Chapter Eight
Amixture of emotions washed through Jessie when she was told they were going to Virginia City. They agreed to take her with them at least. The feeling of accomplishment that she was going to be with them was almost overshadowed when they mentioned she would be dressed as a woman. She’d have to convince them otherwise.
She gave them both a tight smile, not wanting to push her luck by arguing over the dress. Walking over to her horse, she started to mount it, but was stopped when Gray’s hand captured hers. She paused, and her mind started racing at the contact. His touch lingered on her hand, and she started to wonder if he intentionally held it longer than needed, but then he withdrew it.
“Not happening,” he said. “I’m not risking you running away on your horse. You’ll have to ride with me.”
She bristled. “I hardly think that’s proper,” she said, attempting to mount her horse again. The thought of being in close proximity to him made her want to melt into a puddle on the ground. The thought of riding together seemed too … intimate. Especially with him.
He shook his head and pointed to his horse, not listening to her objections. “It’s also not proper for a woman to be wearing men’s pants or to be a bounty hunter, so don’t try to get out of something by saying it’s improper.”
She clasped her hands together until they turned white. She should have known he would refuse. While she didn’t worry about her reputation since she wasn’t going to be around Bozeman much longer, she still thought the argument might work to get him to let her ride by herself.
“I can ride my own horse,” she said in a short, staccato voice.
“I’m sure you can. But no.”
Without another word, he grasped her around the waist, carried her to his horse, and effortlessly lifted her into the saddle, where she landed with a painful thump. She cried out at the sudden movement, and shot her hands out to grasp the saddle in desperation to avoid falling to the ground. It was awkward to steady herself with bound hands, but she managed to catch herself before she slid off the other side of the saddle.
“Watch it!” she chided Gray, which earned a chuckle from Luke.
It felt strange to have a man’s hands on her waist; she’d never experienced that before. Her heart raced at the contact, and a shiver of longing passed through her. She thought it would have felt quite nice if Gray wasn’t a stubborn mule of a man who didn’t listen to reason.
“Really, Gray,” Luke reprimanded. “Where did you learn your manners?” He grinned mockingly at Gray, which made her like Luke more. Most people were probably afraid of Gray, but being his brother, Luke said whatever he wanted to him, she was sure.
With an exaggerated wink at her, Luke left the two of them alone and rode further ahead.
Gray mounted the horse behind her, and his hands traveled around her waist to capture the reins. His hard body close behind her, she could feel the warmth coming off him, and the back of her neck turned to gooseflesh in response. His front was plastered to her back, and she tried to ride ramrod straight to avoid their bodies touching. But it didn’t work. His scent enveloped her, the smell of pine drifting on the wind.
He laughed at her as she tried to put distance between them, and leaned close to her ear so only she could hear him. “If you try to sit that straight the whole ride, you’re going to be exhausted by the time we stop.”
She shivered at how close his lips were to her neck, but relaxed her body, knowing he was right. They had a long way to go, and her pride wasn’t strong enough to cause herself pain.
She’d never been so close to a man before. Even when she was growing up on the ranch and she wrestled with the neighborhood boys, it had been different, more playful. This felt a lot more intimate. She could feel the muscles in his arms wrapped around her. She looked down at them and saw how muscular they were as he expertly guided the horse forward. His thighs touched the back of her legs, and there was a tingling in the pit of her stomach.
“You never explained how you got into being a bounty hunter,” he said, breaking the silence that had fallen on them while riding. Luke was well out of earshot by now, far ahead. She would have preferred to sit in silence, but it seemed that Gray had other plans. He did appear interested to know how she got into this business.
She fiddled with the saddle horn in front of her, tapping her fingers on the hard leather. She’d never told anyone about her true self in all the years she’d been hiding. But Gray wasn’t going to turn her in for the reward money that was offered for the capture of Jessie Calhoun. It would put him and Luke in danger if he tried.
“I…” She started and stopped, the wish to share her story with someone nearly overwhelming her. “I guess I just kind of fell into it.”
“Fell into it?” There was disbelief in his voice, but she didn’t blame him for it. “Doesn’t seem like something many would choose to do, especially a woman. Surely there were other options.”
