8. Syneca
Syneca
A frightened woman is a lantern in a dark room full of moths. Never dim yourself, but learn the names of everything your light brings to the window.
Three days in the Underworld, and I’d become a ghost in Silas’s manor.
Not dead. Just invisible. Moving through rooms like I wasn’t quite real, like if I stayed quiet enough, still enough, maybe none of this would be happening.
I didn’t want to withdraw. I wanted to forget.
But no matter how the days passed, when I laid in bed at night, the nightmares still came.
Wickett’s looks from across the room, his voice in my ear, his blade in my stomach.
The crack. That was always the worst. Gran had suffered for years, and when I’d finally come to save her, I’d brought her death with me.
My room became a cage I’d built myself. Four walls. A window that looked out over Kiamond’s narrow streets. A bed too soft for someone who was meant to burn a world and instead failed her entire family’s purpose.
I should have been grateful for life. Should have been planning. Should have been doing literally anything other than laying on my bed, staring at wallpaper that seemed far too ornate for such a haunted world.
Silas stayed away. Mostly.
I felt him through the bond. Close enough to know he was in the manor. Far enough that we didn’t have to look at each other. Didn’t have to acknowledge the lies or the truth or whatever complicated thing existed between protecting someone and lying to them.
The only visitor I allowed was Pip.
She’d appear at my door every evening, wings fluttering with nervous energy, carrying stories about her day like they were tiny offerings. I’d let her in because turning her away felt cruel, and cruelty was one thing I couldn’t stomach right now. Especially not with my only friend in the world.
Tonight, she settled on the edge of my bed, legs swinging. “People look at me like I’m some cute little thing. Like I’m innocent and harmless and don’t understand what’s happening around me.”
I turned to face her properly. “Pip—”
“I’m not. I’m small, but I’m not daft. And I’ve been listening. To people in the manor and outside of it. In the markets. At the Gilt & Grave when Dez takes me with him.”
My head jerked toward her. “You’ve been spying?”
“I’ve been paying attention,” she corrected. “There’s a difference. And I have information. About Calder.”
I sat up so fast the room spun. “What?”
“I want to tell you everything I know.” She met my eyes, steady and sure. “But you have to promise you won’t do anything stupid.”
“Pip—”
“Promise, Syn.”
I swallowed hard, teetering on the edge of lying to her and really meaning it because I couldn’t handle another lie. I took a deep breath. “I promise. What did you hear?”
Her wings stilled completely. “The Underworld is really dangerous. I know you know that, but I need you to know, I know that too. And I need you to know that I’m being careful. Because I couldn’t bear it if something happened to you because I wasn’t careful enough.”
The role reversal made my throat tight. “I’m more worried about you. You’re—”
“Small,” she finished. “I know. But Dezzie would never let anything happen to me. He promised. With actual words, which really means something here.” She squared her tiny shoulders.
“Now listen. The charidryn—people like Calder—they can do something special, something Calder never told me, but maybe you know?”
I sighed. “I’m not sure. He has a heart stone embedded into his chest and I never knew about that. It’s like a jewel. But that’s all I know.”
“Calder was taken by the first demon prince. Evanoch.” She said the name carefully, like she’d practiced it.
“They say he must have accidentally made a bargain with him and broke it. That’s how demons trap people here.
You make a deal, you break it, your soul becomes forfeit.
And if a demon prince owns your soul...” She trailed off, the implication clear.
“He’s here,” I breathed. “Calder’s in the Underworld?”
“He’s in Evanoch’s court,” Pip corrected. “Which is different from being in Kiamond. The courts are...” She gestured vaguely. “Locked. You can’t just walk into them. You have to be pledged to that prince or invited or—I don’t know all the rules. But that’s why we can’t just go get him.”
My hands curled into fists. “There has to be a way.”
“There might be.” Pip’s voice softened. “But it would probably involve making bargains we don’t want to make. And you promised.”
I stared at her. This tiny sprite who’d followed me into the Underworld, who was supposed to be the innocent one, the one I protected. And here she was protecting me and vying to save Calder. He’d be so pissed if he knew, and something in that warmed me.
“How did you learn all this?” I asked.
“I told you. I listen.” She shrugged. “People don’t notice me. They talk like I’m not there. And that’s a very useful trick.”
Despite everything, I felt my mouth almost curve. “Of course it is.”
“So now you know.” Pip met my eyes. “Calder’s here. But he’s trapped. And we can’t get to him without help.”
