Chapter 15 #2
Fallon hesitated, collecting her thoughts. The alcohol loosened her tongue, but not enough to drown her senses. “It’s… both. He kind of scares me, and that’s pretty hard to do considering I lived with Trent for a few months.”
“That one still blows my mind.” Audra leaned closer. “I can’t imagine it’s his job that frightens you because you carry a weapon. And you’ve never shied away from things like that. So, I’m guessing it’s the ‘if I let myself feel this, I’m gonna fall hard’ kind of fear.”
“And maybe because Buddy’s a bit broken?” Trinity asked. “Because we all know about broken men.”
Fallon stared into the fire, letting the flames blur, while she tried to unjumble her thoughts and untangle the feelings she didn’t quite know what to do with or where to file them. “I’ve never thought about marriage or kids or any of that because it's never been a priority for me.”
“And Buddy’s making you rethink your life structure?” Audra asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe some of it’s him, and maybe some of it is sitting here with all of you. Listening to you poke fun at your lives, that you obviously wouldn’t change a single thing, and I realize how thick and strong my walls are.” She swallowed the bitter taste of truth.
“We all do things to protect ourselves,” Audra said.
“We’ve all had to break out of metaphorical chains.
You’ve had a lot of loss in your life and at a young age.
I know what that’s like. It hardens the heart and bleeds the soul.
However, we’ve all learned that ghosts of our past don’t have to command where we go in the future. ”
“Damn, that’s poetic, and you’re not even drinking.” Trinity shifted, rubbing a hand over her expanding stomach. “Fallon, let me ask you this. Can you visualize the kind of life you want in five years? Does it differ from what you wanted before you and Buddy became a thing?”
Oh boy, that was a big question. Fallon wasn’t sure she was prepared to be completely honest with these women, much less herself, with her answer.
“Before, I couldn’t see it. A life with a partner.
With kids. I’ve always dated guys with the emotional maturity of a teenager.
Or they’re more damaged than I am and I can’t do that anymore.
” She shifted, crossing her legs at her ankles.
Her pulse kicked up a notch, and a bolt of adrenaline coursed through her like she’d downed a shot of fireball.
“I look at Buddy, and everything inside me settles. When I’m with him, especially when chaos hits, I don’t feel alone.
While I know this town has wrapped me in a warm blanket ever since my parents died, I feel like an outsider. ”
“I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you feel like you don’t belong,” Baily said.
“You’ve never done that. No one has. It’s me.
It’s like the day Tessa disappeared, I decided to torture myself for the rest of my life.
” She swiped at her eyes, hoping to keep the tears at bay.
“If Tessa can no longer have it, then neither should I. And for years, I’ve told myself I didn’t want it, anyway.
That I could live out my days on ‘good enough’.
But now, it’s like my brain finally stopped pretending I don’t want someone to share my life with.
I now want to be completely happy with all the messy parts that come with a family. I don’t know what to do with that.”
“That’s not a bad thing,” Baily said softly.
Logically, Fallon knew that. But knowing and believing were two different things. She'd spent so long convinced she didn't deserve happiness that wanting it felt like betrayal.
“Do you feel guilty for wanting all the things someone took from Tessa?” Audra asked.
“Yeah. Sometimes.” The guilt had been easier to carry than the risk of actually living.
Safer. Like if she stayed small enough, grief couldn't find her again. “But being around this. Being with Buddy. If it had been me who’d vanished, I’d haunt Tessa to the ends of the Everglades for not living her life.
She'd tell me to stop being stupid and take it.”
“So, what’s the problem?” Trinity asked.
“The problem is, the guy I’m seeing doesn’t want any of that. And he’s made it clear he’s temporary. And I agreed.” Fallon shrugged. “At the time, I couldn’t see past the bed sheets.” Fallon tugged at a loose thread on her shorts. “Now, I’m not sure I want to let him go.”
“You two are magnets,” Trinity said. “And magnets don’t do temporary.”
Fallon opened her mouth to argue, but headlights swung across the yard.
Buddy.
Her pulse tripped.
He stepped out of his SUV, moving with the low, quiet confidence that always made something in her chest go warm and unsteady. He spotted her instantly, and despite the chaos of the world outside this backyard, he smiled.
A genuine one that made her stomach twist in circles like the beginning of a tornado.
