Chapter Sixteen
Ellis hadn’t planned on having to deal with his issues up here. He preferred facing danger head-on and, well, like Kirsten had said. Being brave in his job.
Because maybe he didn’t know how to be brave when it came to his feelings.
It left him feeling…really damn uncomfortable, but there was nowhere to run. Because she kept calling him on the running. If he kept doing it, it just proved her point.
He put his hands over hers, gently removed them from his face.
“I think before we go making any…proclamations or decisions, you need to meet with a medical professional to make sure everything is all right.” He squeezed her hands before releasing them.
“And we need to neutralize this threat before we can do that.”
She fixed him with that teacher look of hers—stern disapproval as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Which person do you not trust? Kirsten or Jessica?”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “They’re the same for me, baby. You were always the same.”
She studied him for a while before speaking. “Then you don’t have to worry, do you? If it’s always me. You love me. I love you. I’m not saying going back into the real world remembering is going to be easy, but I’m not going to borrow hard. We get enough hard honestly, don’t we? We’ll work it out.”
There was something about her being so determined, so sure about them. About a future together. It steadied him, or maybe just smoothed away a doubt he hadn’t fully known was a seed he’d cultivated.
Because, damn, he wanted to believe they’d work it out.
“Call Boyd, Ellis. If he doesn’t answer, you can always try again later.”
He sighed heavily. “All right.”
Kirsten started fussing with plates and cleaning up lunch while he sat back down on the couch in the living room. He opened his phone, went into its settings, and changed the outgoing phone number to one he hadn’t used in a long, long time.
One with a Chicago area code. One Boyd should have in his phone under Ellis’s name. Unless he’d deleted it.
The phone rang twice, then a low voice answered. “Ellis. Hey, man. How’s it going?”
Ellis heard the concern. The surprise. Maybe even a little suspicion in Boyd’s voice. All things he’d expect. All things that made sense.
“It’s…going okay,” Ellis managed. “Better,” he amended. Because there could be some honesty in this, even if not all. And he was certainly a different man than he’d been two years ago when he’d first arrived in Wyoming.
“Good, I’m glad to hear it,” Boyd said, sounding a little more at ease. “Freezing your ass off in Alaska?”
“Yeah, it’s…cold.”
An uncomfortable silence descended, and Ellis knew he had to break it. It would be easiest to just dive into work, but Kirsten working in the kitchen, within earshot, poked at him. Like he owed both these people he cared about some…hard conversations.
“I called because I have a favor to ask, but I wanted to start by apologizing. I know I just…disappeared. I didn’t really know how to deal with anything.
Getting away, isolating myself, it was the only way to get through.
” It wasn’t a lie. Hell, it was nothing but the truth even if he’d had to leave and isolate to keep Kirsten a secret.
“You went through hell, Ellis. I don’t hold anything against you. You ever make it back to the lower forty-eight, you let me know and I’ll meet you halfway.”
It wasn’t just kindness. It was a true offer of friendship.
“But I sure as hell ain’t going to Alaska,” Boyd added in his usual irreverent manner.
Ellis managed a laugh through a too-tight throat. “I appreciate it.”
“Okay, so what’s this favor, since we don’t need to worry about any bullshit apologies?”
Ellis couldn’t help but wonder why Kirsten and Boyd so easily let him off the hook. Why he should make mistakes and hurt them, no doubt, and they were both so ready to call it a draw.
Almost as though he…saw things wrong. Almost as if he didn’t have to do everything perfectly to earn that relationship.
He shoved that uncomfortable thought away. “I received a threat. I think it’s tied to the Carusos.”
Boyd swore. “What kind of threat? Who have you talked to? What can I do?” It was immediate. No hesitation. What can I do?
No, Ellis didn’t think Boyd had anything to do with Colleen now, but he still had to be careful.
“You’re really the first person FBI-related that I’ve told. I’ve got some concerns about…leaks.”
Ellis waited through Boyd’s pause.
“Leaks,” Boyd echoed. “That’s a pretty serious accusation.” But he didn’t sound offended, or like he thought it was impossible. Maybe a little like he was concerned Ellis had lost it, but not defensive.
“Yeah, it is serious. But I have to be sure there wasn’t one before I reach out to anyone else we worked with. Someone knew enough to know how to threaten me, and they shouldn’t have.”
“I’m glad you reached out, man. I appreciate that you still trust me. So, what can I do to help?”
