Chapter Eleven #2
I tilted my head up, attempting to hold my ground.
Cash didn’t own me. I didn’t have to answer him.
I wasn’t literally being forced to obey, and that thought was intoxicating.
I could say no. I hadn’t been able to for the past seven years, and I hadn’t realized how much I missed it—how much I needed my free will.
“If this is your idea of training, you can leave.” I barely recognized myself.
On one hand, I was proud, happy that for once I was standing up for myself and learning to speak up.
I knew it’d be short lived, that I probably was only feeling this way because I didn’t have Dahes inside my head.
Or maybe it was just that no one was as intimidating as him, that everyone else wasn’t nearly as scary.
My life was already chained to the worst thing that walked Hilithia. It literally couldn’t get any worse.
But on the other hand, I was embarrassed. I was risking losing my only opportunity to train and learn my Token, for what? Pride? Because I couldn’t get myself to open my mouth and tell a stranger what happened that night? It was stupid. I needed to suck it up, but I couldn’t get myself to talk.
“Fine,” he said slowly, rolling his neck. “We’ll do it a different way.”
I realized a second too late what his intentions were. My Token manifested as soon as he tried to grab my arm, his hand falling through me as he grabbed onto nothing but air. One moment, he was across the room, and the next, I barely had time to blink before he was on top of me.
“That’s what I figured.” He cocked a grin.
I stepped out of the way, my transparency still lingering as I half walked through him.
“What—what was that?” I panted breathlessly, my heart pounding against my ribs.
“My second Token is teleportation,” he smirked, an air of cockiness to his grin. “Now, I’ll ask you again. Why did your Token manifest?”
I didn’t answer, just kept staring at him, as my breathing became increasingly more labored.
He was right in front of me now. All he had to do was reach out and he’d be able to touch me.
He wouldn’t even need his Token, but my own stopped working the second I backed away.
I was tangible again. I tried to focus, tried to keep myself in my transparent state, but I couldn’t.
He went for me again, and only then did it flick back on. I moved, regardless that he couldn’t grab me.
“Did someone try to touch you?” he taunted. “Is that what sparked it? Someone got too close and you didn’t like it?”
Flashbacks of the night my Token manifested were creeping to the surface of my mind. I tried so hard to push it down, to forget…
“GET OUT!” I hated that my voice was shaking, that my one second of bravado was fleeting. He could see right through me, knew exactly what fueled my nightmares…
“I can’t do that.” He came toward me again. And again. And again. Each time I moved out of the way, and thanked the Suns my Token wasn’t fading. “My king ordered me to train you, so like it or not, I need to make sure you have enough control over it. You won’t be the reason I disappoint him.”
I started hyperventilating. I kept mistaking his blonde features for Dahes’ white ones every time he came at me.
And even though all he tried to do was grab onto my arm, my brain was registering the threat the same as before.
I kept imagining the bed Dahes threw me on, kept hearing the rip in my dress as Dahes tore it…
“You need to get over your fear,” he said, finally stopping.
I had no idea how long we played cat and mouse, how long he kept lunging at me.
My breathing turned ragged, my vision blurred, and I felt like I was going to faint.
I wasn’t sure if it was from using my Token for too long, from what Cash was trying to do, or if it was the altitude like the drakin had told me about.
You’ll probably be sick for a couple of days before you adjust. It gets worse before it gets better.
“The key with necessity Tokens is to eliminate the need,” Cash continued, drawing my mind back.
I could feel my Token going in and out—I was color then not, tangible then not.
“Even though that’s what started it all, it’s irrelevant now.
You have your Token for life, so turn it into a desire.
If it stays a necessity, it will only activate when your body feels a similar threat that started it all.
But if you turn it into a want, you’ll be able to call upon it whenever you want. ”
His words hit me like a brick as I staggered back. It made sense. Our Tokens originally manifested either by want or need, but I didn’t realize I could change it, didn’t realize that the key to controlling my power was to control my own mind.
I scoffed. My mind wasn’t even my own anymore. I had no control of it, not while I was still Dahes’ slave. Not while I was forced to go on hunts and do things that would haunt me long after my body stopped moving.
“Work on it,” he said. “I want you practicing every night. Figure out what your fear is and overcome it. If you don’t, your transparency will only come out during similar situations.”
Cash left, leaving me standing in the middle of the room, unable to breathe as my transparency flickered on and off like a flame moving through the wind.
Could I control it? Could I control my mind? Could I force myself to overcome what happened that night? What Dahes tried to do…
I fell onto the marbled floor, the room kept spinning as glimpses of that night crashed into me. My breaths came quick and shallow, my lungs wouldn’t work long enough to inhale. Knots formed in my stomach as waves of nausea started clawing up my throat now that Cash was gone.
I rolled over before throwing up whatever Dahes had me eat for dinner before I left.
Then I blacked out.