3. Kedi
Kedi
I pulled the borrowed sedan over along the shoulder of the rural road, an hour out of the city, no other cars in sight. There were no signs marking the area, but I knew. My soul would always know.
I cut the engine, and the crushing silence pressed down on me.
I could usually ignore the constant roar of the city—the cars and music, so many voices all speaking at the same time, even the hum of electricity, not to mention the hiss and grind of tools we used in the garage where I worked.
It was a constant barrage of noise for a shifter whose hearing was so sensitive.
Out here, though, there was only the wind through the trees, a gentle rustle of animals through the undergrowth, the occasional chirp of insects…
It soothed my frayed nerves in a way that was hard to ignore.
I needed to get out of the city more often.
Yes, my wolf said in agreement. But just because we felt at home here, that didn’t make it any easier to be back.
Bracing myself, I climbed out of the car and took a deep breath of clean air. It was cool enough that I was tempted to put on my jacket, but there was no point. Not when I was about to shift.
The road ran along the crest of a hill, and from where I stood, the valley was spread out before me, the trees bathed in silver moonlight.
In a distant way, I could acknowledge that it was beautiful, but the longer I stared at it, the less I could see it.
There were too many complicated emotions tied to this land, too many memories that overshadowed any appreciation I might’ve held.
These were the lands of the Red River wolf pack.
Or at least they used to be, before… Well, before that night.
Now, I didn’t know whose land it was. I’d spent my first six years here, but never once had I felt the soil beneath my paws because I’d been too young to shift.
So was that why my wolf had insisted we return?
I honestly didn’t know why I was here. I hadn’t been back in almost 20 years, but no matter how much time had passed, the raid on our camp still haunted my nightmares. Maybe this was our chance to make peace. For my wolf to connect with the land and for me to say farewell to the past.
Sierra was currently leading a pack run out at Birds Hill with a few of the other local shifters. They’d obviously invited me, and I’d almost said yes. I always said yes, but this time, my wolf dug his claws in. He’d been hounding me to head back to our old pack land for ages.
Hounding? he said snidely. Not funny.
Oh, come on, you have to admit it’s a little funny.
I hadn’t told my pack where I was going tonight. This felt private. It was something we needed to do on our own, just me and my wolf.
A shadow rolled across the valley, and I looked up at the full moon and the bank of clouds swallowing the stars one by one as a stormfront moved in.
We’re going to get wet, I warned my wolf, but he gave me the equivalent of a shrug.
Well, if he didn’t care, then neither would I. At least the weather would suit my mood.
Peeling my tee over my head, I tossed it into the backseat of the sedan I’d borrowed from my boss, Trey.
My own car, a sweet ’69 Camaro I’d been fixing up over the past five years, wasn’t something I would risk driving out here on the rutted dirt roads with its low suspension.
I was liable to bottom out. For safekeeping, it sat behind Trey’s garage where I worked, waiting for me to have a few minutes between customers to tinker with her.
The cool air raised goosebumps across my chest, nipples tightening.
It only got worse when I shucked my pants, turning so my bare ass took the brunt of the wind.
At least it would only be a minute before my wolf took his fur.
One second, gravel was digging into the bottoms of my feet, and the next, my wolf’s warmth enveloped me, and he bounded off the road and into the tree line, eager to run and stretch his legs.
I was more than happy to hand over control and let myself drift into the background.
In the city, it wasn’t like I could just let my wolf have free rein whenever he needed a run.
Small shifters had it so much easier. Cats and mice, birds, squirrels, nobody blinked an eye when they saw one of them.
But a wolf, roaming through the park? Yeah, no.
My poor beast spent so much of his time trapped inside me, he deserved this, and he was taking full advantage of the freedom to roam.
The way he moved, it wasn’t random. There was purpose in the direction he chose.
It was almost like he was on a mission, following a path only he could see, and even when a rabbit darted from beneath the underbrush, my wolf didn’t give chase; he remained on task.
Inside our mind, I could feel his excitement, true happiness at exploring what he still considered as our land.
The air was filled with the earthy scent of loam and moss, ferns brushing against our fur, so familiar in a way that was impossible.
Everything was green green green, and drifting as I was, I couldn’t help the memory it awakened inside me.
“Bet you can’t catch me!” I taunted Conroy, but it was just to make him chase me.
I knew full well he could catch me if he wanted to.
I was the smallest pup in the back, all scrawny and weak.
But Conroy was an alpha, and that meant he was really fast, way bigger and stronger than I was.
He’d be pack Alpha one day, that was what Papa said.
Conroy grinned, showing off his gap-toothed smile, his green eyes flashing.
“Can too!” he replied, and just like that, the chase was on.
He stayed right on my heels, but I knew he wasn’t trying very hard to catch me.
I knew that because even when I slowed down, he did too.
And when I ran as fast as I could, he had no trouble keeping up.