“I’ll admit, it wasn’t easy. Nothing about this is…particularly easy.”
“Yeah, I get it. Listen, I’m not in Chicago anymore. I’m in Nashville. So I can’t do any local poking, but I can ask around. Make up some connection to the Carusos so I need to look through old files. Not bring you up at all.”
“That might help if you can do it on the down-low. But I was also thinking… Did anyone leave around the same time as me? Someone who might have gotten out of FBI work shortly after everything went down because they didn’t want to be found out?”
“Not any agents,” Boys replied. “I was really the first one of our group to leave after you, and that was just the beginning of this year.”
“Right.” Ellis paused, deciding how hard to push.
And the bottom line was…he had to push. This was his shot, and he really believed Boyd wasn’t involved.
“What about someone in a different office who might have had access to information? Accountants? HR? Public affairs?” He was leading Boyd, but Boyd didn’t seem to pick up on it.
“I don’t know that I remember exactly. I’d have to think about it. Two years ago? You left. Big deal. The assignment gone wrong certainly rattled a lot of us. If I recall, there was even an investigation. How did the Carusos know… Well, how did they figure you out, right?”
“I…” He should have known there’d be an investigation, but he’d never really thought it through. He’d been so focused on Kirsten, on keeping her safe. “I was recovering then. I didn’t realize there was an investigation.”
“Yeah, I wasn’t involved. They considered me too close, so it was done by what they felt were unbiased sources. I bet if I look back through some of my old stuff, I could get you names of people involved in that. They didn’t find anything, so maybe that’s a lead.”
“Yeah, maybe.” But it wasn’t Colleen. Still, he hadn’t ever looked into that investigation about how his cover had been blown. He’d just assumed…he’d made a mistake and Kirsten had paid.
But what if it was bigger?
“Hey, wait. You know who did leave in that hubbub?” Boyd said. “Colleen Fredericks. That public affairs lady who was all up on you. Remember her?”
Ellis went very still, tried to keep his voice casual. “Yeah, I remember.”
“Not sure how someone in public relations could have the information or leak it, but she did leave right after you. I remember thinking it was weird. Worried she might…”
“Might what?”
“Well, it was just she was always so handsy with you. I thought maybe she figured with Kirsten…gone, she might have a chance with you.”
Ellis really couldn’t wrap his head around any of this potentially being about Colleen Fredericks wanting him, but she was definitely involved, so they had to follow the thread.
“It wasn’t a transfer, if I recall. I think she was going private,” Boyd said, and he did sound like he was thinking back, remembering. Not altogether sure. Not in on it. “But she didn’t go to Alaska, so I figured you were safe.”
“Where did she go?”
“I don’t really remember. I just knew it wasn’t in your direction. I can poke around though. See what I come up with. I’ll keep it quiet. You don’t have to worry about that.”
Ellis would worry, but Boyd was a good agent. He’d keep it quiet. And if he didn’t… Ellis glanced at Kirsten. She was watching him.
Ellis wouldn’t let anything happen to her. No matter what. Because he wasn’t leaving her side. No matter what.
“Hey, you know who Colleen was real chummy with there at the end?” Boyd said.
“Who?”
“That guy in support. What was his name? Short guy. Really liked a bow tie. West?”
Tom West.
Which was the name of the man who’d facilitated his fake transfer to Alaska.
KIRSTEN WATCHED ELLIS carefully as he said his goodbyes to Boyd. She’d listened to Ellis’s side of the conversation but hadn’t quite been able to follow the full crux of the conversation.
Except Ellis had expected to be rebuffed and had been welcomed instead. She’d known he would be. Boyd had been a real friend.
But something had happened at the end of that conversation that made Ellis still, stiffen. He hit End on the phone. Set it down. And let out a slow breath.
“You found something.”
He didn’t look at her. He was still just standing there. “Maybe.”
“Well?” Since he wasn’t turning to face her she walked into the living room so she could see him, since he still wasn’t responding. “Ellis, tell me.”
“Boyd mentioned Colleen leaving not long after I did. I didn’t really have to lead him there. So, I think it was genuine.”
“Okay, confirming what you already thought. So why are you acting so…” She didn’t have the right words for it. It kind of reminded her of before she remembered. The careful way he held himself always. “Ellis.”
“There was a guy in support named Tom West. He handled travel and, in my case, the fake transfer to Alaska. Apparently, according to Boyd, he’d gotten kind of close to Colleen right before she left. It doesn’t mean anything, necessarily.”
