Chapter 5
Booze and chlorine. They were the scents of Alan’s adolescence, not to mention a few wonderful post-finals weekends in law school.
The heat of the water sank into his bones, easing aches he hadn’t even been aware of.
Joints loosened, muscles relaxed, and he finished off the last gulp of his martini before closing his eyes and dropping his head back against the tile.
His pulse pounded in his throat, reminding him that he still had a fever and the Jacuzzi was going to make that worse. The booze probably wasn’t good for him, either, but both the heat and the alcohol gave him easy excuses for his splintered thoughts.
Who needed to focus, anyway? Especially with the stars so pretty above and no one close enough to be in danger from him.
He was alone out here except for the bartender on the opposite side of the roof.
Down below, he could hear the chatter of other hotel guests, but he’d paid extra for a premium suite and the special rooftop view.
Or rather Carl would pay it as Harry D. S.
Den since this was his brother’s alias. Which meant that Alan could enjoy Bond martinis, shaken not stirred, and the color of the stars in gleeful peace.
Especially since he absolutely refused to feel guilty about burning through Carl’s money.
His brother would inherit all of Alan’s savings soon enough.
So Alan sank into the water and let his gaze wander through the stars.
He was just about to signal for another drink when he saw her.
At first he thought he was hallucinating.
He was constantly discovering new “gifts” from his change like killer BO on command and itchy feet.
Hallucinations couldn’t be far behind, right?
But this hallucination wasn’t going away.
A blond who looked a lot like Tonya stepped onto the balcony, looking away from him.
She was wearing a thong bikini and open skirt wrap.
The whole outfit was midnight blue with tiny sparkles that made him think she was twinkling just for him.
And then she turned around and headed his direction.
Her luscious breasts were plump, her waist narrow, and her hips moved in a way that could only be called bewitching.
Which meant it couldn’t be Tonya. As far as he was aware, she’d never sauntered anywhere, much less in so frankly a sexual way.
And yet, as the woman drew nearer, his brain kept screaming, Tonya. Tonya as a Victoria’s Secret model. Tonya as a Playboy bunny. Tonya looking even better than his adolescent fantasies of her. Tonya slowing as she approached to allow him to stare at every creamy inch of her exposed flesh. Jesus.
“Go away,” he croaked out. It was all he could manage between the dry throat and the fact that all his blood had gone south.
“What? Why?”
Oh hell, it was Tonya’s voice, too, only sounding strangely restricted and uncertain. As if she were as uncomfortable as he was horny. Then he watched her swallow. Oh God, how many of his adolescent dreams had involved that image?
Jesus, he was depraved.
He reached instinctively for his drink only to find he’d already finished it. Worse, his hands were shaking bad enough he fumbled with the empty glass.
Get it together!
Meanwhile, she stopped walking to twist sideways as she untied the filmy skirt.
There was almost no breeze, and yet the fabric billowed about her legs, drawing attention to their muscled length.
Tonya wasn’t tall so much as strong, but her proportions made it look like her legs went on for miles.
He couldn’t stop himself from thinking about them wrapped around his ass.
About the way she’d arch back, giving him a great view of her bobbing tits as he thrust home.
And he thought about sucking on her berry tips until she orgasmed around his dick while both his heads exploded.
His thoughts were graphic, the images filthy, and he had to sink farther into the bubbling water to keep his boner from breaking the surface. Why, why, why was she here tempting him with a body he couldn’t have? Suggesting things she’d never do with him?
And right there was the shot of ice water that he needed to regain his composure.
Sure Tonya was here, and just like at his fourteenth birthday party, she had an ulterior motive.
The difference here was that at fourteen, he hadn’t cared why she’d kissed him silly.
Now, nearing the ripe age of thirty, he more than cared. He despised her for it.
So he turned away from her to signal to the bartender. He didn’t need more vodka screwing with his thinking, but it was better than looking at her as she slowly sank one sweet inch at a time into the Jacuzzi.
