Chapter 32
THIRTY-TWO
Danika
“I don’t mean to sound like a total lame ass or anything but… can I tell you something?
“Anything.” The raspiness of his voice sends goosebumps down my arms.
Here it goes. “You heal me. You heal every single part of me.” I observe our interlocked fingers as we lay naked in bed, my head resting on Liem’s shoulder. I chuckle, a steady heat rising from my ears to my face but when I glance up, he’s not laughing.
“You heal me too, butterfly. More than you’ll ever know.”
I smile, the warmth seeping into my chest. “Is that okay? To think of someone as healing?” I wait, while Liem reaches up and brushes his lips to my fingers.
“There’s a lot wrong in this world but leaning on someone to guide them through it, is not one of them.”
I nestle closer smelling the musk of sex on his skin. “Can I tell you something else?”
This time he does chuckle. “Yes.”
I prop myself up on my elbow, studying the way his messy strands lay gently on his forehead. “I’ve never talked about that night. The night they took me.”
His full attention is on me, moving from the ceiling and never leaving my eyes. “You’ve never told anyone?”
I shake my head. “No.” I take a deep breath then let it out. “I’d like to talk about it, if that’s all right?”
Liem nods, his brows squeezing together.
And then I begin, “I worked at a corner store like ten blocks from my apartment. It was always a little sketchy but my ex-boyfriend at the time knew the owner.” Liem’s jaw moves, and he swallows harshly.
I give his hand a reassuring squeeze before continuing, “The owner was always good about not letting me work the night shifts alone. But that night, my coworker got sick, and he went home early…” I pause, trying to find the rest of my words.
“Leaving you there by yourself.”
“Mhm. I had this feeling someone was following me home. I could hear the leaves crunching behind me. A sound I’d hear in my nightmares.” I take a breath. “One guy grabbed me from behind and the other, put a towel over my face with some kind of chemical that made me pass out.”
“Chloroform,” Liem grinds out, a tone filled with raw anger. I’d be afraid if I didn’t know him.
“The next thing I remember was waking up in the warehouse. In a damn cage like a fucking dog. I fought so hard, Liem. I did. I really, really did. But there came a point where I was too tired to fight anymore.”
He pulls me closer, his scent calming me. “Shh… I know, my beautiful Danika. I know.”
“The first time he… the first time he raped me… it was as if my soul was floating above my body. Watching in horror. But not being able to do a damn thing bout it. And by the third, fourth, even fifth time, I learned to block it out. Switch into this mode where I’d let myself become numb because the more I fought him, the longer and rougher he’d be. ”
My tears land on Liem’s chest and he sucks in a tense breath, trying to mask the fury he’s feeling because I’ve done the same so many times.
“If I’d had found him, I would have killed him.”
I reach up to touch his face. “I know. And that’s why I have to tell you this, too.”
Hush
She soothes me with her warm touch, when it’s me who should be the one comforting her. Hearing what she went through makes me want to carve out his fucking heart.
For her.
For her pain.
For her suffering.
It’s all enough to reawaken the once loud voice inside me. When she’s around it’s silent. Her presence wards off the bad and I’m a selfish bastard for wanting more of it. Peace is a foreign feeling but it’s a sustenance my body now desires.
She rubs circles around the butterfly inked on my hand, and I wait for whatever it is she’s about to tell me. My heart doesn’t race, my breathing doesn’t falter because whatever it is, I don’t care. I know where I want to be and that’s with her.
“You said your previous relationship… her name was Gracie?” She winces.
At the mention of her name, my heart stutters. Shit. “Yes. Her name was Gracie.” I didn’t mean for it to come out sounding like a sad song, but Danika notices and she moves away into a sitting position, the bed sheet dropping to her lap, exposing her perfectly round breasts.
She doesn’t go to hide them from me, and it’s like a knife to the heart because I don’t deserve such trust.
As her hair falls over her shoulder, she bites down on her bottom lip. “My parents died when I was twenty-one.” She stops, not daring to look at me.
Why isn’t she looking at me?
In my now sitting position, I reach for her chin, lifting it gently. “You can tell me. Whatever it is, you can tell me all of it.”
Her eyes flash with worry. An unsettling concern. “I should have told you sooner, but I wasn’t sure if it was even real. I mean, how could it be real?” The strain in her voice carries and I stare with the same strain.
“Danika—”
“I lied to you.”
I tilt my head, studying her with confusion. My pulse quickening.
“I saw the photo in your room that day. When you asked if I’d touched any of your things, I said no. And I lied.”
I swallow harshly. “I don’t understand—”
“I knew Gracie.”
Time stops.
The world stops.
And I’m left frozen.
“I grew up in Oregon. That’s where you’re from, right? Where you and Gracie met?”
I don’t understand. I don’t fucking understand. I’m not able to focus on anything else except the guilt in her words. My breathing picks up as I run my fingers through my hair.
Why?
Why?
Why?!
“Don’t you dare make up some bullshit to play with me.”
She jerks back as if I’d struck her. “I’m not playing games with you, Liem. I swear—”
“So what? You’ve been keeping this a secret from me ever since. Was it funny to you?”
“No. No of course not.” She reaches for my hand, but I pull it away leaving her full of remorse. “Let me get this out, please.”
My skin turns to fire, and my breathing is growing more difficult by the second.
“There was a woman—a nurse—at the hospital the night my parents died. I had so many emotions running through me as I sat there alone. Confused. Asking myself why did this happen to me? Why me?” She cries and I want to wipe her tears away, but I don’t. I fucking don’t.
Run.
I grind my teeth, tug at my hair to get some type of feeling through me. Anything.
“Then there was Gracie. She was so beautiful, and kind and she came to me like an angel. She sat there with me. Holding me while I cried. And I thought, whoever this woman is, she must be special because who would do that for a stranger?”
Gracie. Gracie would.
My mind turns to fog as the room grows smaller, and Danika’s voice fades away.
“She told me whenever I was feeling afraid, to say her name. And that’s been my saving grace for so many years now.
” Tears flow down her pale cheeks. “I don’t believe in miracles, but I do believe the universe works in mysterious ways and I feel deep down in my heart, she brought me to you. She brought us together.”
My breath catches and an overwhelming panic hits me. My attention darts in every which direction as the room turns suffocating. I can’t breathe. I have to get out of here. I need to leave.
Run.
I jump out of the bed, pulling the sheets with me.
“Liem!” Danika shouts as I stumble out of the bedroom, clinging onto the wall for support.
Somehow, I’m able to pull my clothes on, only to be grabbed by a soft touch.
“Wait, Liem. Stop.”
I do but my focus stays on the floor. I can’t look at her.
She betrayed me.
Lied to me.
Played me.
“You can hate me all you want. But you can’t deny she brought us together. It wasn’t a coincidence, Liem. We needed each other and she was our lifeline.” She cups my face with her naked body standing before me. “Look at me.”
But I don’t.
I can’t and I’m reminded of why I shouldn’t be here. It’s a betrayal to be with another woman.
My heart thumps in my ears and my stomach twists with nausea.
She drops her hand and steps back. “I lost you. Haven’t I?” she whispers.
With my heart in my throat, I finally look into her crushed soul. I’ve caused that. I did that. “I was never found.”
Lie. A fucking Lie.
Shock takes over her stunning features.
I’m so fucking sorry.
But I don’t say it aloud. I drop my head and take off, leaving behind the only thing that has mattered to me in so long. Leaving behind the woman I thought I could have loved.