool myself off. After, I padded to the walk-in closet and pulled on a sleepshirt.

Kerry had brought a laundry cart of my clothes to me—things I could still wear like sweaters, joggers and yoga pants, along with shoes and outerwear. I’d stowed them in the closet alongside the clothes I’d bought in New York.

I flipped through my shirts, stopping on a new black top. I fingered it, a small, wicked smile formed on my lips.

Perfect. Especially paired with my leather-look pants, the pair Rio said made my ass look amazing.

Yeah, they were maternity clothes, but they were still sexy in a downtown New York kind of way.

If this was war, then I refused to be on the losing side.

Rio spent the morning with me, then left, saying, “I have to get back. Mrs. Park’s going to teach me how to make Korean shaved ice. She says she never learned how to cook, but anyone can make shaved ice—even a skinny white kid like me.”

He chuckled. Twilight’s grandmother had made a conquest.

“Have fun.” I’d have liked him to stay longer, but I was happy he was making friends. “And I call dibs on whatever you come up with.”

“You got it,” he said and took off.

A few minutes later, a soldier named Jasper arrived, a dhampir who’d grown up off-island.

“Hey, Jasper.” I grinned, genuinely happy to see him. Jasper was kind of like a puppy, friendly and eager to please—all the thralls liked him. “How’s it going?”

I stepped back to allow him into the living room, but he stopped in the doorway. “Get your coat,” he said, unsmiling. “I’m here to take you for a walk.”

My smile just hung there for a second. Then I pressed my lips together, confused and a little hurt. “Oohh-kaayy,” I said, and got my hiking boots and puffer jacket.

Castle Leclerc squatted on the island’s northernmost cliff, a four-tower square enclosing the courtyard. Usually at this time of day, at least a couple of other thralls would be out walking, too, but the courtyard was conspicuously empty. Apparently, I wasn’t allowed to see or speak to anyone but Rio and my guards.

The silver-reinforced main gate was closed, but Jasper unlocked the smaller door next to it, and we followed the cobblestone road until we reached the path that ran the cliff.

Sixty feet below, the ocean hurled itself against the rocks: smash and retreat, smash and retreat. A stiff breeze lifted my hair, stinging my eyes and nose. Sunlight glinted off the deep blue water, and seagulls wheeled above stark black cliffs softened by beach grass and velvety moss.

I drew a lungful of the salt-scented air.

This was Lilith Island, a mass of contradictions: Sunshine and darkness. Soft sand and stony paths. Humans and vampires.

When I was Rio’s age, I couldn’t wait to escape this fifteen-kilometers-long, three-kilometers-wide rock in the middle of nowhere. I was the kid who was going to get out of here, make something of herself, but living in New York City had given me a new perspective. Lilith Island was beautiful in a way that a city could never be.

Still, I felt a tug of sadness for that girl who was going to make something of herself.

Jasper had dropped back so that he was a few steps behind me. It made me itchy, so when we reached a path that led down to the ocean, I shoved my hands into my coat pockets and turned to face him.

His spiked-up, reddish-blond hair gleamed under the sun, and his freckles stood out on his pale skin. “So you’re my babysitter today,” I said.

His dark glasses made his expression hard to read. A dhampir can tolerate an hour or two of sunlight, especially in the fall and winter, but it’s painful to their sensitive eyes.

His only answer was a shrug.

Inside my pockets, my nails dug into my palms. “So you’re not allowed to talk to me? Or are you pissed off at me for some reason?”

Jasper was only a few inches taller, but he managed to look down his nose at me. “You got greedy, Eden. What—they weren’t paying you enough? Because I know you were making the same as me, and that’s a helluvalot more than you’d make anywhere else.”

“You’ve been talking to Aidan and Nathan.”

A cool stare.

My jaw set. “Does everyone know?”

“The soldiers do, anyway.” Jasper’s mouth twisted. “You’re lucky Talon didn’t slit your throat. But you got pregnant, didn’t you? Smart.”

“Who told you I was pregnant?”

“William, when he assigned me to guard you.”

I blew a breath out through my nose. “So that’s what you guys think? That I got pregnant to weasel my way out of this?” Nathan had said something similar.

“Didn’t you?”

“It wasn’t like that. But you know what?” Removing my hands from my pockets, I drew myself to my full height. “I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

“No, you don’t. But—” he cast a pointed look at the gold cuff peeking out from beneath my sleeve—“Talon’s treating you better than you deserve.”