“But it could. If he made the arrangements for Alaska, he knew more than other people. And he could have fed it to her. On purpose or not.”
“He works for the FBI, Kirsten. If he fed it to her, he meant to. And if this is all true…why would these people turn on me? Why would they still be after me through you all this time later? I didn’t do anything to them. I didn’t even succeed in that assignment. I failed.”
“Some people went to jail, you said.”
“Yeah, but not all. Believe me, they didn’t pay. Not really.”
“That’s how you see it. Big picture. Some not all, but I’m guessing the some were pretty pissed about it. I dealt with plenty of students who thought I was the bad guy for punishing them for things they chose to do wrong.”
Some of the tension in him released, a little. His mouth curved. “Students and mobsters.”
“Not so very different,” she finished. Because it was something they used to say to each other.
He lowered his mouth to hers. A brief, soft kiss, but it was the first time she hadn’t pushed him into it, and it made her want to cry. Because here they were, finding their way back to each other.
But there was a black cloud hanging over it. Still, she wrapped her arms around him. To hold on. To believe that this was the rock, the anchor, that would get them through to the other side where a future—a new future—lay.
“You get to be upset that someone might have betrayed you,” she told him when he stiffened against the hug. “You don’t have to lock it all away and focus on the job.”
She felt his chest rise and fall in another sigh. His hand smoothed down her back. “There’s a threat. That has to be the focus. To stop it.”
“But the threat is personal.” She looked up at him, arms still wrapped around his waist. “Or at least it feels that way, right?”
“It doesn’t mean it can be personal. Not when there’s still so much we don’t know, and as much as it feels personal to me, it doesn’t mean it was for them.
The information leak could be a lot of things and for a lot of different reasons.
” He gave her a little squeeze, then released her, putting space between them.
But it wasn’t running away. He was sitting down on the couch so he could open the laptop. “It feels like it was about me, but I have to remember, a good agent remembers, feelings aren’t facts. What we need are more facts.” He pointed to the computer as if he could find them all there.
Which was a perfect time to introduce what she’d been thinking about all day. Most especially when he’d been on the phone with Boyd. Research was great. Collecting data was obviously important.
But if she knew anything about being an FBI agent from being right by Ellis’s side all these years, it was that at a certain point you had to act. With all those tools, yes, but collecting a bunch of tools didn’t matter if you weren’t ever going to use them.
“I’ve been thinking about something.”
He didn’t look up at first. He was typing away. In investigator mode. She could leave him to it. He was the professional after all. But…
“I know you’re not going to like it.”
He stopped typing, eyed her. But he didn’t stop her or demand to know what she was talking about. He let her get it out in her own time.
“I just think, you’ll know more if I go in to see Dr. Leigh. In person.” Before he could argue with her, which he was obviously going to do, she continued on. “You’ll be with me. If we can work it out to see Colleen there…what might domino from that?”
His expression was fierce, but his voice was calm. She’d always been attracted to that dichotomy. That there was a temper underneath all that impressive calm, but he could use the calm whenever he needed to. So unlike any of the forces she’d grown up with.
“You’re talking about putting yourself smack-dab in the middle of danger,” he said, not outright saying something like I forbid it, but it had that effect all the same.
“I know that’s your MO. Why can’t it be mine?”
His scowl deepened. “Because you’re a civilian, Kirsten. One who’s already been harmed by something that shouldn’t have touched you.”
“But it did. We can’t go back and change that. You can’t even make it right. It will always be wrong, what they did to me. What they did to us. But don’t I have a right to fight back?”
“I am fighting back on your behalf,” he insisted. “And part of that means staying here. Staying safe. We’ve asked for help. We’ve got Zach and his crew and now Boyd helping. There is no point in us wading into danger we don’t know the extent of.”
She would have argued with him, had been prepared to, but something struck her in the way he phrased all that.
He wasn’t talking about handling everything himself. He wasn’t saying she needed to stay put while he ran into danger. He wasn’t running away. He’d said we. He’d said us.
So she sat next to him on the couch and didn’t point all the ways sitting here waiting went against everything he’d ever told her about what he did.
“You’re not going to argue with me?” he asked dubiously. She wouldn’t say he could read her mind, but he knew her well enough.
Still, she rested her head on his shoulder. “You said us. I’m not going to argue with that.”