CHAPTER 47
WREN
∞
I cradle Chess against my chest as I carry her to the bedroom. She did this for me…I feel clear. For the first time in a long time, I don’t feel the darkness creeping in at every thought. It’s still there…I sense it in the recesses of my mind and around my heart, but the bloodletting helped ease the crushing despair that had hooked itself into my very being.
She’s exhausted. She took in more than I wanted her to and refused to stop. She probably succumbed to the effects of the venom, and I hope she wakes up with a clear mind. She’s had vampire blood before and didn’t seem to have the side effects from someone addicted to it like a drug. She really is a strong little thing, and I’m quickly realizing how much I need her.
She’s not afraid to call me out or hurt me in order to help me. Now that I feel like I can think straight, I’m realizing she may have said those things to play on my emotions. She manipulated me into doing this because she believed I was only thinking that way because of the darkness…because of the insanity.
I feel like maybe…she was right. I don’t sense the same dread and anger I did just moments ago. I don’t feel drained or broken.
I set her down on the bed and pull the covers up around her body and she nuzzles her face into the pillow. She lets out a cute little sigh and a small smile laces her lips. Nyx waltzes in and jumps up onto the bed, curling herself up against Chess’s back to sleep as well.
I close the door to her room carefully, so as not to disturb her, and make my way back out into the living room. Alex is back in the chair, and I brush my fingers through his hair as I walk by him to sit back down on the couch.
“How do you feel?”
He asks cautiously.
“Better.”
It’s a simple answer but it’s true. Guilt grips at my heart as his eyes settle on mine.
“Do you still wish to die, Wren? Do you still plan to leave me here alone?”
“No, Alex. I’m sorry…I’m sorry for everything.”
“Frankie was right then…the insanity has more symptoms that we know nothing about. It made you suicidal, Wren. It could even be the reason why blood hasn’t been satisfying you the way it should, and why you stopped bloodletting. If it got its claws into you far enough, it could have completely changed your brain chemistry.”
He’s right. I wasn’t bloodletting nearly enough, even while I was still doing it. That could have been the first step. Most purebloods try to turn at least a few humans a year, which is the easiest way to unload our venom mixed in with the vampire virus. I never did that. I never attempted anyone after Alex. I truly did this to myself. I created my own downfall.
“Thank you for being here, Alex. I’m glad you didn’t listen to me when I told you to leave.”
I lean back against the couch and stare up at the ceiling as I replay what just happened in my mind.
“You seemed to be more in control at least. I thought I was going to have to step in when you dragged your fangs on her, but you came back on your own.”
“She was acting like she wanted me to bite her.”
“Vampire blood does that though,”
he sighs, leaning back into his chair as well. He presses his hands to his eyes and then his arms fall heavily onto the armrests. “I can’t believe you finger fucked her in front of me,”
he snorts.
“She started it,”
I laugh. “I wasn’t going to go as far as fucking her, even if that’s what I wanted to do…which I did, but I know better. I know we’re already sleeping together, and she probably wouldn’t care if it happened, but I don’t want her to regret doing this for me.”
“You still fucked her, Wren…just not with your dick. Are you going to tell her that happened? You know she probably won’t remember any of this, since the venom can fuck up memories.”
“I don’t think she feels the same effects as the others. The blood whores crave it like a hard drug, but Chess…even after everything that happened to her, she’s never shown the symptoms of someone addicted to it.”
“Do you love her? I feel like you do, but I want to hear it from you, Wren.”
“I think I do. I’m not exactly sure since I’ve never experienced this. I love you, Alex, but I will admit, this feels different.”
“Are you going to tell her?”
He asks as he leans forward to rest his forearms on his thighs.
“No. It’s still too early and I don’t want to scare her away by throwing that type of emotion at her. We’ve only known each other for a few days, and I don’t want to overwhelm her.”
“You seem to have fallen very quickly for her,”
he laughs. “What is it about her that has you so smitten.”
“Everything,”
I sigh, dropping my gaze back again. “There’s just so much to her, and through all those complexities and anger, there’s a sweet girl in there that I just want to protect. I feel an unnatural pull to her, and the more I get to know her, the harder that pull is.”
“Maybe she’s your mate.”