“I thought we were friends,” I returned, then rolled my lips in. That had come out more forlorn than I’d intended.

“Were,” he returned. “We were friends. Not anymore.”

“Suit yourself.” Still, things were bad if even Jasper no longer wanted to be my friend. He was the nicest soldier; all the thralls liked him.

“And now you’re carrying a dhampir. You know I’m a dhampir, right?”

I frowned. “Of course. So?”

“Do you know how hard it is for us in the syndicate? Yeah, your spawn’s father is a lieutenant, but what you did is going to leave a stain. Your kid’s going to have to work even harder to find their place.”

I flinched. I’d accepted Talon’s blood bond for the baby’s sake, and for Jasper to imply I didn’t have my child’s best interest in mind was like a jab to the solar plexus.

“Did you even think about what you were doing?”

Okay, I was officially angry now. “You know what? Attack me, sure. Maybe I deserve it—but not for getting pregnant. That was an accident, not that it’s any of your business. And I’m doing my best to roll with it. And yeah,” I added, “I do know how hard it is for a dhampir. Maybe that’s why I left. Maybe I don’t want my baby to grow up in the syndicate. Maybe I didn’t want my baby to have to fight for their place in a hierarchy that’s rigged against them.”

Maybe I wanted my baby to be wanted—not tolerated—by his father.

Jasper huffed a scornful breath. “You really think it’s better out in the human world? I grew up with a human mom, remember? The other kids treated me like I had two heads, and their parents were afraid to let me play with their precious babies in case I dragged them somewhere and drained their blood. It didn’t help that when you’re pissed off or excited, your eyes change and your fangs slide out, something I couldn’t always control. I mean, what four-year-old can?”

Holy crap. I stared at him, shocked and a little ashamed. “I’m sorry. I…didn’t know.”

“Because you’re a human.”

“Because it wasn’t like that here on the island. Nathan—back when we were kids, everyone knew you didn’t want to mess with him, but we accepted him.”

“This is Lilith Island,” Jasper said. “Trust me, the real world is nothing like this.”

Olivia’s office was in a little stone cottage nestled beneath an ancient oak at the edge of Bluebeard’s Cove.

I was conveyed there in a syndicate SUV by a stocky, silver-haired driver named Mr. Jones. The thirty-minute drive passed in silence, me staring out the window as we drove around the southern end of the island as the thick forest that surrounded the castle gave way to farms and vineyards.

Mr. Jones parked the SUV and exited to open my door. “I’ll be out here,” he told me.

I thanked him and walked up the cobblestone path through a yard crammed with wildflowers. They were dormant now, their leaves shriveled by frost, the seedheads picked clean by the birds.

A certified nurse-midwife, Olivia lived on the cottage’s second floor, using the first floor for patient visits. Her purple door was unlocked, and inside, the waiting room was deserted. Talon must’ve arranged that, too. Even the receptionist’s desk stood empty, her computer off.

As I hung my jacket on a peg, Olivia strode into the waiting room, short brown curls bouncing, a smile on her round, pretty face, and pulled me into a hug.

“Eden! It’s so good to see you.”

“You, too.” I hugged her back.

Inside my chest, something tight eased. I’d known her since I was a kid, and it was nice to see someone who seemed happy I was home.

“So,” the midwife said in her blunt way. “I hear you’re preggers. Come on back.”

Leading me into the examining room, she asked me a few questions, then had me undress so she could “check things out,” as she said, joking with me the entire time like we were having a girls’ night out or something.

For the first time, I saw and heard the baby’s heartbeat. I stared at the ultrasound image, awed at this evidence of a person growing inside me.

This was really happening.

I was having a baby.

Talon’s baby.

Olivia moved the ultrasound wand to another place on my abdomen. “Would you like to know the gender?”

My mouth hitched up. “I think I figured it out.” That appendage at the base of his belly was unmistakable.

“A boy,” she confirmed. “Sometime in the middle of February, give or take a week.”

“A boy.” I drew a slow inhale. “Okay.”

Somehow, I’d figured I’d was having a girl. Growing up, it had been just me and Freya.

“Congratulations.” A grinning Olivia shut down the machine and wiped the gel off my stomach.

“Thank you?” It came out like a question because panic had screwed itself into my insides. What did I know about raising a boy? And a half-vampire boy at that?

My conversation with Jasper came back to me. I’d been thinking about it ever since this morning, actually.