“Silas—”
“He knows,” she said gently. “I was hoping Si was a prince because he is handsome like a prince should be, but I guess he isn’t. So, I don’t think he can just go charging in there and take Calder back. And Rami is a prince, but he says he can’t either.”
Interesting.
I stood, stretching for the first time in days. Feeling myself break from the shell I’d been withering into. I walked to the window and pulled a heavy drape to the side, looking at the city and wondering how far away Calder was. “Do you know why Ramiel protects Silas?”
She rolled her eyes. “They’re friends. Keep up.”
I turned back to her, watching as she drifted slowly up and back down toward the bed. “Pip. Men covet power beyond loyalty. All of them do. Never forget that. I don’t care how deep their friendship goes. If Ramiel, a prince, is bending to Silas, a nobody, there’s a reason.”
She gasped. “Silas isn’t a nobody, Syneca Black. You take that back right now.”
“That’s not my surname. And I won’t take it back until I know otherwise. I’m telling you, something isn’t right. Maybe Silas made a bargain with Ramiel or something.”
She flew across the room to hover beside me, clasping her hands behind her back as she looked out the floor-length window. “I don’t know. According to Dezzie, Silas has never made a bargain before. Until your Gran. I guess that’s important, but I don’t know why.”
I went still. “Never?”
“That’s what he said.”
My mind raced. Never made a bargain. In the Underworld, where bargains were currency. Where everything operated on exchanges of power and debt and binding words.
“That can’t be true unless...” I trailed off. “We need to figure out which court Silas belongs to.”
“It has to be Ramiel’s,” Pip said immediately. “Right? They’re close, and Ramiel’s protecting us because of Silas, so—”
“I’ve learned my lesson on making assumptions.” I pressed my palm against the cold glass. “We don’t know anything for certain. And until we do, we can’t trust what we think we know.”
Pip was quiet for a moment. Then, softer: “You really don’t trust him anymore?”
“I don’t know what I trust. Just like Wickett, he lied.” I stopped before my voice could break. “It doesn’t matter.”
“You lied too.”
Her words landed like a slap.
I turned from the window. “What?”
“You’ve been hiding who you are from everyone. For your whole life. You’re the Phoenix.” She said it quietly. Not accusing. Just stating facts.
I could hardly breathe beyond the realization that she knew. No one in my life ever knew. Still, I pushed back. “That’s different.”
“Is it?” She drifted closer, those enormous, blue eyes holding mine. “You let Calder believe you were just a water witch. You let everyone think they knew you when they didn’t. Not really.”
“I had to. If anyone found out what I was—”
“You’d be dead,” Pip finished. “I know. But Syn...” She tapped the Life Rune hanging from her neck. The one that marked her as protected. “You have to admit it’s the same. Maybe Silas had reasons too. Reasons that kept him alive. Reasons he couldn’t tell you even if he wanted to.”
The parallel hit harder than it should have.
I sank onto the edge of the bed. “Maybe that’s why I’m so mad.
Because I’m mad at myself too. I’ve been lying to everyone I care about forever.
And eventually I’m going to have to face Calder and tell him the truth, and I think...
” I swallowed hard. “I think I deserve his anger as much as Silas deserves mine.”
Pip settled on the bed beside me. “You really think Calder’s going to be angry?”
“I don’t know. I spent years letting him protect me when I was the dangerous one. Letting him believe I needed him to keep me safe when I was the thing everyone needed protection from. That wasn’t fair to him. And when he realizes I’ve been lying the entire time?”
“He’ll understand,” Pip said quietly. “Because he loves you. And because you were trying to survive.”
“Was I?” The question came out bitter. “Or was I just too much of a coward to trust the people who gave a shit?”
“Both, probably.” She said it so matter-of-factly that I almost laughed.
I looked at her. This tiny sprite who saw too much and said it too plainly.
“Maybe Silas couldn’t tell you,” she continued.
“Maybe you both had reasons. Which means you’re both liars.
And you both deserve to be angry. But also...
” She paused, choosing her words carefully.
“Maybe sometimes lying to the people you care about is the only way to keep them alive. And sometimes that’s not betrayal.
Sometimes it’s just love wearing the wrong face. ”
My throat tightened. “When did you get so wise?”
“I always have been. You just weren’t listening.” But she smiled when she said it, taking the sting out.
I looked out at the city, wondering how far away Calder was. “So what do we do? About Calder?”