35. Will You Forgive Me?
WILL YOU FORGIVE ME?
GAbrIEL
The journey from the seer’s study to our cabin passes in a blur of quick touches, stolen kisses, and heated glances. A stack of books is tucked under my left arm, and the fingers of my right hand are laced through Wren’s.
No one tries to talk to us, and for that, I am grateful. I’m not sure I would have been able to hold a conversation without biting off the head of whoever dared speak with us.
Desire is a raging river coursing through my veins, growing stronger with each passing moment. I lead Wren up the wooden steps. The air pulses as though it has a heartbeat, and each glance we exchange is more heated than the last.
Juggling the books and our key, I unlock the door and step inside first, scanning the space. It doesn’t take long, but those few seconds feel like an eternity before I confirm it’s empty and tug on Wren’s hand, drawing her in.
She follows me inside, and I shut the door behind us, flipping the lock.
The resounding click carries through the space like a clap of thunder, and my pulse booms equally as loud. I release her hand long enough to drop the books on the bedside table.
This is not the time for reading.
I turn around, drawn to Wren. She sucks in a breath, her hands finding the table behind her as I step towards her.
Her Mark flares, washing us in blue, but the look in her eyes isn’t one of fear.
The way she’s looking at me, the flush in her cheeks, and her beautiful, pouty slightly parted lips all speak to her desire.
Blood rushes to my dick as I admire her, and I subtly adjust myself.
Suns save me, I’ve never felt this way about anyone.
This isn’t lust that will be sated after a quick fuck.
Rather, it is pure, unadulterated need. I need her like I need to hunt, to be in the woods, to feel the wind’s kiss on my cheeks and fill my lungs with fresh air.
“Gabe,” she whispers. My name falling from her lovely lips is a siren’s call, and I am a sailor, unable to resist her summons.
I move closer, and our bond thrums. This isn’t the same as my connection with Mist. It’s deeper, entrenched in the depths of my being. My panther is, and always will be, a part of me, but this is different.
This is fate.
Wren is destined to be mine in every way. I am certain of it. But even though I yearn for her, even though every single part of me aches for her, I cannot have her yet.
There’s something I still need to do.
“Wren.” Her name is a benediction filling the space between us, and I move towards her until barely a foot separates us.
I inhale, her jasmine and vanilla scent filling my lungs. It’s enticing—intoxicating, even. I want to bury my nose in her neck and draw in deep breaths until she is all I can smell, but I don’t. I must keep my head on straight, at least for a few more minutes.
Holding Wren’s gaze, as if I could do anything else, I drop to my knees before her. The wooden floor is rough and cold, but even if it were made of burning embers, I wouldn’t care.
She hitches a breath. “What are you doing, Gabriel?”
Wren sounds stunned by the sight of me kneeling in front of her as if she doesn’t know how much power she holds over me. Doesn’t she know a single word from her could change everything for me?
“Patience, Birdie. You’ll find out soon enough.” I extend my hand towards her, palm open in invitation.
She slowly peels her fingers away from the table, placing them in mine. I brush my lips across the back of her hand, her wrist, and then the inside of her palm. I can’t help myself—touching her calms a part of me I didn’t know needed soothing until I met her.
“Wren Lilith Nightingale.” I run my thumb across the back of her hand, relishing in her responding shiver. “Everything I said earlier is true. You are strong and smart and kind beyond belief. You are a fantastic healer, and you are powerful.”
I will forever cherish the memory of watching her wield her magic during the battle. She’d been a force to be reckoned with, even without training. Imagine how formidable she’ll be once she knows how to control her magic?
Wren’s cheeks redden, and she tries to look away, but I squeeze her hand. “No, Birdie. Look at me. I need your eyes on me for this.”
I need her to hear my words and know, without a doubt, they are the absolute truth.
She drags her eyes back to mine, and my chest warms.
“Good girl,” I whisper roughly. “You’re going to listen to me, okay?”
She swallows, then nods.
I have been thinking about this moment for a week. Not just the words I wanted to say, but how I would say them. They’re on the tip of my tongue, but now that the moment has arrived, they feel strangely inadequate. I suspect nothing I could say would ever truly be enough, though.
Still, I must try.
“There are many things in my life I regret, Wren. I got into things when I was a young boy, as most children do. I’ve had interactions with my family I wish could’ve gone differently, conversations I’ve had that, had they been worded differently, might’ve turned out in other, more positive ways.”
I don’t think there’s anything I ever could’ve done to fix things with my father, but I will always wonder if there could have been a way for me to build a relationship with my half brother, Severus.
Maybe, if I’d responded to his taunts with kindness and I hadn’t pushed him as hard as he pushed me, things could’ve turned out differently for us.
Maybe, in another life, he and I could’ve been as close as Wren is to her sisters.
I press a kiss to the back of Wren’s hand, returning my mind to the present. My brother has no place in this moment. “But all those pale in comparison to my biggest regret of all: the fact that I hunted you relentlessly.”
