THE COST OF SAFETY #3
My breath stutters, and an ache fills my chest. I’d already reached that same conclusion, but I was going to tell the girls in a different way. Ease them into it, so they wouldn’t panic. How could Gabriel make this life-altering proclamation so casually?
“What?” Marie bursts into sobs, her shoulders shaking. I cling to her, glaring at the Hunter over her head, but Violet pulls out of my grasp.
“Is that true?” Violet stares at me. “Birdie, are we on the run, too?”
My heart lurches. How do I explain to them that their lives as they knew them ended the moment the king chose them to be his so-called honored guests?
“Violet—”
“Tell me.” Her voice is hard. “Don’t sugarcoat it or baby us. We’re fifteen, we can handle it.”
Can they? I thought I could handle a lot, too, right up until the moment I watched my best friend’s throat get slit. But Violet is the strong twin, the more outspoken one. She’s always been a rock for them both.
“I’m not babying you, Vi,” I whisper. “I just hate that this is happening to you.”
Over the past day, the twins have been exposed to things they never should’ve seen. Their innocence was stripped away the moment Kadyn took the king’s fatal blow and bled out before them.
“Tell me,” she repeats. “Are we on the run?”
Those bands tighten around my chest. Constricting. Stealing air I don’t have, reminding me of all the ways I failed my sisters.
I trusted that feeling deep inside myself telling me the twins were in danger, that the king had nefarious intentions in bringing them to the ball, and now I’ve gotten them into this situation.
This is all my fault.
My fingers tingle, and feverish warmth fills me. Violet isn’t wrong. I endangered them both. I did this to them.
“I’m so sorry.” My broken confession rings through the night. It’s not enough, but the words are all I can manage right now.
Marie pulls away from me, throwing herself against Violet. The twins look at me accusingly, and gods, I deserve their hatred. I deserve the way they’re glaring at me, as if I did this on purpose.
Maybe I deserve to be alone.
“I can’t . . . There aren’t enough words to explain how sorry I am, but Gabriel is . . . right.” The last word barely makes it out of my lips. Those bands are squeezing so hard, they’re going to slice me in half. “You can’t go home. It’s too dangerous.”
Violet cradles Marie against her chest. They’re mirror images of each other; these sisters I’d do anything for. And together, they take another step away from me.
Barely two feet of space exist between us, but it feels like a whole kingdom.
“This is your fault, Birdie,” Violet accuses. Her eyes shine brightly, twin flames of anger and betrayal.
I don’t deny her claim because she’s right. If I had stayed for my Giving Ceremony, if I’d let the priestesses kill me, none of this would’ve happened.
All of me hurts. My heart. My soul. My Mark, which is ablaze.
I reach for the girls, desperate to hold them one last time. One more hug, and then I’ll say goodbye. But a flash of blue catches my eye, and my gaze drops to my hands. A tremor runs through me, and a low moan echoes through the night. Sky-colored sparks line my fingers, spraying everywhere.
Violet follows my line of sight, and when she sees the death at my fingertips, she pulls Marie with her, moving towards Maia.
As if this stranger is safer than me. As if I might hurt them.
Tiny flames lick my fingers, and a shuddering sob rips through me. I hold my enflamed fists against my chest, but the fire remains. It’s warm against me, and it doesn’t destroy the fabric of my dress, but that doesn’t negate the fact that there are flames coming from me.
They are dangerous.
Just like me.
I can’t control the fire—can’t make it go away. Fuck. I don’t even know how I summoned it.
Lifetimes seem to pass as I drink in the sight of my sisters through a shimmering silver veil one last time, praying they can see my regret, my pain, and my fervent wish that this had never happened.
Then, I shift my gaze to Maia. “You promise to shield them from the king?”
Her eyes shift to my flaming hands, full of questions that I can’t answer, then back up. “I give you my word.”
Tears burn behind my eyes, but I don’t let them fall. I need to stay strong a little longer.
“Okay,” I whisper. “Thank you for doing this.”
Maia nods, and I turn my attention to the twins.
“I love you both so much.” I clutch the fabric of my dress with flaming fingers, forcing myself to keep my distance. “Be good, okay?” They eye me warily before mumbling their agreement. “I’ll see you again.”
Whether it’s in this life or the next.
I don’t add that last part, but I feel it in the essence of my being.
If the twins reply, I don’t hear them. My legs refuse to hold my weight any longer, and I crash to the ground. Cradling my fiery hands to my chest, I rest my head on my knees, and now, I allow my tears to finally overwhelm me.
Everything happens in a blur.
Voices surround me. Murmurs. Gabriel and Maia talk some more.
A wet nose nudges my arm, but I don’t look at Mist. She reminds me too much of Truffle, the cat I left at home, and the thought of the life I abandoned is something I can’t deal with right now.
The Hunter says something to the twins, but I can’t hear his words over the sound of my grief. He speaks to them with a kindness I don’t understand, a softness that is incongruous with the man I know.
And then, they leave.
Maia and my sisters just . . . go. My heart cleaves in two, and they take one half with them.
And the pain . . .
Burning suns save me, but the pain is far worse than anything I’ve ever experienced. It burrows deep down, latching on to the very parts that make me . . . me.
I don’t know if there’s a way for me to ever come back from this.
Rationally, I know Gabriel is right and the twins will be better off with Maia. After all, death has been following me since the day I was born Marked, destined to be sacrificed.
Irrationally, all I can think about is the fact that they’re leaving me.
I’m not sure how much time passes before I hear footsteps coming towards me. My Mark is cool, and the flames are gone, but I still haven’t moved.
“We need to go, Wren.” Gabriel’s voice is soft, and this time, I know I’m not mistaking the compassion in his voice.
I fucking hate this. I hate that Gabriel has seen me break down, that he made them leave, that he’s being nice to me.
It was easier to hate him when he was cruel and telling me how much fun he had hunting me. Easier when it was just me and him. Hunter and prey.
Not . . . whatever we are now.
“I don’t want to,” I confess.
I press my cold fingers against my wrist, tracing my bracelet and the solitary sun hanging there. I try to let Amelia’s artifact ground me and give me strength, but it doesn’t work.
Nothing’s working.
Even though my flames have disappeared, the chasm inside me feels like it will never heal. Not after this.
Maybe I should stay here and wait for the king to find me. Honestly, it probably would’ve been best if I had let him kill me yesterday. At the very least, it would’ve been easier than saying goodbye to my sisters again.
Better than feeling like this again.
There’s a long pause, and then the Hunter murmurs, “I know. But I won’t leave you.”
I should fight Gabriel or ask why he’s doing this. I should kick and scream and tell him to leave me the fuck alone. Can’t he see that I’m hurting? That I’m broken and done and want to be left to die?
But my mouth is dry, I am heartbroken, and words seem so, so far away.
Hands grip my hips, and suddenly, I’m in the air. Gabriel carries me like I weigh nothing, and I don’t fight him. I can’t. The cost of my sisters’ safety is that I’m alone again, and this time . . .
I have nothing left.