Wylie #2
Diego’s face turned somber, eyes wide. Wylie hadn’t meant for it to sound so dramatic, and he didn’t want to scare Diego, so he simply barreled on.
“That last time we were together, right before I left. I shouldn’t have gotten so intense with you, knowing that I was about to leave.
It was selfish of me, to want that closeness without considering how it might affect you.
” It had been on his mind all week, how irresponsible he’d been, to take Diego so deep and then abandon him.
Diego stared back at him initially with confusion, and then something that looked like a deep affection. “I wanted that closeness,” he said.
“But afterward, you were upset, and I had to leave. And it fucking sucked,” Wylie said.
“Yeah, it did suck, but you made me feel better. Besides, I wouldn’t have wanted it any different.”
“Promise you’re not just saying that to make me feel better?” Wylie asked.
“I promise,” Diego said and made the Sign of the Cross across his wide chest.
“I want you to know that when we do that sort of thing, or did, when I’m in your head like that, I don’t want to do any damage or make you doubt yourself. I’m not trying to manipulate you. I just want to make you feel good.”
Diego smiled. Damn, Wylie missed that smile. He wished he were there holding him right now. Facetime sucked, Gainesville sucked, all of it just… sucked.
“I know. It just hit me then, that you were leaving. Everything felt so final, our last time. A lot of emotions all at once, you know?”
Wylie wanted to tell him that it didn’t have to be their last time, simply one of many, stretching on into the future without any endpoint, but he hadn’t called Diego with the intention of making any demands.
“Well, thanks for understanding,” Wylie said.
“Of course. Don’t be so hard on yourself. We’re still figuring it out, aren’t we?”
“Yeah.” Wylie nodded, trying not to read too much into it.
They stared at each other a moment longer, the silence weighted with everything neither of them were willing or brave enough to say, until at last, Diego asked, “So, how’s school been?”
“Sucks,” Wylie said, choosing not to give some rosy version of things.
He’d put on a brave face for Nancy and Hannah, but Diego’s BS detector was always on point, and he needed someone to vent to.
He then launched into all of his complaints, ranging from the torts professor who was a petty bitch to the weird smell in his apartment, which seemed to have no source, to the fact that he now had to figure out a way to feed himself three times a day, every day.
“What’s so funny?” Wylie demanded because much to his chagrin, Diego was laughing.
“You’re just so used to getting your way. To people caving and spoiling you and to school being easy. How much did you need to study in high school or college? Be honest.”
Wylie considered lying but didn’t. “Not much.”
“Exactly, welcome to the world of us normies. I know it may not seem like it right now, but this is probably good for you, having to work for it. Builds character.”
Wylie huffed at that because Diego just wasn’t getting it.
All of that he could handle if he wasn’t also dealing with this crushing, soul-sucking loneliness.
And it wasn’t just Diego that he missed, it was Nancy and Hannah and all of his homies at the Village, Pamela and Rita and the pit crew too.
All of those people added color and excitement to his life.
They gave him stability and purpose. Now, everything was just so gray and blah that Wylie was finding it difficult to stay motivated.
“Are you getting out at all? Going to parties or whatever it is that law students do?” Diego asked.
“I go to the library a lot.” Even though his apartment was deathly silent, it only served to remind him just how alone he truly was.
At least there were other people at the library.
He kept hoping to find a kindred spirit there, someone he could study with, or complain to about his classes.
“The day-to-day is harder than I thought it would be. Don’t tell Nancy but I bought a vape today.
Best I’ve felt since I got here,” Wylie confessed.
Diego nodded sympathetically. “I know it’s a hard adjustment.”
“Really hard,” Wylie insisted.
“When I saw that picture of you in that nice suit, I could see your future laid out so clearly. So bright and shiny. Big job, nice house, dinner parties, all that.”
Wylie glanced over at his closet where his nice suit still hung in its protective plastic covering. Diego had never commented on that photo of him, except to give it a thumbs-up. “Where are you in all of that?” Wylie asked, deciding to take the risk.
Diego looked surprised by the question and took a moment to consider it, during which time Wylie hung there in suspended silence. “Probably the guy doing your catering,” he finally said.
Wylie frowned because that meant they were practically strangers again. “The only thing missing from that picture is you in a nice suit, standing right there beside me. And having a catering business sounds like a great career move for you.”
Diego smiled, a little sadly. “Guess I suffer from a lack of imagination.”
“Maybe you should fix that,” Wylie said, hoping the man might take a hint.
Diego changed the subject then, to what was going on at the pit, who was dating who and what new scandals had erupted.
It seemed the serving crew were covering the takeout counter until a permanent person could be hired.
“We all miss you, obviously,” Diego said, lumping himself into that same category, as if he was just another coworker at the pit.
“What about Cody? You seen him around?” Wylie asked.
The pit and its surrounding neighborhood, which included Diego’s apartment complex, had been Cody’s haunt, and Wylie had often spotted him at the gas station nearby or riding his bike around town.
Wylie didn’t want Cody giving Diego any more trouble.
“Nope. Not once,” Diego said.
“Where do you think he is?”
“No idea.”
“But he hasn’t come back to the pit?”
“No, and everyone knows about it.”
“Any new hot men in your life?” Wylie asked, breaking his vow to play it cool.
Diego grinned a little. “Nope. Why do you ask?”
“You know why,” Wylie said, depressed by the mere thought of it.
“Do you think you’d be so easy to replace?” Diego’s expression turned soft and tender, which only served to confuse him even more.
“I don’t know. Maybe.” Wylie was practically begging for validation, his confidence at an all-time low. He didn’t like this messy, needy version of himself, not at all.
“You’re not. You’re irreplaceable.” Diego released a long, drawn-out sigh. There was only so much Wylie could read into it, and even that felt risky.
“Well,” Wylie said into the lengthening silence.
“You’re going to make it, Wy. You can do this. I know you can.”
“Thanks,” Wylie said hollowly, feeling depleted by the pep talk rather than inspired. Diego might be right that he could do it, but he still didn’t want to do it alone.
“Talk soon?” Diego asked when it seemed neither of them were going to say anything more.
“Sure,” Wylie said with a despondent sigh.
They ended the call and Wylie stared into space for another twenty minutes. Despair sat like days-old pizza in the pit of his stomach, and he had absolutely no idea what to do about it.