Chapter 21
DENVER
I get into the car, and Archie settles into the driver’s seat.
I kind of like that he always wants to tote me around, though when my head is better, I am going to have to start asserting my independence.
If I let this go any further, Archie’s going to start physically carrying me from place to place, and I don’t think I can take that humiliation.
Being manhandled in his bedroom is one thing. In public, well…
We head toward town, and the closer I get to my apartment, the more I start to squirm. I didn’t think I’d feel this way, but my nerves are starting to settle in. For the first time since meeting Archie, this no longer feels like my home.
The parking lot feels strange and off-putting, and as he pulls into a spot close to my condo, I realize I don’t even want to go inside.
I need to, of course. Archie was meticulous in packing a suitcase for me, but after going through it while he was in his garden, I noticed how much was missing. Since the break-in, my things feel slightly tainted, but part of me needs them because I want to take back what was stolen from me.
Archie puts the car in park and turns toward me, picking up my hand and pressing his lips to my wrist for a long, soothing kiss.
‘If there’s anyone here that wants to hurt you, I will kill them.’ His signs are clipped but smooth, much like when he flicks his knife through my clothes to peel them off my body.
‘Thank you.’ There’s a faint tremble in my fingers as they tip from my chin.
Archie lets out a small breath, then holds up a finger. ‘Wait here. Let me check your place first.’
I settle into the seat as he slips out of the car, stalking to the front door. He uses the key, which startles me because when did he get it? Not that I’m surprised he managed to swipe it from me, and I’m not as bothered as I should be.
I feel very alone when he slips inside, but he doesn’t take very long. A moment later, he’s jogging up to the car and opening my door. I give myself a moment, a deep inhale, and then let it out. I will go in and get my shit and get out.
‘Safe,’ he signs when I look back at him.
I give him a firm nod. I can be brave, I can be strong.
It helps that Archie is next to me, his movements lithe and dangerous, his eyes flicking this way and that like a cat on the hunt.
We move to the front door, his body pressing into mine as I reach for the door and push it open all the way.
Archie steps in first, flicking on the lights, and I blink, taking in the clean living room.
It wasn’t like this last time, but now it’s immaculate. You’d almost never know that someone had torn it apart. My eyes well up, my throat growing tight.
‘You did this?’ I ask, and he turns toward me and gives a small shrug.
‘Percy had someone take care of it.’
My hand shakes as it lifts toward my temple. ‘Why?’
He frowns, turning to cup my cheek. ‘Because we take care of family.’
Family. The sensation of that word rattles around my chest, and I feel something like a sob crawling up my throat.
Pushing into his chest, my arms go around him, and I hold on like if I don’t, he’ll disappear.
His steady heartbeat against my cheek is a balm to the overwhelming feelings welling up inside of me.
When I finally look up, he blinks down at me, his eyes flickering with something I don’t quite understand. Then he pulls away.
‘I’m going to double-check bedrooms. Stay here.’
He steps away from me, and the farther he goes, the more unraveled I feel.
I hate being here, even though it’s been cleaned up, everything put back the way it should be.
But things are off. The couch cushions are torn and draped over with a blanket so I can’t see the damage, and a lamp is missing because it had been shattered on the floor.
Things are put back, but they’re not in the right space, and it’s another reminder that although Archie is here to protect me, I still can’t navigate my own world without some kind of threat to my safety. I feel my entire body start to grow numb. First my hands and then my face.
I recognize the panic attack before it hits, and I press my back to the wall, counting slowly in my head backward from fifty. By the time I reach twenty, the numbness is gone, and I’ve managed to avoid the part where it feels like I’m dying.
There’s a rumble beneath my feet, and I look up to see Archie standing a few feet away from me, his face unreadable. ‘You okay?’
I shrug. ‘I can get my things now?’
He blinks, then gives a sharp nod and steps aside so I can breeze past him, heading right for my bedroom. Nothing feels right though. Unease is itching at my skin, and I want to leave as quickly as possible.
Grabbing a large Pride bag hanging on the bathroom doorknob, I move into the closet and see what I want almost immediately. It doesn’t take long for me to grab what I need, but by the time I’m done, I’m slightly breathless, and my muscles are aching like I’ve done a full arm day at the gym.
I sag against the wall for a second, and I feel Archie step in closer.
‘Ready?’ he asks, tapping my shoulder to get my attention.
I start to nod but stop when the room begins to spin. I feel like I’m going to be sick. That itchy feeling is growing, like ants crawling over my skin. I won’t ever be able to come back here. I’ll have to find another place to live when this is all over.
The thought makes my eyes sting, and I try to hide it, but Archie catches me by the chin and studies my face. ‘You’re not okay.’
