Chapter 18 Evie
EVIE
Ifinally get to the part of the story where Keaton came to the diner.
I get to the part where seeing him for that one moment gave me the strength to ask for help.
Where I finally realized that I deserved so much more.
And that I didn’t have to live like that.
When I look at her, sweet Sawyer is crying.
She sniffs and wipes her eyes, and I reach out to grab her hand.
“Wow,” she says. “I can’t imagine being stuck like that,” she says. “And of being afraid in your own home.”
I swallow.
The fear I let myself live in is something I’ve felt deeply ashamed of for a very, very long time.
“I hope you’re proud of yourself, Evie,” Sawyer says. I look up at her. Her big brown eyes are full of hope and wonder. My eyebrows knit together. “You knew you deserved better, and you are finally giving it to yourself.”
I give her a nervous chuckle and shrug.
“I don’t know about that,” I say. “I saw a way out, which ended up being Keaton, and I took it. Not sure that counts as being brave.”
She scoots closer to me, putting her hand on mine. And I’m wondering how this woman, who is more than ten years my junior, is making me feel so safe right now. Her eyes bore into mine as she looks at me intently.
“It doesn’t matter what finally made you feel safe enough to leave. It just matters that you left. And in that, if you happen to realize what real love looks like, then even better. And if not, then maybe you at least get your new-found-ex-best friend back.”
I smile and nod.
“It is good to have him back,” I say. “Those Everett boys are really something.”
She makes this long-winded, “Mm-hmm,” sound as she sips her tea and nestles back into the couch.
“I’m so worried about Julian,” she says. “I know he can handle everything in a practical way, but I just don’t know if he knows how to handle it emotionally. I’m sure you know better than I do that those boys were never exactly given permission to be vulnerable.”
I nod, thinking back to the time I heard Cato tell Keaton he was “weak” for choosing to major in social and environmental studies instead of business or law.
“You got that right,” I say. I look at her, lost in her thoughts over Julian.
It’s sweet, really, watching how much she thinks about him even when he’s not near us.
And for her to be so much younger but so much more mature when it comes to…
well, most things. It’s impressive, really.
“He’s lucky he has you, though. You’re right that no one ever gave them permission to be vulnerable.
Their mom was as sweet as they come, but unfortunately, when you’re married, and then un-married, to the richest man in the world, you don’t exactly have equal power when it comes to child-rearing.
She did the best she could. But I think—lucky for Julian—that you are doing a pretty good job of picking up where she left off.
” She looks up at me, one eyebrow raised.
I smile. “I’ve known that man since I was fifteen years old,” I tell her.
“And not once have I ever seen him display even a minimal amount of affection. He shows his love in other ways. He didn’t take his hands off you down there.
He is letting himself need you. You’re good for him, Sawyer. ”
She smiles.
“He’s good for me too. But I don’t know if I will ever get used to this money thing. It’s not just like getting a good job, you know? It’s like having so much that you can’t possibly even wrap your head around it. And maybe that’s a good thing. Because who knows how long it will last after this.”
I nod.
“Yeah,” I say. “But it's up to us to show them that life will go on.”
She smiles.
“It sure will.”
We spend the next few hours watching episode after episode, when finally, we hear the padding of footsteps coming up the stairs. Sawyer reaches for the remote and turns it down, and we both sit up. Julian and Keaton walk into the room, both looking defeated and exhausted.
“You okay?” Sawyer says, slipping off the couch and making her way to Julian. He lets out a long sigh then wraps himself around her. She strokes the back of his head as she holds him, and it almost makes me teary-eyed. Keaton makes his way to me, and I cup his face in my hands.
“How bad is it?” I whisper. His big gray eyes meet mine.
“Bad,” he says. “She brought us written and recorded accounts from a few of the women. I don’t even… I can’t even bring myself to look at him.”
“That’s going to be a problem,” Julian says. “Because tomorrow is his seventieth birthday party at Bedell House. And we need to be there.”
Keaton’s eyes snap to Julian.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” he says. Julian shakes his head.
“Keat, if we don’t go, he will know something’s up. This has to stay completely under wraps until we have our way out.”
Keaton drops his head and blows out a long breath.
“I don’t know how the fuck I’m supposed to—”
“You’re supposed to think of the women he tricked into working for him and then basically pimped out to his buddies in order to get business. That’s how you’re supposed to do it,” Julian rasps.
“Easy,” Sawyer says to him, and I watch as Julian’s shoulders immediately drop. I turn to Keaton.
“I’ll go with you,” I say. His eyes jump back up to mine. “If you want me to. What better a distraction than the girl your dad never liked in the first place?”
This makes him smile, and I feel myself warm a little inside.
“That’s a good point,” Julian chimes in. “He never liked you. That’ll be a good focus for everyone for the night.”
Sawyer walks toward us and claps me on the back.
“He hates me too,” she says with a smile. “Look at us taking down the patriarchy!”
We laugh, but then I notice the worry in Keaton’s eyes. I give his arm a squeeze.
“Let’s go home and go to bed,” I tell him. He smiles as he looks down at me.
“Home,” he says, and it’s then that I realize what I just did. I referred to his apartment as “home.” And while I will spend the rest of the night thinking and overthinking it, I will let him soak it in. I need him to smile. I need him to feel lighter. And I’ll do that anyway I can.