She shrugged with a nonchalance she didn’t feel. “True. I didn’t have much of a choice, though. I had to leave home unexpectedly. I grew up on a ranch and was handy on the property. So when I left, I started helping out on cattle ranches to make ends meet.”
She thought back to eight years ago … Almost a lifetime ago, it seemed. It was before she had become Kid Aaron, and before she had known what a bounty was. Her heart ached as she thought of easier times—when she didn’t have to worry about being found, or having to hide who she was.
Gray was listening, waiting for her to continue, so she kept going.
“I knew I wasn’t able to do that for long, and it wasn’t bringing in enough money. One day, one of the ranchers I was helping had some cattle stolen. I would lose my job if there was nothing for me to do, and it was my first solid job in months at that point. So I went after the thief. I found him and turned him in to the sheriff. The reward was a lot more than I made from cattle ranching.”
She laughed as the memories of that day came back to her. Especially her shock and amazement at how much she had made off that one cattle thief. It had seemed like so much money at the time. But now she was in a similar situation as she was before she’d caught that man. Now she needed to make more money, quickly, so she could retire. She wanted to live as normal a life as possible. She’d always have to hide from her father and the law. But she could have that life if she saved up enough to buy her own land as ‘Kid Aaron.’ Her heart squeezed at the thought. It seemed like a dream that was so far away.
“And that’s how it started for me,” she said, shaking off the sudden melancholy that surrounded her. “After that, I started going after anyone who stole cattle. That was the only thing I went for, until the reward for Luke presented itself.”
His grip around her tightened and in a clipped voice, he said, “You’ve only ever gone after cattle thieves?”
She couldn’t tell if it was anger, surprise, or something else she heard in his voice, and she didn’t want to look at him to gauge his reaction. His opinions didn’t matter. He didn’t know what she had been through.
“Why do you sound surprised?” she asked.
“Because that’s a big jump to go from cattle thieves to murderers.” His voice was rough and disapproving.
Shrugging again, she said, “Yeah, you guys are the first murderers I’ve gone after. Guess it could have turned out worse.” She kept her voice light, even though she was still worried about what they might do. They might have agreed to take her with them, but she didn’t know what would happen when they arrived, or what would happen before they got there.
“It really could have. You should go back to cattle thieves before you get yourself killed. Going after gunslingers and murderers isn’t something just anyone should do.”
He said it so matter-of-factly that she felt angry again. She didn’t know why his disapproval made her so upset. He was infuriating. He was a bull-headed, stubborn man who thought he knew what was best for everyone.
“I’m not just anyone,” she retorted. “I’ve been doing this longer than you can imagine, and I can handle myself.”
She was more than qualified to do what she wanted, and she felt the familiar heat rising in her chest at his disbelief in her.
“You’ve been going after cattle thieves for longer than I can imagine,” he said. “But not murderers.”
She snorted. “Well, you have to start somewhere, don’t you?” She spoke with a false bravado that she didn’t truly feel in her heart. In truth, she was scared to go after murderers. It was why she hadn’t up till now.
“But that doesn’t explain whyyou got into it. Or why you had to leave home unexpectedly.”
His slight change in topic surprised her. Weighing whether she should tell him or not, she decided there was no real harm in coming clean, since he couldn’t turn her in.
“My name is Jessie Calhoun,” she said in explanation. There were so many wanted posters up all across the West for her that she figured he’d know what it meant. But to her surprise, she felt him shrug, and he didn’t say anything.
“My father owns a ranch in Miles City. He had agreed to marry me off to one of our neighbors in exchange for erasing his debts to them. When I learned about it, I ran away from home. I took my horse, Willow, from the stables. But my father claimed I stole her. So now I’m wanted. I had to find a way to take care of myself. So here I am.”
She should be angry about that day, but even when it had happened, she had just felt numb. Her father had always hated her from before she could remember, so his actions hadn’t surprised her.
“Why not just marry someone else so you don’t have to run anymore?”
Jessie’s heart grew heavy. It seemed so simple, but she knew that the solution he posed to her was not something she would ever consider. She cast her eyes down and chewed on the inside of her lip. She’d always be alone in this life.