This is Lilith Island. Trust me, the real world is nothing like this.

I’d be a human mom with a dhampir son. A little boy who could eat human food but required blood to thrive.

Maybe I’d been wrong to think we’d be better off elsewhere. I mean, I would’ve figured it out. Whatever my baby needed, I would’ve given it to him. Hopefully.

But maybe staying on Lilith Island, trying to make a family with Talon, was best for my baby.

“He’s a dhampir?” Olivia asked, echoing my thoughts.

“Yeah.”

“Lieutenant Talon’s?”

“Yes.” I caught her hand. “But promise me you won’t tell my mom and dad. I want to tell them myself. Don’t even tell them you saw me, okay?”

I did want to tell my parents myself, but I was more worried about my dad, and what he’d do if he heard I was home. Nothing scared him, especially where me and Freya were concerned. He’d come to the castle and raise hell, demanding to see me, and if the syndicate refused, God knew what he’d do.

“Who you tell is none of my business,” Olivia said. “I’m here to make sure you have a safe, healthy delivery, and that’s all. Right now I can tell you that you and your little guy are doing great. Now get dressed and we’ll talk about what comes next.”

A few minutes later I exited her office armed with pamphlets and more prenatal vitamins—her special blend for dhampir babies—as well as instructions to eat right and get moderate exercise.

She followed me into the hall. “I’ll want to see you again in four weeks. I’ll set it up with Talon. And Eden?” Her gray eyes creased in a reassuring smile. “It will be okay. You’ll see. Call me anytime you need me—I’m here. Night or day.”

“Thank you,” I said, still absorbing the fact that I was going to have a baby boy. Clutching the small bag with the vitamins and pamphlets, I headed back into the waiting room—and froze.

My mom was ensconced on one of Olivia’s comfortable lavender chairs, flipping through a magazine, her thick blond braid falling forward over her shoulder.

“Mom?” I asked at the same time she exclaimed, “Eden.”

Tossing the magazine aside, she stood up, arms open wide. I walked into them, bag of vitamins and all, and she enfolded me in a hug, her cushiony breasts pressing against mine. The familiar scent of coffee and cinnamon and Mom—of home—enveloped me.

My heart constricted. I hugged her back.

“Where the heck have you been?” she demanded in a voice rough with tears.

My own eyes stung. I swallowed hard. “New York. Well, that’s where I ended up anyway.”

“The city?”

“Yeah. Brooklyn.”

“You’re okay?” She stepped back, holding onto my upper arms. “You never called. We were so worried.”

“I’m sorry. I wanted to call, so bad, but I was afraid.”

Her brows scrunched together. “What d’you mean you were afraid?”

I blinked. Why had I said that? “I mean, I didn’t want you two involved.”

“Involved?”

Damn, I was only making things worse. I shook my head without speaking, and she palmed my cheek.

“It’s okay, honey. Whatever’s wrong, we’ll fix it. C’mon, let’s go.”

She plucked my jacket from the coat rack and held it out. I took it, hugging it to my stomach instead of putting it on. In the little bag, the vitamins rattled.

“I can’t, Mom. I have to get back.”

“You don’t have time for a short visit? What’s going on? And why are you here?”

“Just a routine checkup.”

Olivia entered the waiting room in time to hear that last part. She looked from me to my mother, clearly sensing the awkwardness, then smiled. “Hey, Gigi.”

My mom flicked her a look, but she was too polite to ignore the midwife. “Hello, Olivia.”

“She’s fine,” the midwife said. “Nothing to worry about.”

“See,” I told my mom. “It was routine. Now I have to go. My ride is waiting…”

Mom’s blue eyes scraped down my body. Then her mouth dropped open. Drawing my jacket to the side, she touched my abdomen.

“You’re pregnant, aren’t you?” She snatched the bag from me and pulled out the prenatal vitamins, eyeing the bottle like it was a hand grenade. “That’s why you’re here.”

I swallowed. “Yeah.”

My mom read the vitamin label and inhaled sharply. “With a dhampir?”

Olivia shifted on her feet. “Maybe I’ll give you two a few minutes alone.”

“Please,” said my mom without taking her gaze from me, and Olivia withdrew.

“Well?” Mom demanded.

I heaved a breath. “Yes, the baby’s a dhampir. Talon’s.”

“But why did you leave, then?”

“It’s…complicated.”

