Chapter 4
FOUR
Danika
Instant regret trickles in after hitting send. I should have called instead. But I don’t get to dwell on it too much because my phone starts ringing.
It’s Jules.
After my hello, her kind, bubbly voice sounds in my ear. “I hope me calling you is okay,” she says, a little apprehension in her voice.
I bite my bottom lip. I’m not upset, but I am nervous about putting myself out there. “I hope it’s okay that I texted you. Didn’t want to intrude on your morning. I’m sure you’re busy,” I say in response, my voice equally as timid.
“No. I’m glad you did! Everyone was just having breakfast.”
Something inside of me warms. Is that what it’s like to have a family? “That sounds… really nice.” I swallow away the painful memories that seemed to have faded over time.
Her voice softens. “It really is.” There’s a beat of silence before it fills again. “So, I was thinking… if you want… maybe you’d like to swing by the clubhouse today? I haven’t mentioned this to Tequila because I didn’t want to put pressure on you, but I know she’d be super excited to see you.”
What if all of this is a step backward and it makes the healing process worse? But I’m tired of playing the game of what ifs and I do want to see her.
I pause briefly giving it one more thought. “I like that idea,” I say, stirring my coffee as I sit at the small kitchen table my roommate snagged at a thrift store. “But…” I hesitate, already feeling embarrassed. “I don’t have a car and—”
“Say no more! I’ll pick you up. Chloe’s at school and I’m free all day. Just text me your address.”
“The bus is fine. I don’t want to put you out.
” Even though it’s not fine, heat rises on every part of my face.
Here I am, at the age of twenty-seven, and I don’t have my own means of transportation.
It’s not that I can’t afford a cheap a car, but who needs one when the only places I go are the grocery store and work.
Being out and around others is too vulnerable.
To be honest, my job is mediocre, and my life is embarrassing.
“You’re not or I wouldn’t have offered. I’ll come after breakfast so don’t forget to send me your address. I’ll see you soon!” She hangs up before I have a chance to respond.
Okay. I’m doing this. I am going to see the woman who I befriended while being held captive. No big deal. Except it is a big deal. And I can’t ignore the deep hammering in my chest.
I shower quickly, do my hair in loose curls, and pick out my favorite jeans and sweater.
It’s not so much the fact of seeing her after all this time, but the idea of not knowing how I’ll feel when I do see her.
It was such a traumatizing experience for us that I swore I’d pack everything away having to do with that time of my life.
Never reopen that box. Yet here I am. But something draws me to them, and I can’t simply ignore the pull.
Perhaps this is part of moving forward. And it doesn’t mean I have to stay connected.
Maybe this will be the closure I need to seal it up and never look back.
My phone buzzes and it’s Jules letting me know she’s downstairs.
Outside, the cold hits me and I hug my arms around myself. Jules waits at the curb, but she’s not alone. Charger flashes me with a warm smile from the driver's side of their SUV and she waves to me from the passenger side.
Her window goes down and she shrugs. “I can’t seem to ever get rid of him, he’s stuck to me like glue.” She chuckles and I smile. “Hop in.”
Not a minute into the drive Jules turns around as best she can with her belly. “You live across the street from the diner. That’s so awesome! I’m surprised we don’t remember seeing you in there before…” Jules visibly winces while Charger passes her a quick glance. “I mean—”
“Before me and Tequila got kidnapped and held against our will.” It’s better to address the elephant in the room. “I knew what you meant.” I smile, letting her know there’s no hard feelings. “The diner does have good food. Thomas is a great cook.”
Jules flashes me with an apologetic smile. “Well, we know to look for the terrific server who Chloe loves. She’s been asking about you since yesterday.”
Really?
Someone cares about me that much.
I shy away with a faint smile.
The rest of the drive is quiet, which I’m thankful for. Conversation makes me anxious. Funny, because it never had before.
When we pull up to the clubhouse, my stomach drops. To be this nervous is crazy. I don’t know Tequila except for the little time we did share together but she was kind and caring. She always made sure I was okay.
I join Charger and Jules at the front of the car, nervously toying with the side of my hair.
