23. Brothel #2
My hand was sticky…
Laughter jostled me as Cash moved next to me. He dragged a girl onto his lap. I saw a flash of dark skin before I snapped my gaze back to myself.
“Watch,” Cash ordered. I looked up at him.
“Why are you doing this?” My voice was weak. The girl had golden blonde hair, but my mind kept distorting it into Dahes’ white strands instead.
Laxin took a sip from his drink as he eyed our encounter, not saying anything.
“Because you need to get over your fear,” Cash said, his hand gliding down the girl’s bare back. “You need to realize that physical touch can be fucking fun. That it’s enjoyable.”
I shook my head, my own gaze snapping back to my drink.
Laxin leaned forward, and my stupid Token wasn’t coming forward, no matter how much I willed it. He cupped my chin, his breath hitting my face, and the reek of alcohol was overpowering the sweat from the girl next to me on Cash’s lap.
“Take a sip from your drink and watch, or I’ll make you go on his lap instead.”
I did, the fear of his threat gripping me in a chokehold. The drink was bitter, but I forced it down, then took a staggered breath before I forced myself to look at Cash.
Breathe. One. Two. Three. Four. Exhale.
The girl was completely naked, save for a large necklace that kept bouncing off her chest. She was grinding her hips against Cash’s crotch, her head tilted back as she stared at the ceiling.
Then she was gone, and it was Dahes I was seeing instead of her. He was on top of me, ripping the slip off my body…
I dropped my drink, the glass shattering to the ground, before I felt my Token flickering on and off.
Breathe. One. Two—
I couldn’t breathe. My normal cycle of breaths weren’t working because air couldn’t get into my lungs. I started wheezing, my chest constricting to the point of pain.
“Fucking hell, it’s just sex, Nollie,” Cash cursed.
But it wasn’t. In my mind, I couldn’t stop seeing him. My head throbbed and I swore I felt his nails scrape down my scalp even though I knew it was all in my head. He wasn’t here.
I was clenching my temples, my eyes long past shut, as I started rocking.
Get out. Get out of my head.
Someone grabbed me and I screamed. I was being dragged to my feet and pulled through the room, but I couldn’t get myself to open my eyes.
It was six years ago. My feet were numb from walking his castle without any shoes. My stomach was growling—I barely got fed back then—and it was the first time Dahes made me take a life.
I couldn’t stop shaking. I was covered in her blood.
I kept feeling her body go limp before he made me throw her into the river.
I kept seeing her vacant eyes…
I kept frantically wiping my hands against my dress as tears spilled down my cheeks. “Get it off! Get it off!”
“Get what off?” It was a different voice.
Then hands cupped my cheeks.
“Get what off, Nollie?” The voice was softer now.
“The blood…” I sobbed. It was all over me.
I killed her and it was all over me. Dahes dragged me through the castle.
I remember it taking so long to get back to my room.
The river came through at the lowest point, just one level below the pit he used for his monsters…
I thought when I got back to my room it would be over.
I thought I could wash all the blood off and sleep into oblivion. But Dahes didn’t leave.
“You did good tonight,” he whispered into my ear as he closed the door, locking us in.
Good—I did good because he made me kill someone.
He stepped toward me, his eyes raking down every inch of my body.
I still remember the expression on his face, still remember the exact moment it changed.
He came at me so fast, his breath hitched before he was pushing my back against my bed and pulling my slip up over my waist. The material ripping as he dragged it up…
“It’s just alcohol. There’s no blood on you—”
I couldn’t register his words over my own sobs. My ears were ringing, muffling out everything but my thoughts. My head was shaking. “No. No. No.” The blood was staining the bed, smearing between us as Dahes unbuttoned his pants.
“Nollie, look at me.”
Nollie—not Magnolia. Not Mag. Not little ghost.
My eyes flicked open, expecting to find cold, dead ones, not the pale brown gaze staring at me now. I kept blinking, not sure what was real.
“There’s no blood on you. I promise,” the voice, Arrik—Hael—added gently.
I kept staring at him in shock. We were standing outside the brothel now. The damp smell of sex was lessening, but it still felt just as suffocating.
His hands cupped my cheeks, covering half my ears, muffling the sounds around me. My own hands were sticky. Taking a staggered breath, I glanced down, but they were clear, not a speck of red covering them.
I forced myself to take in my surroundings next. A few people were standing outside watching our interaction, some were peeking through the windows, some huddled around the stands outside selling merchandise.
I tore my gaze away before I could see if Laxin or Cash were among them.
Hael turned his head toward a male to my left. He was shorter than him, but still stood on the taller side, with bright blue eyes and black hair.
“Thank you for getting her out,” he said and the male nodded. “Make sure they don’t follow us.”
I didn’t see what the male did next, but I heard footsteps fading. My attention was turned on Hael again. His gaze was narrowed on me, assessing me, but it felt so different from the way Dahes did it. His thumb moved over my temple as his jaw ticked. He was still cupping my face.
“Are you okay?”
I nodded. The memories of how my Token manifested were slowly fading with each long inhale I forced myself to take, but with it, mortification was lingering.
“You’re safe,” Hael said as he studied my face. “I’m going to get you out of here.”
I didn’t have time to think about what he meant by that before a rattle filled my ears and my vision slowly blinked out.