“Why?” She puffed up, a mama bear ready to defend her cub. “Is he giving you trouble about it?”

“No. I mean, not because of the baby. Actually, he seems okay with it.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“Don’t ask. Please? It’s syndicate business. And don’t blame Talon. I messed up and it’s up to me to fix things.”

She stared at me, her eyes moving between mine. “What d’you mean, you messed up? And don’t give me that “syndicate business” crap. You’re my daughter and I want to know what’s going on.”

The doorknob turned and we both started like we’d been caught doing something wrong.

Mr. Jones poked his head inside the room, his bushy brows lowered. “Time to go, Miss. The lieutenant said to bring you straight back.”

“I’ll be right there,” I told him, and he withdrew, leaving the door ajar.

I gave my mom a last, hard hug. “I love you, Mom.”

I tried to step back, but she hung on. “Wait. What am I going to tell your father? He’s been so worried. We both were. In fact, he’s in Halifax right now trying to find out what happened to you.”

Guilt fisted my lungs. “I’m sorry. I told you I’d be out of contact for a while.”

Which was a lame excuse, and I knew it—and my mom called me on it. “What did you expect? You just disappeared. One text, and you were gone.”

“I’m sorry,” I said again. “But tell Dad I’m all right. Because I am. Really.”

Was I protesting too much? Probably.

“I don’t like this.” Mom released me, shaking her head. “And to be honest, I don’t know if I can stop him from coming up to the castle.”

My stomach bottomed out. This was what I’d been trying to prevent. The last thing I wanted was my parents involved in this.

“No!” I blurted. “You have to stop him. If he shows up, he’ll just make things worse for me.”

She put her hands on her hips. “What aren’t you telling me?”

That I spied on the syndicate and I’m under house arrest until Talon decides I’ve been punished enough.

Yeah, that would go over real good.

“Please.” I edged toward the door. “Just let it go for now, okay? I promise I’ll visit as soon as I can. Just...give me a little time to work things out with Talon. I’m not in any danger—I mean I’m pregnant with his spawn, after all. He’s not going to hurt me.”

“Fine,” she said, tight-lipped. “But you tell Talon that if anything happens to you—anything at all—we will tear this damn island apart and take our story to the world. They won’t be able to hush us up like they did Gwen’s family.” Gwen was the thrall Jules Leclerc had murdered in a fit of blood-madness.

I nodded several times. “I will,” I lied.

“I mean it, Eden Montgomery.” She grabbed my arm, determination in every line of her body. “You tell him, or I will.”

Mr. Jones opened the door again, preventing me from making my mom any promises. “Time to go,” he said firmly. “I should have had you back already.”

“Coming,” I said and brushed my lips over my mom’s soft cheek. “I love you, and everything’s going to be all right. Promise. Give Dad my love, too, okay?”

“Wait!” She gripped my hand. “When are you due?”

“Middle of February.”

“Yeah?” Her face softened. “A Valentine’s Day baby.”

“I guess.” That hadn’t occurred to me, actually.

Now it hurt my heart.

A Valentine’s Day baby implied love, commitment. I suppose Talon was committed to me and the baby. He’d offered me his blood bond, after all.

But love?

I swallowed over the goose egg in my throat. “Love you both,” I said again.

Mom heaved a breath and squeezed my hand. “Love you, too, honey,” she said and helped me into my coat, then followed me out the door to the curb.

Mr. Jones was holding the SUV’s back door open.

I climbed inside. Mom leaned past him to ask, “When are we going to see you?”

I moved a shoulder in a helpless shrug. “I don’t know.”

“Text me then. I want to hear from you every day.”

“Can’t. I…lost my phone.”

“Eden.” Her mouth tightened. “I don’t like this. I don’t like this at all.”

“I know, but promise me you’ll give me a week or two, okay? If you do anything, you’ll only make things worse.”

“Make things worse?” she asked, her voice rising.

“Promise me, Mom. You were a thrall. You know how it is.”

“Damn it, Eden.”

“Please.”

Her lips pressed together, but she nodded. “A week. That’s all. And it’s going to be hard enough getting your father to agree to that.”

“Two weeks,” I said. “Please, Mom. This is important, okay? You have to let me work this out myself.”

I sat back before she could tell me no. Mr. Jones shut the door and got behind the wheel.

The last thing I saw was my mom dragging a hand down her braid, her worried, unhappy expression causing an answering lump to congeal in my stomach.