“Trust it to a man to try to think of the easiest solution,” she deflected. “I didn’t grow up in a home with love. It was just my father and me; he raised me from a young age. And he hated me. I don’t want to live a life like his, one where people around you are used to reach a goal.”
She thought back to her childhood. Gray wouldn’t understand growing up in a home like the one she did. What it was like when her father used her as a bargaining chip for whatever he wanted. How she felt when he came home drunk, and she’d hide from him and his rage. She’d learned at a young age that when he was drunk, she needed to avoid him at all costs, or she’d have to cover up the black eye he would give her.
“I wouldn’t put someone else through that,” she continued. “It’s what he had tried to do to me. If I was to get married, it would be to someone I loved and cared for, and not to avoid getting married off to someone else. But … it’s also hard to find love when you’re pretending to be a man.”
She felt him laugh before she heard it. A deep belly laugh that carried across the road they were traveling. She jumped at the unexpectedness of it—it was the first genuine laugh from him she’d ever heard. The laugh was so hard, it shook her body since she sat so close to his chest.
“What?” she asked as she grabbed the horn of the saddle and used it as leverage to turn around as far as she could, wanting to look at him for the first time on their ride.
He looked down at her, his eyes alight with amusement. It transformed his whole face, just as it had done to Luke’s. His amber eyes softened, and the smile he gave her almost melted her heart. When he was himself, truly happy, he was a whole new person.
She wondered how many others had been able to see him like this. Not many, if she had to guess.
Her gaze lingered on his for a little too long, and she quickly looked away before he caught her.
“Yes, it would be hard to find someone to be with if you’re pretending to be a man.”
His response was like a cold dash of water hitting her in the face. She snapped her head forward again and looked straight ahead. He was so aggravating.
“You think you know how to get out of my problem, like it’s so easy,” she said softly, her eyes narrowing. “But it’s not. And it’s not funny. I don’t appreciate you laughing about it. I can’t trust anyone with the truth. Can’t be myself, can’t find love like other girls.”
She felt a sense of betrayal. He was the first person she had told, and his casual dismissal hurt.
“True. It’s not funny that you’re having to go through that,” he relented in a soft tone. His hand reached for hers on the horn of the saddle. Her heart jumped to her throat and her stomach clenched at his rough, calloused touch. But it felt nice. Maybe he understood where she was coming from after all.
She rolled her neck to loosen the tension that had formed there, trying to brush off the anger. Not wanting to linger too long though, she withdrew her hand from under his.
He returned his hand to the reins before saying, “Though it is funny that here you are bringing in wanted men for the reward when there’s probably a nice reward on you as well. Maybe I’ll just bring you in myself.”
His threat didn’t worry her. “And risk getting found out? I don’t think that would be the smart thing to do.”
“Yeah.” He brushed the conversation aside. “It wouldn’t be the smart thing to do. That is true. Maybe you should just stop pretending to be a boy.”
She looked back at him in disapproval. As if that was a valid suggestion. He was just full of ideas that wouldn’t work.
“If I stop hiding my identity, there’s a one hundred percent chance my father will find me, and my life as I know it will be over.”
“You don’t know that,” he said. “You said you’ve been doing this for years, so maybe enough time has passed that they aren’t searching for you as intensely as they were in the beginning.”
She’d never considered that before, and she contemplated the possibility. There had been a large number of wanted posters for her arrest when she had first gone on the run, but over the years they had become fewer and fewer. She’d heard rumors that she was suspected to be dead. She’d run away so long ago, maybe they wouldn’t even recognize her anymore.
“And if you stop pretending to be a child bounty hunter, maybe you can find someone you want to be with.”
She thought she saw a glimmer of longing in his eyes for a second, as if maybe this was something he had wanted for himself as well. But in the blink of an eye, the glimmer was gone.
“I’ll think about it,” she said. She turned away again.
Virginia City started to come into view on the horizon, the buildings appearing larger as they got closer to the city. She wondered what she would find there. She’d have to outsmart Gray and Luke, and she hoped Butch didn’t kill them all before she got the chance to turn these two in.