I look over at him and he shrugs his shoulders as he leans back and props a leg across his thigh. “Vamps have talked about meeting people that they feel connected to in some way, and I mean, Aiden found his mate too. We’re not the only species out there, Wren. Most have someone they’re meant to be with…it just took you five hundred years to find yours.”
“The fact you of all people, are talking about soulmates, is a bit ridiculous. I thought you didn’t believe in any of that.”
“I’m a vampire, Wren,”
he smiles. “Pretty sure I can’t really pick and choose on what’s real and what’s not. In this world, anything is possible.”
He lifts himself to his feet and stretches out his arms hard enough to make his back pop. “I’m mentally drained, so I think I’m going to go take a nap myself.”
“Do you maybe want to grab some dinner later at Capala?”
He looks over his shoulder at me and raises an eyebrow. “If you don’t want to, that’s fine.”
“I’ll make the reservation. Assuming for the three of us?”
“I don’t know if Chess will want to go, and it’s a bit of a fancier restaurant, so I’m not sure if she’ll be comfortable going. Plus, she only has the one dress, and I don’t think she’ll want to wear it again so soon…”
“Ask her anyways and I’ll make the reservation for seven. I’ll even pick up a dress for her to wear tonight. Does that sound good?”
I stare at him in complete awe. He’s being very kind considering I was willing to abandon him. “Don’t look so shocked,”
he snorts. “I’m not against her hanging out with us, especially now. She did something huge for you today, Wren. She brought you back and I won’t forget that.”
“Thank you, Alex.”
He grants me a warm smile before making his way to the door and slipping out quietly. I sit on the couch, staring off into nothing as I think about the situation I’ve now put myself in. My thoughts are frantic and unorganized, and it’s making me miss the insanity a bit. At least with the insanity, I didn’t have to feel as much as I do now.
I lift myself to my feet and slowly make my way towards Chess’s bedroom. I turn the knob carefully and sneak it open. I smile to myself at how adorable she looks. She’s curled up on her side, partially cuddling the pillow at her head. Her fingers are gripped into it, and I look at her confused as I see the frown creasing her forehead. Her lips are moving quietly, and I step closer to her, crouching down in front of her. I brush my fingers through her hair and her frown deepens as she lets out a small gasp.
“No,”
she whimpers. “Please, no.”
Fuck.
She’s having a nightmare, and my stomach feels knotted, thinking that what we just did, triggered her to have a nightmare about her past. I press my lips to her forehead and tuck her hair behind her ear. A small tear sneaks past her lashes and trails down her cheek.
“Don’t leave me, Wren.”
My body freezes at the words. Her nightmare isn’t about her past, it’s about me. She’s dreaming about me, and this feels so much worse. I can’t even feel the joy I should at the idea because even though her thoughts are on me, they’re tainted by the pain I’ve caused her. She fears the idea of me leaving her.
What have I done?
I let the insanity take hold. I let it hurt those around me that I wish to protect. I dragged her down into my misery, and in turn, hurt her further than she deserves. She’s been through plenty all on her own, and my stupidity just added to that trauma.
I’m lucid now and I can’t let this happen again. As much as I may hate what I am, I can’t keep letting it control me if I have any chance in loving this girl and hoping that someday, she may love me back. I don’t want her to resent me. I can’t handle it if she resorts to hating me again.
“I won’t leave you, Chess…I love you.”
I can’t say it to her face, but I’ll settle for this right now. The words feel strange on my tongue. Saying this to a human was never in my thoughts, but she changed me. She made me better.
I tuck the blankets in further around her and move to the other side of the bed. Nyx lifts her head when I slowly slide under the covers and yawns. She gets up and stretches out her body before shifting towards me to curl up against my side instead.
I still don’t understand why this creature likes me. I could easily kill her without a second thought because she’s weak…fragile…just like her mother. Chess isn’t weak in the mind or her body, but compared to a vampire, she shouldn’t hold her own as well as she does. She’s quick and talented, and she had no problem putting me on my ass twice this morning. Her vessel is fragile though. If she didn’t have the will to fight, she would be crushed by my presence alone. This cat is just like her. Showing no fear to the one person that could kill her without question. She’s trusting me not to hurt her, again, just like her mother.
“You’re putting a lot of faith in me, aren’t you…”
I say quietly to her as I rub her under her chin. Her purring is rhythmic and relaxing, and soon I feel my eyelids growing heavy and the welcoming darkness of sleep, pulls at my mind.