CHAPTER 45
WREN
∞
I can barely stay upright as all the energy drains out of me. Her words destroyed me. I didn’t think something so simple as this could break me in this way, but Alex is right…I can’t keep doing this. I’m hurting them both enough to completely tear into me.
Chess was adamant about me not firing her. She didn’t want me interfering with her work, but my actions pushed her far enough to want to get as far away from me as possible.
It hurts. It fucking hurts so much.
She’s been to hell and back and has slowly moved past her trauma. She’s allowed me to touch her when no one else could. She’s completely opened herself up to me and I can’t do the same.
I’m an embarrassment. I’m weak. I can’t let go of my own hatred and self-pity enough to help myself, while she’s been fighting her whole life to have some semblance of normalcy in this cruel fucking world.
“I’ll do it.”
The words tumble from my mouth without reservation. I have no control anymore. That control was lost the moment she rejected me. The thought of being completely alone in the end scares me, and I don’t want that…I don’t want to be alone.
“What?”
She whispers.
I feel broken. I feel completely overwhelmed and so fucking tired. I’m done fighting…I’m just so fucking done with all of this. I hate myself, but I hate the thought of her hating me more. I never wanted her to see me this way. I never wanted her to have to experience the monster she completely fears.
She’s not afraid of me though. She’s willingly offering herself up to me to make me whole. I’m about to drug her…I can’t believe I’m doing this to her after everything, but I just can’t keep fighting her anymore.
“I said I’ll do it, Chess. You want to poison yourself, and you make me weak enough to agree to it. Are you satisfied? Are you pleased with yourself for completely destroying any shred of dignity I was trying to hold onto?”
“Doing this doesn’t make you weak, Wren,”
she whispers as she drops to her knees in front of me. “Knowing you have something wrong with you and doing everything in your power to make yourself better, means you’re strong.”
She places her hand lightly on my cheek and I can’t help leaning into it. “I promise, everything will be okay.”
She kisses my forehead and shifts her hands down to grip mine gently. She pulls me up with her and leads me over to the couch. Alex is still standing awkwardly by the door, and she notices as well, turning back to him. She motions for him to come in, and he quickly closes the door and sits in the chair next to the couch.
“Tell me what I need to do, Wren.”
I glance up at Chess and she fidgets awkwardly in front of me.
I widen my legs and motion for her to step forward. “Sit,”
I murmur, and she does. She settles herself between my thighs and I rub my hand down her arm. Her body is shaking, and I wonder if it’s from fear. “Are you okay?”
I ask her quietly.
“I’m a little nervous, that’s all.”
“I won’t do anything you don’t want while you’re out of it, Chess…you know that, right?”
She leans back into my body and my breath hitches in my throat. “I trust you, Wren.”
I wrap an arm around her torso and pull her in against my chest. I glance over to Alex, and he gives me a small smile, nodding his head.
I lean down to Chess’s ear. “Are you ready?”
Her body shivers and she nods her head. I shift my arm from her torso to hug her around her chest, holding her to me. I drag in a slow breath and lift my arm to my lips as I drop my canines. I bite down hard and close my eyes as my own blood pools on my tongue. I lower my arm down in front of her face and I can’t keep the disgust I feel right now from my voice.
“Drink.”