It’s the not knowing and the anticipation.
The unknown of what it’ll be like to see Tequila again.
But the soul crushing thoughts seem to slow when I spot her standing at the door to the MC looking as fidgety as I am.
Her smile grows with excitement, and I match her energy.
Throttle, her boyfriend (or ol’ man) as they call it, is there beside her.
He stands with confidence and certainty.
Like a watch dog and I bet it’s reassuring and safe.
Charger and Jules disappear inside, and me and Tequila close the distance between us.
She starts first. “I practiced this all morning. On what I would say.” She lets out a nervous chuckle, me trying to control my breathing.
“I’m just so happy you’re here and that you’re okay.
You are okay, right?” She turns worrisome for a second probably remembering her promise to me.
A promise if I was ever in trouble—the MC would help.
“I’m getting there. And I’m doing okay.” I smile and she returns the friendly gesture. She’s just as stunning as I remember. They all are. And their kindness is what makes them even more beautiful.
“Thank God.” Her shoulders relax. “Can I give you a hug or would that be weird?”
The giggle I release surprises us both, the tiny crack in my hard exterior. I go for it first, and we end up wrapping our arms around each other so tightly it’s like we’re each other’s lifelines for the moment. Bearing the other’s pain.
It feels good, natural, and not at all odd. Hugging Tequila is like hugging a sister I never had. It’s an unfamiliar feeling but one I can get used to.
At some point, Throttle must have gone inside because we’re alone.
“Do you think about it a lot?” she asks me, on the porch of the clubhouse, while still holding onto me tightly.
“Every day,” I whisper. “But I stopped crying myself to sleep.” My heart is in my throat and before I know it, I start to cry.
Tears fall dampening Tequila’s sweater, but I don’t try to push them back.
I accept the emotion. It feels good to cry like this.
To have someone who understands a little of what I went through.
I never spoke of it until now really. And I think because of that…
this cry is different. It’s a good different. Relieving.
We fall to the ground, still in each other’s embrace and we weep. Cry. Not just for ourselves but for each other. It’s cleansing despite the small twinge of pain from my scar. My mind enters a more relaxed state.
I’ve never had close friends, and I owe Tequila for giving me the ability to try to be more open about that. Being a partier, people only stuck around because you were the fun one.
When we finally let go of each other and pull away, we laugh, wiping away the tears.
“Shit. This wasn’t how I wanted this to go,” she tells me with a crying laugh.
“Me either.” I sniffle, giving my cheek another wipe using the sleeve of my sweater. “But I’m not complaining.” To be able to cry with someone who understands is an incredible relief. “I am sorry though.”
She looks confused, her brows scrunching together. “For what?”
I take in a deep breath. “For being so mean to you inside the warehouse. I think I went into defense mode.” I recall how rude I was to her when all she wanted to do was comfort me. Tell me her name. Be friends because we had no idea what would happen to us.
“Don’t ever apologize to me. You were being tortured, Danika. Being—”
“Thank you,” I cut her off not wanting her to have to finish her sentence, already knowing where it was going.
She smiles sheepishly. “It’s been a long few months, and I’m happy you’re here. Do you want to come inside? I’m not sure if you drink, but this may call for a glass of wine if you do. We don’t have anything fancy, but it does the trick.”
I don’t drink much but a glass of something to better numb the past sounds fantastic.
“I’d like that.”
We both stand and she lets out a relieved breath. “Ready?” She takes my hand, and I nod.
“Ready.”
Inside, I pause at the door taking in the surroundings. There’s no denying it’s a biker club. The posters, the leathers, the bar. And well… the bikers.
It’s not him. They aren’t like them.
The constant need to keep reminding myself is exhausting.
Tequila waits for me, standing patiently. “Would you like to sit at the bar? I’ll grab us some glasses.”
I nod and she scurries behind the counter with a smile on her face that she can’t seem to mask.
Throttle walks over just as I sit down at one of the stools. “Danika, right?” He joins me in the empty seat to my right being sure to give me space which I appreciate.
“I guess I’m a bit famous around here,” I stiffly greet. There’s still an unsureness when I talk to men, but he’s not like them, I remind myself.