Her fingers twitch in mine. “Gabe—”
“Not yet, Birdie. Let me finish.”
Her lips part, but her head lowers slowly.
“I should’ve listened to you, heard your panic and asked myself why you were so desperate to get away.
I should’ve asked questions, talked to you.
If I’d tried to understand why you were running from your Giving Ceremony, if I hadn’t jumped straight to bringing you in, maybe things would’ve been different. ”
If I’d been paying attention and had slowed down, maybe I would’ve noticed the draw between us immediately. I could’ve saved us from so much heartache if I’d done things differently.
“I can’t go back and change the things I’ve done.” I will Wren to see the earnestness in my eyes. “I can’t fix them no matter how much I wish that were possible.”
Wren exhales loudly, opening her mouth as though to speak, but I’m not done.
“I can’t alter the past, but what I can do—what I promise to do every day between now and the end of time if you’ll let me—is beg for your forgiveness.” I glide my thumb down her hand, knowing this might be the last time I get to touch her like this. I revel in her softness.
“I know I don’t deserve it, and you’d be well within your rights to never pardon me for the things I’ve done, but I want you to.” I clear my throat. “I’m asking you to forgive me, if you can.”
Her pulse quivers beneath my touch, and her breath stutters. “Forgive you for hunting me?” Her voice is a whisper, but it booms in my ears.
I lower my head, contrition tightening my chest. Squeezing until it feels like I will be split in two.
“Yes. And for doing it as long as I did.” For not stopping, not hearing her. “I will make it up to you. Stay by your side from now until I draw my last breath if you’ll have me.”
The longest moment passes, and my mind whirls with all the possibilities of what might happen. Wren might refuse to forgive me, and even though hearing those words would be horrendous, I would understand where she’s coming from.
I hunted my fated mate. Who the fuck does that? Esyn save me, if I were in Wren’s position, I’d probably hate me, too.
“Gabriel.” My name is a mere breath on her lips, and I drag my eyes back to hers. I couldn’t keep them away even if I tried. “Do you really want to stay with me?”
“Of course,” I reply instantly. She hasn’t answered my question about forgiveness, but if she wants to talk about this, I will.
She rolls her bottom lip through her teeth. “You know I’m not safe to be around, right? People die around me, and I don’t think the king will ever give up searching for me.”
Even here, far from Rosebridge, the king’s shadow looms tall. Gods help me, my hatred for him grows with every passing minute.
“Let him look.”
“But—”
I shake my head. “I promise I will not let harm come to you. I will protect you just like I did when Hedran came for you.”
Her breath hitches. “Do you . . .” Her eyes sweep over me, and she draws in a deep breath. “Do regret that? Killing him?”
“Hedran?”
She nods.
“Not for a fucking second.” I squeeze her fingers.
“I don’t care if we’re on the run for the rest of our lives”—and honestly, that’s a distinct possibility; a Hunter with a broken oath and an escaped Given with a glowing Mark on her forehead aren’t inconspicuous—“if you forgive me, I will be able to endure whatever comes our way.”
I would know true happiness.
For years, I believed my happiness hinged on becoming a Master Hunter. After all, my profession got me out from under my father’s thumb and provided me with an escape. It brought me Mist, and for that, I will be forever grateful.
But the truth of the matter, the one that has become crystal clear to me since the battle, was that I’d never experienced true joy before meeting Wren.
I’d been taking life one day at a time, just trying to survive.
Even when I’d been with Theon and Maia, I hadn’t really been living.
I’d been passing time, letting my work consume me.
Hunting used to be the first thought on my mind after I woke and the last before I fell asleep. Now, all my thoughts revolve around Wren. It doesn’t matter where we are or what we’re doing, because she is my focus.
For the first time in my life, when I smile, I can feel it in the depths of my heart. Wren has taught me there’s more to life than hunting and escaping my father. She has taught me what it feels like to truly live.
Wren is the other half of my soul, a piece I never knew was missing.
Lifting her hand, I press a kiss to her soft skin. “What do you say, Birdie? Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?”
Time slows to a crawl as my eyes sweep over hers, memorizing the way she looks right now.
I will not push her, desperate though I may be.
If she wants to leave me on my knees all night, I will not move a muscle.
If she asks me to prostrate myself on the ground in front of her and beg for hours, I will do exactly that.
It seems I will do anything for this beautiful gods-blessed.
Her pulse flutters beneath my touch, reminding me of delicate wings. “You were hunting me, Gabriel,” she whispers.
My heart twists. “I know.”
Her head tilts, and she studies me. “But you also saved me.”
“I did.” My voice is little more than a breath.
“You helped me and gave me money to leave.” All true, but they don’t negate my initial actions. Still, my head dips.
Her fingers tremble, and then she’s tugging me to my feet. I rise, my eyes never leaving hers.
Wren lets out a breathy laugh and shakes her head. “It’s hard to believe I’m saying this, but of course I forgive you.”