I fight back a laugh. ‘No, but we can talk about it when we get home.’
Archie nods, then takes the bag from me and leads the way to the front door. Just before he yanks it open, I see it. A shadow near the front window.
I suck in a breath, but Archie has already seen it because the bag falls to the ground, and he jolts forward, moving so fast he knocks me backward. The movement makes my head spin, and I topple over as he yanks the window open and tears off the screen.
Before I can say or do anything, Archie is out after the figure, and I’m left alone in the apartment, entirely on my own.
Suddenly, there’s a movement to my left, and a scream races up my throat as I see the front door open.
I scramble to my feet, rushing toward it and slamming it shut.
I twist the lock as my heart hammers against my ribs so hard I can feel it in my ears and behind my eyelids.
I reach up and touch my throat, even more tender now from the cry I let out, and I do my best to keep my wits about me, but the reality is Archie is gone, and I’m alone.
And someone opened the front door. Fuck, I can’t keep standing here, useless and helpless.
The kitchen has knives, but I don’t trust myself to be able to use them in a way that wouldn’t end up with me getting hurt.
I have only one option, so I rush down the hall and slip into my bathroom, nearly taking a finger off as I slam the door and lock it. There’s a small window above the shower, so I climb up on the toilet to make sure that’s secured as well.
And when I’m truly alone, I curl up in the corner of the room and wait for Archie to come back.
Fuck, I should have brought my phone up with me, but I left it in the car. A stupid, careless decision.
Tucking my knees into my chest tighter, my entire body trembles, but I make myself stay as quiet as I can be. I can’t hear anything, of course. My CIs are in the bag, uncharged and useless to me right now. I’ve never hated being Deaf until now, but this isn’t really about my lack of hearing.
It’s about the monsters who would take advantage of me because of it.
I hope he fucking finds them. I hope he rips them limb from limb.
I close my eyes, willing myself to breathe through my vicious thoughts, hyperaware of every movement I can feel in the tiles.
I keep one palm pressed to the floor, my eyes on the doorknob as I wait, and I wonder how long I’m going to be in here.
Archie would have left me in that graveyard for hours if I’d let him.
Do I keep hiding now? Do I wait for him? Do I—
The door begins to shake, the vibration sending a wave of panic through me. Shit, shit, am I going to die? This can’t be it. I just found something that makes me feel alive for the first time in so fucking long. I’m not ready to give up. I can’t let go!
The wood cracks, the door hinge bending, and then it swings open, and I see a dark figure filling the space. I let out a scream as they approach, and then suddenly, everything goes still as warm, familiar, safe arms curl around me.
“Archie,” I feel myself say. My fingers clutch onto his shirt, twisting into it roughly as I struggle to breathe.
I feel him soothing me with warm breath on the skin of my neck and the rumble of his hum as his hands run up and down my back. I don’t know how long he holds me there, but he doesn’t pull away until my breathing is even and the violent trembling has become a gentle shake in my hands.
When he finally eases back, he stares down at me, and I can immediately see he’s bleeding from somewhere. There’s coppery red smeared across his cheek, but I can’t see where it’s coming from.
‘I got him with my knife,’ Archie signs, his hands sharp and furious, ‘but he got away.’
I want to care that this fucker managed to escape again, but I can’t. The only thing that matters now is that Archie is here, and the blood on him isn’t his own. I nod, my teeth clattering in my skull. It takes me a moment to calm the shakes down and find the strength in my hands to sign.
‘Let’s go.’
Archie nods and then helps me to my feet, my legs wobbling beneath me as we make our way to the door. He remembers to grab my bag—pointless now, I think—and keeps his arm around me as we head to the car.
I curl up in the seat as he throws everything into the trunk, and then he gets in and turns it on, but he doesn’t drive off right away. His eyes are wandering, restless as they take me in, and then he lifts his hands. ‘You did good.’
I shake my head, firm and quick. ‘I panicked.’
‘You kept yourself safe. You did good.’ He drags a touch down my jaw. ‘My good boy.’
I shiver, though the feeling those signs invoke isn’t the same as it usually is, but I feel comforted by that because I know he wouldn’t lie to me. Swallowing thickly, I press my fingers to my chin. ‘Thank you.’
He nods, then puts the car in reverse and pulls away from the complex, his gaze telling me he’s on alert as he drives us home.
God, I really thought it was over for me tonight. I never want to go back there again. I want to wipe my life clean of any of these memories, and if that means throwing it on the market for quick sale, that’s what I’ll do.
It’s not the most healthy coping mechanism, but it’s what I need. As soon as I can convey that, I’ll let Archie know. Maybe I can stay with him for a short time while I figure out where I’m going to end up next, but that’s a future Denver problem for a time when someone isn’t out to kill me.