Chapter 21 #2
I couldn’t eat the rest of breakfast. I had to excuse myself before the meal was even done. I knew it was stupid, that I shouldn’t run off when I had to go to the Dome, but I needed to breathe.
I was his whore.
I sprinted toward the closest secluded place I could find, which happened to be a closet two halls down. I came across it during my first day exploring the castle and knew it wasn’t frequently used.
My back slid down the door as I collapsed onto the ground.
I let the darkness of the room consume me—I didn’t want to see. Didn’t want to think.
My breathing was ragged as I kept wheezing, my lungs constricting to the point of pain.
Everyone thought I was his whore, and he never set the rumors straight.
Was that what he thought of me? I knew he wanted it. I wasn’t stupid. It was what he tried to do to me that night, and every day after I’d felt his gaze on me.
But I swore to myself I wouldn’t let him take that last part of me.
He could own my soul, but I would never be his whore.
Breathe. One. Two. Three. Four. Exhale.
I wasn’t sure how long I sat there, hyperventilating in the dark before my breathing somewhat recovered.
Magnolia, snap out of it. Be numb. Don’t think about it. You are NOT his whore. It doesn’t matter if the rumors are about you, YOU ARE NOT HIS WHORE.
I forced myself to stand.
Breathe. One. Two. Three—
“Miss me, little ghost?”
My knees buckled the moment I felt him, and I fell to the floor all over again. My mind immediately felt heavy, like my own thoughts were being pushed to the side to make room for him.
I grabbed onto my temples, trying to stop the throbbing. It had been so long since I’d felt him inside my head that I forgot how painful it was the first time he did it.
A dark chuckle filled my mind. “I see you discovered your reputation.”
I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. My mind was flayed open.
I knew Dahes could only read my current thoughts, but I couldn’t shut it out.
Everything that had happened was racing through my mind, pushing forward in random fragments for him to see—the altitude poisoning, sitting on the roof and watching the girl burn, asking Cash what Hael picked for winning the tournament, thoughts of wishing I didn’t have to go back—
“You will always belong to me, Magnolia. No amount of distance will set you free. You are mine.”
I nodded, still unable to get words out, but he knew the moment I agreed.
There was a beat of silence. “Have you found anything out yet?”
No, I forced myself to think. I—I need more time.
Pressure pressed against my temples again.
Breathe. One. Two. Three. Four. Exhale.
I forced my mind to be blank, tried to not think about everything that happened since I’d been here.
Dahes tsked, and I knew he was disappointed.
“You are running out of time,” he drawled, his voice icy cold. “You won’t like what happens if you fail.”
Silence filled my head as I forced myself not to cry. Don’t think. Don’t let his words sink in.
“But I’ll give you some incentive,” he crooned, and I swore I could picture his smile even from across Viven. “Get me what I want, give me the information I need to get Hael to agree to a deal, and I’ll let you see Masin again.”
I stopped breathing. Dahes hadn’t mentioned him in the seven years I’d been his slave. I didn’t even get to see Masin come out of the river before Dahes snatched me up and brought me into his castle. All I had was his word that he brought him back…
But now he was giving me an opportunity to see him...
“I will check back in a few days,” he cut off my thoughts, “and I expect progress.”
I didn’t get the chance to respond before his presence left my mind. I barely registered the feel of his weight gone, that my brain unfurled instead of shriveled. Because at this point, nothing else mattered. Dahes just agreed to let me see Masin again.
I didn’t delude myself into thinking it’d be more than a passing glimpse of him, but even just to see his face again would mean the world to me. Just to know he was safe, to see him with my own eyes, to know that everything I had suffered through over these past seven years had been worth it…
I forced myself to calm my heart, to breathe steadily as I let everything settle into me.
I would finish this hunt. Nothing would stop me from seeing Masin again.
But first, I had to face my fear of Dahes, of what happened that night… I needed to be able to control my Token—because I refused to let him make me his whore.
I wasn’t sure if it was the finality of knowing that I wasn’t safe here, that maybe a small part of me kept praying for the outcome where Dahes couldn’t reach me, but my reality came crashing back to me like a tidal wave.
It took me five cycles of breathing before I could stand, then another two before I got the courage to open the door.
But the moment I did, I froze. Arrik was waiting for me outside the closet, leaning against the far wall with his hands in his pockets.
The perfect picture of cool indifference.
Shit.
His eyes tracked my movements. I thanked the Suns I wasn’t crying. It was a small mercy because I was one hundred percent certain he heard my ragged breathing, but at least my eyes weren’t swollen.
“Still want to stay?” he asked, his voice low, but when I looked up at his face, his gaze was soft.
I wanted to punch him. It felt like a mockery of everything I actually wanted and nothing I could have.
I hated that he kept reminding me that I wouldn’t be free.
Even though his words didn’t hold the same intention, every time he told me to go to Fourth Province, it felt like a tiny stab to my heart, like the dagger was digging deeper each time I couldn’t, each time I was reminded that I would never be free.
Instead, I forced myself to smile. “Yes,” I ground out, trying my best to get my voice to sound sweet instead of strained.
Because I wasn’t leaving. I couldn’t.