Chapter 21
Nadja returned to the bed on trembling legs, her eyes wide and mouth open in shock. In awe.
What the actual fuck had just happened?
And how had he known? She knew the answer to that question—there was only one. JJ must have told him.
She was shaking with emotion, with sensation.
Her cunt throbbed from her orgasm, which had nearly knocked her off her literal ass and onto her back.
She was furious with JJ for telling Robbie about what she was, what she needed.
Because she knew, she knew, that even if Robbie was attracted to her, even if he would have wanted to hook up with her anyway, there was absolutely zero getting around the unfortunate fact that she could never be certain he had done what he’d done just then because he’d wanted to, or because he was such a good guy.
Worse still, she was hungrier than ever. It was like that little taste of Robbie, even from behind a door, had made the hunger worse than ever. And now that she’d had that crumb of him, she was desperate for more. He was delicious, a sugar rush. And now came the crash.
The crashout, she corrected in her brain as she stared up at the ceiling.
The bedroom door was still open, and she heard the shower turn off.
She pictured Robbie rubbing his hand briskly over his buzzed head, water droplets flying everywhere.
She pictured him reaching for a towel from the hook on the back of the door, drying his chest and arms and back before wrapping it low around his hips and tucking in the edge.
She imagined him swiping a hand across the mirror and seeing the reflection looking back at him—a lean torso, completely colored in by tattoos, his hand scratching his chest, his belly, and then moving lower, down, down, down toward—
“I have to go do dinner prep, Nadj,” Robbie said, and she jumped in surprise. “I’ll be back with food for you and then we’re gonna talk. K?”
“Sure thing,” she said weakly, squeezing her eyes shut and groaning.
She was so fucked.
She had to get out of here. Not forever.
Not even for the night. Just to feed. She’d go to the nearest town and find some internet.
Or even simply some cell service. Hell, she’d call Geoff through the app and tell him that she’d call him every single degrading thing he’d ever fantasized about if he’d drop everything, including his pants, and help her out. Maybe he’d find desperation sexy?
Either way, there was no way that she could have a conversation with Robbie about anything, let alone what had just happened on either side of the door—hell, in the open door when he’d sucked on her fingers and—no. No. No. No. She’d never get through it.
But if she could feed, if she could build up her reserves, even to the most basic of levels, she could sit across the table from him and calmly tell him that while she appreciated his selflessness, it could never happen again. They could never happen. This was an arrangement. Nothing more.
And maybe, maybe, with more energy and strength in her system, she’d be able to sound convincing when she said it.
She dressed with shaking hands. There had been multiple clothing items in that trash bag for her, but she found herself pulling on a pair of sweatpants that Robbie sometimes wore to sleep, though he always kicked them off within the first hour in bed, and a hoodie that also happened to be his.
She wasn’t going to think about that right now. Not ever.
She slipped into her shoes, grabbed her phone, and walked quickly toward the main building. A wave of nausea had her clutching at a tree next to the path, breathing deeply through her nose, her knees shaking.
But she couldn’t stop.
She made it to Robbie’s small SUV, thanking the universe that the keys were in the cupholder, where JJ said they needed to stay.
It was so easy. She hadn’t met a single soul on the path, and nobody stopped her from driving away from the commune.
She hadn’t seen anyone to ask a single question.
Maybe her luck was changing. She’d be gone two, three hours tops.
She’d feed. Maybe she’d feed twice if she were lucky.
And then she’d come back before anyone even knew she was gone.
Nadja’s vision started to go spotty as she pulled onto the main road.
No, no, no! Not now. Keep it together just a little longer!
But after five miles, she was forced to admit that she’d never make it. Not without wrecking the car. Her vision was coming and going, her heart fluttering weakly in her chest.
She pulled the car onto the shoulder and rested her forehead against the steering wheel. Hot tears surged forth, falling in scalding streams down her cheeks as she wept, hunger gnawing at her body like a dog with a bone, weakness like she’d never known threatening to overcome her completely.
It was the end of the road.