Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
JOANNA
Idon’t see Aidan again for the rest of the week.
Things around the farm have been too hectic, and now my mom is going back to visit my aunt again this weekend.
There was supposedly a complication with her recovery and something got infected.
Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing whether or not Holly’s telling the truth, so my mom has no choice but to go.
I don’t usually think about missing my mom when she’s gone, but right now, I feel like a kid again, being forced to say goodbye after having been dropped off at kindergarten.
Only it’s me dropping her off at the airport.
Between this and not having spent any more time with Aidan this week, I feel overcome with loneliness, something I haven’t felt since Aidan and I made our arrangement.
And I can’t shake the fear that asking him to bite me may have changed things.
I didn’t expect him to react so negatively, but it’s clearly a much bigger deal than I thought.
I’m still not sure what came over me in the moment—the need for it just overtook me.
I never thought I’d willingly ask to be bitten by a fucking vampire, but with Aidan buried inside me, something raw and hidden deep within my own blood called for him to do it. It needed it.
Now, away from the lust-filled haze and otherworldly desperation, feeling denied makes me feel even more vulnerable for wanting it in the first place.
I fight tears the entire ride back to the farm after dropping mom off, then I spend the rest of the day diving headfirst into chores. The animals are a good distraction, but the moment I get home, when it’s just me and Thumper, that aching hole inside me yawns open again.
I don’t understand why I’m feeling like this. I’m a strong woman. I don’t need anyone for anything. Ever since that first night with Aidan, he’s made me question my own independence. I don’t care what my body tells me; I don’t need him.
Instead of sulking around the house, I make sure to feed Thumper and let her have extra time outside, then I hop in my car and head to town.
It’s Friday night. I should be drinking and hanging out with friends.
I text Raegan, but she and Jamie are spending the night in. Things still feel off between me and Simone, so I don’t feel comfortable asking her. That leaves Aidan, and I am not that desperate. He’s the reason I feel this shitty in the first place.
Whatever. I can drink by my-damn-self.
I park right outside of Bones. It’s finally open again after whatever plumbing issues were keeping them closed, and there are a lot of people inside, more than I’ve seen in a while.
Bones is usually the place people migrate to when some sports game is playing or if it’s one of the older local’s birthdays, but lately it’s been quiet.
Tonight, however, there are a ton of younger people crowding the bar and only a couple residents from town I recognize.
Did Maurice put an ad out or something?
I grab a stool at one of the empty high-top tables and take a seat.
I notice some of the decor has changed, and there’s an area in the back that’s completely blocked off with a black tarp.
I want to ask what’s going on, but Maurice isn’t behind the bar.
It’s some young, platinum blonde, twenty-something.
A perky brunette comes over to take my order and check my ID.
I don’t know what got in Maurice’s head and convinced him to hire so many young girls, but I guess it’s working. Business seems to be booming.
I sit alone and drink my double whiskey and coke. Then I order and drink two more. I’m offered a free shot from a group of guys at the bar celebrating the fuck knows what, so I drink that too.
Eventually, I need to pee, but the entire room spins like a tilt-a-whirl when I stand, and I realize I’m shit out of luck when it’s time to go home.
While I’m in the bathroom, I clumsily scroll through my contacts and try to decide who to call. I don’t want to call Raegan after having asked her to hang out earlier, because then I’ll have to admit I got drunk by myself, and that’s embarrassing.
My blurry finger hovers over Aidan’s name as I debate if it’s worth listening to him scold me. Aren’t we past all that, though? Maybe he won’t say anything. Secretly, I wish he would come whisk me away to his place and take care of me.
As my imagination runs away from me, I hear the phone start ringing. Sure enough, Aidan’s number is being dialed. I must have actually pushed the damn button without realizing it.
“Goddamn-fit,” I slur.
I hold my breath as the phone rings and rings. When his voicemail message starts playing, I sigh with relief.
“Thank fuck.”
Just then, another woman enters the bathroom on unsteady feet. “Don’t call your ex, girl,” she tells me in a grave tone. “It’s not worth it.”
Something tells me she knows from experience.
I feel my way out of the bathroom and back down the corridor. I just need to wait it out. After a glass of water and an aspirin, I’ll be sane enough to call Raegan without caring how drunk I got. I’ve almost reached the bar when a hand touches my shoulder.