“Fair warning, Tonya. If you step all the way into the water, I’m going to fuck you right here, right now. Beneath the stars and in front of Marty the bartender.” He turned his hard stare onto her. “And I won’t wear a condom or give two shits what you want.”
She paused, her eyes widening at his words. And then she shrugged, her lips curving into a taunting slash of a smile. “You could try.”
“Planning to cry rape?”
She shook her head. “Wouldn’t be rape with you.”
His gut clenched at her words, but that was nothing compared to his dick’s happy dance.
He’d been waiting well over a decade for her to say something like that to him.
He’d offered her respect in their teens, then courtly generosity in his early twenties.
Over the last few years, they’d settled on suggestive banter, which she sometimes killed, but sometimes played along with.
And whenever she’d teased him back, he’d jolt into a euphoric hope that one day they’d be more.
But then the bitch Elisabeth had kidnapped him and killed the man he was. The monster who currently inhabited his body was just hoping to strike back hard before he died. And maybe have a little cheap fun before the end.
And now Tonya wanted to play? Bullshit. She had an ulterior motive.
But apparently his dick didn’t care because here she was, fully into the hot tub despite his warning.
The bubbles played peekaboo with her belly button, and he felt the volcano inside him begin to churn.
Was it lust or violence burning through his veins? Even he didn’t know.
Marty brought him another martini, and Alan slammed it back like a shot.
Not the way to treat fine vodka, but he was pissed and the burn at the back of his throat fired his blood.
He put a fifty-dollar tip on the tab and told the man to stay at the far end of the roof.
And then he stared at Tonya with hooded eyes.
She lifted her chin—and her breasts—then arched a brow at him. “Why are you angry at me?”
He stared at her, shocked to realize the depth of her ignorance. “Are you kidding?”
She folded her arms, plumping her cleavage even more. “I get why you’re angry. You’ve got every right. But why be pissed at me?”
“Do you know when I fell in love with you?”
She flinched at the question. How could she not know how completely she’d owned him as a teenager?
“I was fourteen and you came to my birthday party. You wore a leather miniskirt, nearly spilled out of your bikini top, and batted your eyes beneath that goth eye shadow. And right there in front of all my friends playing Halo, you kissed me. For like ten minutes.”
“It was a dare.”
“I know.” He let that hang in the steam between them.
She’d upended his world with one very public, very hot kiss.
She’d smelled like vanilla and rocked her pelvis against his erection.
She’d tugged on his lower lip and rubbed her breasts against his chest. And when she’d pulled back, her nipples had been tight pearls and her cheeks were flushed.
He’d nearly come just looking at her wet ruby lips.
All because some senior dickhead had dared her to go give Carl’s little brother a big happy.
“We’ve talked about this, Alan,” she said. “I apologized the next day. I was wrong and cruel. In a family of all boys, I needed to find a way to be a girl and you were safe.”
He nodded. “And that just made me fall a thousand times farther.”
She sighed and dropped down onto the seat. Her hair was short, but the splashes made the fringes dark and spiked. He barely noticed, being more consumed by the way her breasts floated and those silver dots on the bikini sparkled.
“I can’t help how you felt in high school,” she said. Then she lifted her chin and waited until he met her gaze. “I never toyed with you again.”
Which had made her the unattainable dream. A woman he’d tasted but who was forever out of reach. How he’d jerked off to her fantasy, and with every explosion he’d devised another way that she could become his.
“Which doesn’t answer the question,” she pressed. “Why are you mad at me now?”
Because she was his biggest disappointment in a spectacularly disappointing life.
By all accounts, he was one of Gladwin’s smartest, most talented children.
He couldn’t shift into a grizzly bear, but he could use the law like a weapon to protect or destroy.
He’d been the organizational skill behind his father’s and his brother’s reigns as Max.
And in case legal brilliance wasn’t enough, he could fight toe-to-toe with any of the bears.
