15. Syneca #3
“You told me to pull from my center. That’s not an explanation. That’s a location.”
His voice lowered. “Try Ignatio.”
I tried the new word. Felt nothing shift. “It’s not working.”
“Because you’re still pulling wrong.”
I gripped the candle. “Maybe your instructions are wrong.”
“My instructions are fine. You’re not listening.”
“I am listening!” My voice pitched higher. “You’re telling me to do something I don’t understand, and getting angry when I can’t figure it out from terrible directions.”
He crossed his arms. “They’re not terrible. You’re just resistant.”
“I’m not resistant. I’m confused.”
“Same thing.”
“It’s not the same thing!” I threw the candle at him.
“You think you have all the answers. You think if you just keep telling me to do it differently, to try harder, to focus more, that eventually I’ll just magically understand what you mean.
But you’re not actually teaching me anything.
You’re just barking orders and getting frustrated when I can’t do it because my magic isn’t the same as yours. ”
Silas went very still. “Try again. Ardeo.”
Another word. Another spell that meant nothing to me.
I picked up another candle. Spoke the word. “Ardeo.”
Nothing.
“From your center, Syneca. Not your throat. Your center.”
“I swear to every demon, Silas, if you say the word center to me one more time… I don’t know how to pull from somewhere I can’t feel!”
“Then learn.”
I threw my hands up. “How? By magic? If you could just show me.”
“I’ve told you exactly—”
“You’ve told me nothing!” My hands were shaking.
“You haven’t once actually explained what pulling from my center feels like.
You just assume I should know. Assume I’m failing because I’m not trying hard enough instead of it being because you’re a know-it-all asshole.
Stop treating me like—” I stopped myself.
His eyes flashed. This step brought him so close I had to look up to meet his stare. “Like what?”
“Like Wickett did,” I practically snarled.
Silas went still.
I was breathing hard and absolutely teetering on the edge of breaking. “He thought he had all the answers too. Never once did he consider that maybe he was wrong. He took control over and over again, remember? And I gave it to him. I gave him everything. But I’ve learned that lesson.”
The silence stretched too long.
Then Silas spoke, his voice dangerously quiet. “I am nothing like him.”
“Aren’t you?” I gestured at the candle. “Listen to your words, Silas. You want control. You’re taking my choices and making them yours.”
“I turned down more power than you can imagine last night for the privilege of standing in this dirt with you. Control isn't what I'm after. I’m trying to keep you alive.”
“By taking over. By deciding what I need without asking. By pushing and demanding and never once considering that maybe I need something different from what you’re giving. Maybe I need some kindness.” My voice cracked. “I can’t do this your way. I don’t know how. And you won’t listen.”
His stare could have melted every candle in the Underworld. “Because you’re not—”
“I’m not what? Trying hard enough? Being obedient enough? I spent enough time under the Magistrate’s gaze learning to follow orders. And with his son I learned to trust someone else’s judgment over my own. And look where that got me.”
His jaw clenched. “You have to let go of the past. If you would just focus.”
“Just...” I forced the words out. “If you would just fucking say please, I’d do as you said.”
His eyes darkened. Something dangerous moved behind them.
“Done.”
“Wait—what?”
He leaned forward, and I hated how my pulse kicked. How my body registered every detail it shouldn’t. The way he moved. The way his shirt pulled across his chest when he reached for the candle.
He took it from my hands with deliberate care, fingers brushing mine for just a second as he practically purred. “I accept your bargain, Syneca. We’ve been down in the dirt long enough. Go bathe.”
“No. I didn’t mean—”
“Please.” The word was soft and yet still commanding. I was immediately wrapped in magic I felt sink into my bones like hooks.
My feet moved. Without permission. Without choice. Toward the door. Toward the baths.
“No!” I tried to resist but couldn’t. My body obeyed despite every instinct screaming to stop. “You bastard! I didn’t mean it as a bargain!”
He lifted one brow. “Then you should have been more careful with your words. That’s three times now you’ve learned this lesson, Syneca. Will there need to be a fourth?”
I was at the door. The compulsion wouldn’t let me stop. Wouldn’t let me turn around. Just kept pulling me forward. There wasn’t pain when I refused because I had no control over it. As if my body knew better than my stubbornness.
“Silas!” Pip’s voice pitched high with alarm. “That’s not fair!”
He didn’t look away from me. “Life in the Underworld rarely is.”
The door opened. I walked through it.
And hated him more than I’d ever hated anyone.
Almost as much as I hated myself for being stupid enough to make another damn bargain.