His expression is a mix between pity and unease. “You survived. You made it out.”
I did. Thanks to him and his MC. “I want to thank you for what you and your club did for me.”
He locks eyes with mine. “It’s nothing but a thing.” He leans back with a nod. “It’s what we do. Me and my girl are just glad you’re doing okay.”
Tequila glances at us with a proud smile then continues pouring the wine into our glasses.
“I’m doing… better.” Which isn’t a lie.
Tequila sets down my wine first. “Have I said how excited I am that you’re here? I feel like I did. But just in case, I am so freakin’ glad. And please, visit as much as you’d like. Oh! Angel does self-defense classes at the gym next door. We can go together if you’d like and—”
“My rose, you know I find your nervous chatter cute as hell but don’t overwhelm the poor girl.” Throttle sneaks up beside her and plants a tender loving kiss to her temple.
I blush but can’t look away.
“Sorry. He’s right. I do tend to ramble on. But it’s only because I’m really excited to have you here.”
I let out a small laugh, my mind shifting to the self-defense classes she had mentioned. I perk up at the thought of being able to defend myself. “I would love to try that actually.” My posture straightens with a little more confidence.
“What’s that?”
“The classes. Learning to kick ass might help me.”
Her grin widens and she looks almost proud. “Good. We can go together. But that’s for another time. Today…” She holds up her glass, and we clink them together. “Today we celebrate. Cheers to a new day and rekindling a friendship.”
Emotions come swirling back, but I swallow them away. “Cheers,” I say with more positivity than I’ve had in a while.
She talked. I listened. I talked and she listened.
There’s a deep connection between us. Probably because I don’t know anyone else who’d gone through what I did.
Sure, she was lucky enough to not have to experience a man raping her repeatedly in more ways than I’d ever want to remember, but she was still there.
It was calming. And to be honest, I was glad it was me and not her.
Her world is too good—too positive and the thought of her being brought down in such a horrific way, makes me sick. So, for that, I’d gladly take the pain.
Tequila gives me the grand tour of the clubhouse.
Behind it sits the pit, an older building that looks more like a basement above ground but apparently it’s where they hold their underground fights.
She mentions how good Charger is at the MMA style and invites me to watch one day.
Maybe, but witnessing two guys violently beating the crap out of each for fun doesn’t sit right with me.
Not yet anyway.
Then she shows me the gym. A more modern, newer building that sits directly next to their clubhouse. I must admit, it can win for best looking gym around town. You’d never know these guys come from a hardcore biker club.
“It’s great, isn’t it? Tank owns it but I’d say Angel is here the most. She’s like a badass barbie who wears leather.
” We both chuckle. It is crazy awesome, her being patched in and everything, because from what Tequila tells me, that’s not ever allowed.
“She holds her classes here. Like I said, you’re more than welcome to attend.
She’s awesome at teaching and it might help you feel better.
” Learning how to protect myself would make me feel better.
I’ll give her that. She then leads me up the small pathway to another building.
“This is the shop. All the guys put their time in here. But mostly, my man, Tank, and Hush are the regulars. When Tank isn’t managing the gym that is.
” She waves for me to follow. “Want to see inside? If it’s too much—”
“No. I’ll be okay.”
She’s including me in her world and for a moment, my chest warms in gratitude for her giving me this. A piece of her. It’s a comfort, a way to get to know her and I’ll take all I can get.
As Tequila goes to reach for the door, someone on the other side holds it open for her, but they must not have seen me because when it’s my turn to enter, I collide into their hard body.
To keep myself from falling back onto my ass, I fist both hands into their sweatshirt and pull myself forward, directly into their stone like chest.
A man.
It’s a reflex—now a natural reaction and I start to panic. From my chest tightening to the unsettling sourness in the pit of my stomach.
Though, I’m not the only one to grow stiff as a board because I feel the way his muscles tighten under my touch as he keeps his arms tightly at his sides.
I dart my head up to get a good look at him and when my stare meets his, a recognition slams into me. His piercing dark gaze is trapping mine. But I know those eyes. That blank yet forceful stare.
It’s the man who got me out.