I jerk back instinctively. “Watch where you’re putting those—,” my shout dies in my throat when I see who it is, “hands.” Aidan is staring down at me with pursed lips and drawn brows, but my eyes are bouncing back and forth from my phone to his face. “How did you get here so fast?”
“What are you talking about?” His tone is clipped, but he’s out of breath. He’s not happy to see me like this, just like I expected.
“I—it didn’t go through. Well, maybe. Did it?”
Aidan frowns. “Jo, I have no idea what you’re talking about, but you look like you’ve been drinking…a lot.”
“I have!” I say proudly, though that’s probably not the reaction he was expecting. I correct my tone. “Sorry. I have.”
Aidan’s hand remains on my shoulder as he waves at the bartender to get her attention. He mouths something to her that looks like ‘coming with me.’
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” I push him against the chest with a good amount of force, and he stumbles a little. “Tonight’s not the night. You can’t have your way with me when I’m this integrated. No, exonerated. Annihilated?”
“How much have you had?” he asks pointedly.
I squint up at his face as he covers his mouth with his hand and strokes his chin. Is he really that concerned about me? But wait…
My brain cycles through thoughts at double the speed. I can’t keep focus on one idea long enough before the next one comes barreling to the front of my mind. But one thing circles back. “You called me Jo.”
His forehead creases. “What?”
“You always call me Joanna. Never Jo.”
He doesn’t have a response. His body, however, is aiming to move me away from the bar without my consent. I hadn’t realized his hand was on my lower back, but now I feel him pushing me away from the crowd.
“I need water!” I protest. “I can’t go home yet. I’m too drunk.”
“That’s why we’re leaving,” he insists in a tense tone.
I don’t know how to act with him like this. I’d almost rather him be outright mad, at least I’d know what to say. But the way he protectively guides me out of the bar has me speechless. Even with my inhibitions clouded by alcohol, I can clearly feel the change in our dynamic.
We make it outside and I take a deep breath of fresh air. Inside, I was sticky and hot, but the crisp night air on my skin feels heavenly.
“Can you just sit down for a second?” he asks gently. “I need to think.”
I do as he says. He looks so fragile, I don’t want to do anything to further disappoint him.
He paces back and forth behind me as I plant my butt on the curb and tuck my knees to my chest.
“Why were you drinking alone?”
I can’t tell him the real reason. I can’t tell anyone, because that would mean admitting how lonely I feel.
So instead, I taunt him. “Am I not allowed?”
Aidan peers down at me. I’m still refusing to give an inch when it comes to confiding in him, and he knows it. He shoves his hands into his pockets and stares into the distance toward the blinking sign of Kiki’s Cafe a block away.
I shift and cross my arms. I can’t stand the awkward silence between us. My clothes suddenly feel too tight. I pull at my collar, trying to get a little more air into my lungs.
He pulls out his phone, and his face pales in the blue tinted light. “You called me?”
My cheeks burn. I shouldn’t have done this—I never should have come here and drank all alone.
Aidan shouldn’t have found me like this.
Now I’ve ruined everything. There’s nothing casual about having to be the designated driver for your drunk paramour.
I probably disgust him; he’s never going to want to touch me again.
In the midst of my silent freak out, he says, “I didn’t hear my phone.”
He sounds hurt. His chin dips to his chest and his shoulders slump guiltily. “I was in the back, working on cleaning the office.”
He…what?
If I squint my eyes hard enough, I can see bits of dust on his pants I hadn’t noticed before. “What were you doing that for?”
Aidan straightens and rubs the back of his neck, then he gestures to the front door of Bones. “I bought the bar.”
I stare at him openly, jaw slack.
Out of nowhere, I let out an obnoxious bark of laughter. I have no idea why it’s so funny, but I’m clenching my stomach and wheezing.
Only, now Aidan looks hurt. He clears his throat. “Let me guess, you see it as another selfish gesture.”
I’ve humiliated him. Now I feel awful. My emotions are giving me whiplash! I try to backtrack. “No, I didn’t mean to laugh. I just—it’s kinda funny at this point, right? You just keep buying things, and I still have no idea how. You’re like an endless slot machine.”
His chin drops and he shakes his head. Then he extends his hand for me to take. “Come. Let me take you home.”