Chapter 34
Chapter Thirty-Four
Control
MAGNOLIA
Aweek had passed, and I hated how comfortable I was. How happy. I knew it wouldn’t last. I was in a bubble, slowly expanding, threatening to combust at any minute.
After Hael told me I was his weakness, I swore Dahes was going to rip into my mind and drag me back. I was terrified, anxiously building up my walls, trying to block my thoughts.
But he didn’t come, not yet anyway, and I thanked the two Suns every morning I woke up and got to stay here like it was a direct blessing from Cupio and Nessium.
The cabin was a fake construct of peace. It didn’t really exist. But for the small amount of time I had here, I was happy to pretend.
Hael came back to the cabin every night, and I found myself waiting for the suns to set so I could see him. The moment he left, a piece of me felt empty. I hated it, hated myself for opening up again when I knew it was only going to backfire, but I couldn’t stop it.
I kept telling myself it was only because I was getting to know him better for my hunt, but it was a lie. I had no idea what I was going to tell Dahes because I realized after the third night, I didn’t want to hurt him.
I jumped at the sound of the door opening, uncharacteristically giddy, but I froze the moment I saw him.
My own face drained of blood as I realized he was drenched in it.
“Did Elion hurt you again?”
He didn’t say anything. Just unstrapped his sword, then methodically went to work as he discarded every weapon he wore. He removed a dagger last, but instead of throwing it on top of his other weapons, he placed it on the table.
“Hael.” His eyes finally snapped to mine. “Are you hurt?”
He shook his head.
Relief fluttered through me, but I ignored it. Clearly he was, even if it wasn’t physical, but if it wasn’t his blood on him, whose was it?
“What happened?”
“Drakin duties.” It was all he said.
He walked past me without another word and went into the kitchen. I watched his back as he silently grabbed a bottle of mead from the cabinet, but he didn’t take a glass. Instead, he walked back outside with the entire bottle.
I should give him space. He clearly wants to be alone right now, but he left the door wide open.
Breathe. One. Two. Three. Four. Exhale.
I took a step toward the door. His tall silhouette disappeared into the ocean before I decided against all rational thought and followed him out.
His clothes were discarded across the sand, and I didn’t let myself second guess my actions as I slowly undressed and walked into the oncoming current.
It was calm tonight. The waves slowly lapping at my stomach as I met him out in the water. His back was to me and I could see the scars across his skin—some old, but a lot of them were new.
The fresh scars, the ones still open and scabbed over, were because of me. In the few weeks I’d been in Viven, I was the cause of his pain, and the guilt carved into me like I was the one who held the spiked whip, flaying his skin open.
I was terrified that whenever Dahes came to collect me, the scars across Hael’s back would seem like nothing in comparison to whatever he had planned.
“I killed them.”
His words drew my attention away from his marred skin. He was still looking out across the horizon, the two suns almost fully set now, and I could just glimpse the gray Ferro moon start to peek through the clouds, knowing the other five would slowly start to rise.
“What?” I breathed, not sure if I heard him right.
He took a long swig from the bottle before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
I took another step forward, standing beside him, the waves now cresting over my breasts.
If Hael noticed I was naked, he didn’t react, just kept staring out across the water.
“I killed them all.”
“Who did you kill, Hael?”
He turned to look at me then, and my heart stopped.
Those eyes—it was the most beautiful color I’d ever seen.
The pale brown was mixed with specks of gold, reflecting off what was left of the suns’ rays.
The color matching perfectly to the necklace he seemed to never take off.
It was the first time I truly got to glimpse it and it looked more gaudy than I originally thought.
A circular pendant dangled from the chain with a single ‘H’ engraved onto the gold.
There was a nagging part in the back of my mind telling me to ask him about it, to see if it had meaning.
Maybe someone important gave it to him. Maybe it was the key to my hunt because there was no way I could tell Dahes it was me, but I pushed the thought away as soon as it came, my gaze drifting back to his eyes.
“Twelve riders had the Nullus bond.” He didn’t say anything else, but he didn’t need to. I knew exactly what he meant—Elion made him kill them.
“It’s not your fault.”
He shrugged before taking another long sip from the bottle, not flinching as the bitter liquid went down.
I watched his throat bob, my eyes trailing over his lips before lingering on the thick scar down his neck.