“Hey,” he said, his voice a low rumble that did terrible things to her insides. “You ready?”
Fallon blinked. “You’re early.”
“You texted me that you were tipsy,” he said with a smile that was so kind and sweet. How could she see beyond the moment? “I thought maybe since this bunch is all pregnant, you were drinking for four.”
Audra turned and glared. “It’s just mean to remind a red-headed pregnant woman she can’t have a drink.”
Buddy laughed, and Fallon hated—hated—that the sound made her breath catch.
When she stood, he reached for her hand, warm and steady. She swayed the tiniest bit, and he tightened his grip. Protective. Careful. Too damn good.
And too damn fleeting.
He leaned in and kissed her cheek, letting his lips linger a little longer than necessary. Sweet. Simple. The kind of gesture you gave someone when you were keeping things casual, keeping things light.
Except her pulse kicked up, her chest tightened, and every nerve ending where his mouth touched her skin lit up as if he'd branded her. For something that was supposed to be short-lived that kiss sure as hell whispered forever.
“It’s always good to see you ladies.” He waved and they waved back, saying their good-byes, promising they’d do it all again.
The walk to his vehicle was strangely intimate—his hand around hers, her mind spinning with tequila and longing and danger. He opened the door for her, like he always did, and she climbed in, heart tapping too fast.
The drive was only five minutes, but she studied him the entire time—the strong line of his jaw, the way his hands wrapped around the steering wheel, the faint tension in his shoulders like he was constantly holding something in.
Even when he was soft with her, he held something back.
She didn’t ask. Had never asked. She wasn’t sure she wanted the answer. Or maybe she already knew it.
Temporary.
No promises.
This was just fun while it lasted.
Trouble was, she wanted it to last. For the first time in her life, she wanted to find out what the possibility of a future was like, and she wanted it to be with Buddy. Granted, she couldn’t force him to want that too. Besides, maybe she wouldn’t fall…who was she kidding? She was halfway there.
They pulled into the rental and strolled up the path to the door. A million things raced through her mind, but she couldn’t focus on anything but him. On being with him.
He barely had the door closed before she grabbed his shirt, fisting the fabric, yanking him down into a kiss that was hungry, hot, and desperate.
He responded instantly—hands on her waist, mouth claiming hers in a way that made her knees go weak. Their tongues twisting and rolling over each other, hungry and relentless.
She shoved him into the wall, needing him, needing this, needing the noise in her head to quiet.
He kissed her like he’d needed her, too—like the last twenty-four hours had exposed something raw in him. He lifted her off the ground and turned, slamming her back against the wall, his knee shoved between her legs. His fingers dug into her hips like he was staking a claim.
She glided her hand across his neck, down his back, over his hip, doing her best to wedge it between their bodies, and find… him.
Abruptly, he curled his fingers around her wrist, placed her hand on his shoulder, and cupped her face, his breath harsh against her lips. He held her still, staring down at her with eyes that saw far too much.
Her chest heaved.
His did too.
She brushed her mouth against his, voice a whisper frayed at the edges. “I need you.” She swallowed hard, fingers curling into his shirt. “Just you. I need to forget everything else—everything happening out there. I need to lose myself in you.”
Buddy's breath hitched at her plea, his gaze searing into hers, the intensity of it more intoxicating than any tequila. A flicker of something undefinable, more potent than lust, shimmered in the depths of his eyes. Or maybe that’s what she wanted to see—hoped to see.
He leaned in, his lips brushing over hers, slow and deliberate. Each touch, each moment, was a question, an invitation, and an affirmation. All she wanted to do was strip them of their clothes and feel every inch of him inside her, stroking her, making her withe in his passion.
With a growl, he shifted his grip to her thighs, lifting her higher against the wall.
The sudden movement forced a shocked gasp from her, but it morphed into a moan as his mouth traced a path from her lips down to the pulse beating wildly at her throat.
Every nerve was electric, her body humming in anticipation.
He stepped from the wall and his hand slipped under the hem of her shirt, tracing the sensitive skin of her lower back. Her muscles jumped in response, her breath hitching as his fingers found the clasp of her bra.
This wasn’t new territory. They’d had sex at least five times in this house. His bed. The shower. Even the kitchen. She’d always enjoyed the physical act. She’d never been shy when it came to her body. Or men.