I aimed for the part of the forest where the trees were really close together and the gooseberry bushes grew.
There was no path here, and I ran so fast that the leaves all blended into a green-and-brown blur.
I was faster than the wind! I was going so fast that I didn’t see the root that jutted out of the ground until it was too late.
My foot caught, and I fell forward, slamming down on my hands and knees, and a sharp pain stabbed into my hand.
I cried out, tears instantly spilling down my cheeks.
Conroy was at my side in an instant, taking my hand and turning my arm over gently, exposing a needle-thin thorn sticking out of my palm. “Are you okay, Kedi?"
I nodded, even though it was a lie. There was blood. I’d never bled before.
“Don’t worry, I’ve got you,” he said, holding my hand steady as he plucked out the thorn.
It caused another sharp stab of pain, and I tried to stop my lower lip from quivering as I rubbed my tears off my cheeks on the back of my other hand.
Dad would tell me to buck up, but Papa said it was okay to cry, as long as it was for the right reason.
I wasn’t sure if getting hurt was a good enough reason.
“When we were running, why didn’t you catch me?” I asked with a sniff.
Conroy shrugged, but his cheeks turned rosy, like he was too hot all of a sudden.
“Because if I caught you, the game would be over and it would be time to go home. Besides, you’re my best friend.
I would rather run beside you.” He used the cuff of his sleeve to wipe the blood away.
“See? It’s already healing. Want me to carry you back? ”
Warmth bloomed in my chest. I didn’t know if he was strong enough to carry me, but it meant the world that he’d offered. “I’d rather walk beside you.”
His smile was so bright that I swore it made the pain hurt less. “Okay.” He stood up and held his hand out to me. Even though we were both covered in mud, I put my hand in his, warm and steady, and let him pull me up. And he didn’t let go of my hand the whole walk home.
I became aware of my wolf’s change in pace and drifted back to the surface to look through his eyes.
His easy lope had stuttered as he caught a glimpse of the slow-moving water through the trees, and even in the dark, I could perfectly recall the color of the water, made rusty from the muddy river bottom.
He might not have walked this land himself before, but he lived in my mind, surrounded by my memories. He knew where we were.
Home, he said carefully. A sharp stab of panic hit me as I thought of all we’d lost here. I almost told him to stop, to turn around and go back to the car, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t!
He padded slowly through the trees, and for one brief moment, I caught a glimmer of what once was, images of past and present overlapping.
The row of cabins set back from the river, the sound of laughter.
But my memory simply wasn’t strong enough to withstand reality, and too soon, I had to face the wreckage of what had been my home.
The cabins were little more than charred beams left to rot, the clearing merging with the encroaching forest and choked with weeds.
My wolf’s apology wrapped around me in comfort. He hadn’t meant to hurt me by coming here, but it was good that we did. It was an important step toward moving on—for both of us.
I felt Conroy’s absence now more than ever.
When the hunters raided our camp just days after that run through the woods, they’d killed everyone and burned our homes to the ground.
Sierra’s parents told her to run, so she did, and it was nothing more than chance that had put Ricky, Oliver, and me in her path.
She’d grabbed us on the way by, and no matter how much we argued to go back, she’d hidden us inside the hollow tree.
The four of us had been forced to listen as our families and friends were slaughtered, as everything we’d ever known was torn away from us.
Conroy, that beautiful green-eyed boy with a heart of gold, was nothing more than a sweet memory.
So much time had passed since that night that the bad memories had nearly erased the good. I couldn’t remember my papa’s voice beyond his scream. When I tried to recall my dad’s face, there was only blood.
Conroy, though… For some reason, my mind had protected him just for me.
Even now, standing here on the edge of our camp with the memories still fresh in my mind, I swore I could perfectly recall his scent, as clearly as if it were yesterday.
Like lemon verbena and rosemary. I used to tease him that he smelled like he’d run through my papa’s herb garden, and to this day, it was the main reason I grew those same herbs myself in my little rooftop garden.
A flash of lightning slashed through the night, searing an afterimage of the ruins onto our retinas, almost immediately followed by a clap of thunder, loud enough to rumble through our chest. My wolf tipped our head back and let out a long, mournful howl that echoed through the valley.
It was a farewell, an apology, a eulogy for everything we lost that day.
But then the clouds parted for a moment, revealing the moon, full with promise and power, and the sight was enough to startle us both to stillness. The moon… did it look…?
Your tattoo, my wolf said, putting words to what I was thinking.
I’d spent so much time staring at the enchanted tattoo that spanned my ribs that I knew every detail by heart.
I’d been searching for a clue to find my mate, but I’d never found any hint that might even lead me in the right direction.
There was a full moon every month, after all.
But this moon… it was exactly the same! Did that mean…
my mate was here? Had fate finally guided me to the right time and place?
My heart soared as my wolf set his nose to the wind. Was my wait finally over?