24. Beck
BECK
TORS – WON’T REMEMBER
“Say your goodbyes,” I told her. “You won’t be seeing each other again for a while.”
If ever, I added silently.
It was a dangerous world out there for those who play our game.
Taylor was admittedly a good shot, but not as good as Sinclair. And he’d be leaving immediately on an Eagle assignment. They were put to work quickly, no further training necessary.
Sinclair on the other hand…
Sinclair—Addie—was about to go through hell and back for the sake of her career. There were no guarantees she’d make it past her first mission, and in fact, about fifty percent of Swallows didn’t.
“Wait—Beckett, Sir,” Taylor said, interrupting my internal downward spiral. “Is there a phone in there?” He gestured towards the envelope still clutched tightly in my fist. “Is she allowed access to a phone… after?” He winced at that last part, knowing exactly what she was about to endure.
We all did.
And it was boorish—a savage shredding of a woman’s future—but in this line of work, many of us never had a future to worry about in the first place.
“There is,” I rumbled. “But she isn’t allowed access until deemed mission-ready. And even then, everything is monitored.” I ended the warning with a raised brow, and Taylor nodded his understanding.
Blackwing was watching. And he was under surveillance, too.
He raised his chin, shifting his whole posture. “Noted. But I’d still like to work out a way to contact her on the outside.”
“Your best bet is an encrypted email,” Van interjected, a little sheepishly.
He rubbed the back of his neck as his face flushed—the way it always did when he knew he was the smartest person in the room and needed to make everyone else aware of it, too.
“I’ll set it up for both of you and be in touch within the week. ”
Taylor’s gaze cut to Addie, notably silent during this whole exchange.
She wasn’t even paying attention—staring off into the distance, barely even blinking. It was like she was there, but also wasn’t. It was eerie and I didn’t like it. Not one bit. And despite her icy nickname, I rather missed her fire.
I snapped my fingers in front of her nose twice, and she reared back. Surprise immediately slid into disdain, and I couldn’t blame her. I’d hate those who steered me into impossible choices, too.
In fact, I did hate them.
But as much as we all detested it, the boys and I were Adelaide’s handlers until Varco decreed otherwise, or unless she failed a mission.
And now we had to somehow continue on, appearing unfazed at the knowledge that we were the reason this lethal little Ice Queen had to endure the sterilisation process and all the honey-trap missions that followed—as a godsdamned fucking virgin.
Bile rose in my throat, so thick and acidic it burned to choke back down.
It wasn’t right. It was far from just or fair. But life rarely was—and the Academy never would be. But maybe I could do something about this particular cruelty.
“I’ll be seeing you soon, Ads,” Taylor murmured, leaning in to peck her cheek.
My teeth creaked at the exchange, as her hand palmed his cheek and her thumb swept across it.
“Fly high, Eagle boy,” she said through a watery grin.
“Give ‘em hell, babydoll.” He winked then swiftly departed with nary a glance back.
I’d have looked back.
What the fuck am I thinking? She’s about to be glued to my side indefinitely. We’ll be living together, training together, sleeping together—and not in the way the guys would prefer.
If I was being honest with myself, the way I’d prefer as well.
But I wasn’t an honest man, least of all with myself.