Martial arts training had seen that, if needed, he could survive against most shifters despite their animal advantages.
And what had that amounted to in real life?
Jack shit. No one had even noticed when he’d gone missing.
Two court cases had gone belly up because he’d been kidnapped, and that didn’t include the filings that he’d missed.
Not even his own brother had realized he was gone.
Why? Because he wasn’t a shifter. What he did was in the background where no one saw until the damage was too big to ignore.
Spectacularly disappointing for a favored son.
And now he was a stinking, furry monster with a death sentence, so there was no hope for anything better.
No longer could he cut bait and start fishing in the larger, more lucrative waters of Chicago or New York City.
Thanks to Elisabeth, all he could do was find the bitch who had murdered him and make sure she got what she deserved.
Well, that and fuck the woman who had most disappointed him.
“I would have given you anything, Tonya. But you wanted to be Maxima.” She’d wanted to be alpha bitch with his brother. “And when Carl said no, you took my job as beta instead.”
He watched her swallow and damned himself for still being aroused by that. “Yeah,” she finally said, her voice hoarse, “you got reason.”
“You’re fucking right I do.” And yet hearing her admit it wasn’t the victory he craved.
If anything, it felt hollow to hear her say that.
Like he’d been striving all these years for a brass ring, and when he finally grabbed hold, it turned out to be nothing but a thin piece of aluminum foil. And that pissed him off even more.
“Bend over, Tonya.” He was going to fuck her from behind like a beast.
“No.” She flashed him a smile. “Let’s talk a bit more first.”
“Fucking tease,” he spat out. The venom in his words startled them both.
“I’ve never lied to you,” she said, her voice cold. Good. Made it easier to hate her.
“Don’t care,” he said. Then he stood up, feeling the water sheet off him as his chest rippled.
He wasn’t a vain man. He’d never cared what he looked like beyond making sure he appeared well groomed.
But his change had given him muscles where before he’d just been lean.
So for the first time in his life, he had a physique to be proud of.
Assuming, of course, he kept it to the human normal look instead of hairy monster.
So he rose out of the water, letting her see every inch of his chiseled abs and thick boner.
And he watched her eyes, feeling both sickened and aroused by the way they widened and her lips felt open.
“Like what you see?” he taunted.
“Yes,” she answered. Tonya was nothing if not succinct. Then she tilted her chin, challenge in every line of her body for all that she was sitting down. “We do this, we do it face-to-face.”
He snorted. “Like I care what you want.”
“Not a want, Alan. It’s how it’s gonna be.”
He took a moment to process her words. Was she really saying she’d spread her legs for him? Now? He couldn’t believe it. It had to be another lie like that kiss when he’d been fourteen. “Why? Is it because I’m a shifter now? You don’t get off on anyone who isn’t a beast?”
She shook her head. “You’re not a beast. I wouldn’t be with you if you were.”
He snorted and held up an arm. “I could prove you wrong.” With a single thought, there could be thick fur up and down his skin, not to mention claws where his fingernails should be.
“I don’t care what you shift into, Alan. You’re not a monster.” She leaned forward. “And I’ve wanted you for a long time.”
“Liar.” He abruptly slammed forward. One moment they’d been on opposite sides, but he cut through the water fast enough that she didn’t have time to protect herself when he gripped her jaw. “Lie again, Tonya. I dare you.”
He felt her muscles work under his fingers.
A shift and a tension that he didn’t accommodate.
It took her three tries before she spoke, but when she did, he couldn’t believe her words.
“I want children. I tried to do it the normal way. Marriage, picket fence, blah, blah, blah. But I’m not a normal girl, so I might as well do it directly.
” She reached out and gripped his dick, her hand was as firm and direct as his own grip on her jaw.
“I want your children, Alan. So fuck me already. Here. Now. Face-to-face. But you damn well better be sure you’re set up to provide for them because I’m not going to be another penniless unwed mother for anyone. ”