It didn’t stop until it reached his chest, the mangled skin trailed down in a vertical line past his collarbone, nearly touching the end of his ribs.
He held the bottle out to me. I stared at it for a moment, questioning if I should do this. But I knew I was fucked whenever Dahes decided to drag me back to Moriann, what difference did it make if I was drunk while it happened?
I took the bottle, taking a long sip, before nearly gagging as it slid down my throat and burned my stomach.
“It’s disgusting,” I whined, instantly passing the bottle back to him.
He smiled—barely—just a soft upward tilt of his lips, but it was better than nothing. His fingers lingered over mine as he grabbed it from me. I watched the muscles in his arm flex before dragging the bottle back up to his lips, taking a long pull, not flinching in the slightest.
“I’m sorry about the riders,” I said after a moment.
“Me too.” He took another swig of the mead. “I never wanted to be the Drakin Leader,” he admitted as he let out a bitter laugh, then drank more from the bottle. “I didn’t make my first kill until after I won the Vargothi.”
That shocked me, but I tried not to show it. I watched so much death during the tournament that I had no idea how he managed to not only survive, but win without killing anyone.
He must have sensed the question I wasn’t asking.
“I wasn’t a saint. It’s impossible to be in the army without shedding blood.
We’re bred for it. Even children have a blade thrust into their hand the moment they can hold one.
But I had never killed anyone before. I swore to the Moons I wouldn’t.
It was the one thing I lived by, the one thing Elion couldn’t force me to do.
But despite trying to throw the tournament, I won, and he named me their leader after it.
” He took another long sip before passing me the bottle.
“Now, I don’t have a fucking choice. I’ve killed so many people that I swear one day it’s going to kill me. ”
I hadn’t realized a single tear slipped down my cheek until his fingers grazed my skin, wiping it away. I cleared my throat, trying to recover, and took a longer sip from the mead, this time managing to not gag after it.
Everything he said—it felt so raw, so uncomfortably familiar. It was like he was holding a mirror up, forcing me to see myself, and I couldn’t look away.
“I hate him,” Hael said into the silence.
I turned to look at him but his gaze was toward the horizon again. “I hate Dahes,” I admitted.
He turned to look at me then, his gaze solely focused on my face, searching my eyes, and not once drifting down my bare body. “Did you know him?”
“I don’t think anyone in Moriann truly knows him,” I settled on, not sure how to answer.
“But I think he and Elion are similar. The only difference is Elion hides his cruelty behind rules and luxury. I used to dream about escaping here, always imagining Viven as the better kingdom, but now I’m not so sure. ”
“There is no better kingdom,” he said. “Not anymore.” He was silent for a moment. “I’ve flown over the entire ocean.” His gaze shifted back to the horizon. “Aura and I, we flew over every inch of water hoping to find more land.”
“Did you?” I asked, barely able to breathe. I was getting used to Aura—his dragon. She flew him in every night. Most times she’d lay out in the sand for a couple of hours, basking in the last remaining dregs of warmth, but she never stayed. She always flew off.
He shook his head. “Nothing. We saw the sinking islands south of Ryaranthia, but I was hoping the stories from the War of Two Kings were a myth. That they’d still be afloat and Hilithia wasn’t the last remaining hope for civilization because Viven and Moriann are both fucked.”
I looked back out toward the horizon. It was what we’d always been told. That there used to be two continents with three kingdoms. The Islands of Perinth made up the third, apparently rising and falling during the war between Dahes and Elion.
The islands were known for peace. They weren’t involved in the conflict, but somehow they were the ones who suffered the most. Everything was destroyed, and there wasn’t a Perinthian left in existence.
It still felt that way now, that we were all forced to suffer from the two kings’ brutality, and it didn’t matter the cost.
“You were right about the mead,” I said, passing the bottle back to Hael, making sure I kept it above the water.
I had no idea how long we stayed in the ocean, talking about everything as the gentle swells of water pushed and pulled around us.
I was glad we were far out, glad most of the water was covering me, even though Hael made it a point to only look at my face.
“It does taste good.” Either that or my body was just getting used to the bitter burn of it as it ignited a warmth down my throat.
He took a sip, grinning into the bottle, before passing it back to me.