2. Vanya #2
Finally, Tee was dressed, and Gerald walked us out to the valet stand.
The bachelor party had been held at a five-star hotel in downtown Diamond Cove.
We were in a well-lit area and there were people around, so I counted out Gerald’s cut and passed it to him without worrying about who would see it.
When the valet attendant pulled my car around, I hugged Gerald and Tee and got inside.
At a red light, I counted the money that I had left and smiled after counting $750.
I had done pretty good for it to be a private party.
Now, my rent would be paid with no late fee attached.
Something had to give though. I didn’t like stripping like some women did.
It made me feel sick, but it was a means to an end.
I just had to stay focused and do what I needed to do to be able to make it without dancing forever.
Tee had been dancing for five years. I didn’t even want to make it to one year, but it was easy to lose track of time and stay somewhere longer than intended.
I had always been referred to as nineties fine.
I didn’t like wearing makeup on my toasted brown skin.
I wore very natural looking lash extensions, and I didn’t want braces or veneers to close the slight gap between my two front teeth.
I had a broad ‘black girl nose’ and stood 5’8.
I was average size. Not overly thick but not skin and bones.
For a newer dancer, I made good money at the club and on nights the club was packed, I made just as much money as the curvier dancers.
It wasn’t all about a huge ass and thick thighs. I was sexy, desirable, and seductive.
At home, I showered and climbed into bed. I didn’t even want anything to eat. That was how tired I was. Money and sleep. Those were the two most important things in my life.
I woke with a start. Looking around the living room, I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Nevaeh.
She had fallen asleep on the other end of the couch watching Ms. Rachel.
I’d only been asleep for six hours when my next-door neighbor, Jan woke me up asking me if I could babysit.
She had tears in her eyes while she explained that if she missed another day of work in the next three months, she was going to lose her job.
Nevaeh’s deadbeat father usually babysat her, but Jan said he didn’t come home the night before.
Despite being tired, I didn’t want Jan to lose her job.
Nevaeh was wide awake, so I fixed the four-year old a bowl of cereal and cut up a banana for her.
After she ate, I sat on the couch, gave her a blanket, and turned on Ms. Rachel.
I wasn’t sure how long it took me to fall asleep, but I was glad she had decided to follow suit.
Checking the time, I saw that Jan had five more hours before she got off work.
I went into the kitchen to find something to prepare for Nevaeh’s lunch.
After deciding on a grilled cheese sandwich, apple slices, and chips, I went to work on the grilled cheese.
Jan was already living in my building when I moved in.
We became cool right away. She was a pretty, friendly, dark-skinned woman with the most beautiful thick hair.
Her afro was huge and if she ever straightened her hair, I was sure it would go past her bra strap.
Jan reminded me of India Arie. She always smelled of shea butter or coconut.
Her skin was radiant, and it always looked as if she was glowing.
She was a vegan with a kind heart and a genuine soul but for all of her good qualities, she had terrible taste in men.
I hated her boyfriend for her, but it wasn’t my business.
As long as I didn’t have anything to do, I’d watch Neveah anytime she wanted me to if that meant she’d get to keep her job.
There was something about women struggling that made my heart heavy.
Whether it was financially or mentally, I didn’t care for either scenario.
I had just finished with the grilled cheese when my phone rang.
Yes, I needed money, but when I saw that Tee was calling, I sighed.
Hopefully, she wasn’t inviting me to another private party.
It was very easy to see why a lot of the dancers had to be drunk or high in order to work.
Numbing myself to the situation didn’t seem like such a bad idea.
I would probably begin to tolerate it better, but I didn’t want to tolerate it.
That might make me comfortable enough to keep doing it past the time I told myself I would stop.
“Hey boo. What you doing?”
“Babysitting for my next-door neighbor.”
“Oh okay. Well, you remember the guy last night that had on the red jersey? He had the two French braids in his hair. He’s checking for you. What’s up?”
With a frown, I grabbed a paper plate from my pantry. “Why didn’t you tell me this last night when we left?”
“I kind of went back,” she replied in a sheepish tone. “When I went back, that’s when he told me. Everyone had left but him and Mike.”
“Tee,” I scoffed. “Mike that got married today? You went back for him?”
“Yeah. He wanted one last lil’ hoorah shit. He’s about to be having sex with the same woman for the rest of his life.”
My eyes narrowed as I listened to her bullshit justification. “Are you serious right now, Tee? That nigga got married today! That’s foul as fuck.”
“I’m not the moral police, babe. That man was the one getting married. He owed shorty loyalty not me. He was paying like he weighed, so if he wanted one last fling, that’s what it was.”
“I’m not interested in his friend.” Abruptly, I changed the subject. There was no reasoning with Tee, and she was grown and men, men were trifling as fuck.
“Girl, stop acting like an old ass maid. That man is fine as hell. Shit, lowkey, I would have rather fucked with him than Mike.”
“What’s stopping you? You aren’t the moral police, remember?”
“Van,” Tee sighed as if I was exhausting her. “Just live a little. Have some fun. Everything doesn’t have to be so deep.”
“Nevaeh is waking up. I’ll call you back,” I lied. Nevaeh wasn’t waking up, and I wasn’t calling her back.
Tee’s mother and my mom were sisters. We had been close all our lives, and I loved her.
But the older we got, we had two different personalities and liked different things, and that was okay.
I was too stressed to be going on adventures with her like we were Thelma and Louise.
I needed to get my life together, and that shit didn’t involve a man at the moment.
I hadn’t been in a relationship in two years, and I didn’t miss being in one.
I was with my ex for five years and just like with Tee, I felt we were on two different pages.
He would rather party, and smoke weed than pay bills.
I hated the way people had normalized struggle and living paycheck to paycheck.
Why the fuck did I want to be up in the club with less than $100 to my name? What was I celebrating?
My ex liked to accuse me of looking down on him or acting like his mother.
After he said it one too many times, I chalked it up to he wasn’t ready to grow up, and I couldn’t be bothered.
I’d rather struggle alone any day than to be struggling in a relationship because my partner lacked drive.
Rushing to the bathroom, I showered and got dressed as quickly as I could.
My timing was spot on because as I was brushing my teeth, I heard Nevaeh coughing.
Easing into the living room, I peeked at her.
“Hi,” I greeted her with a grin, and she smiled bashfully. “You ready to eat?”
Nevaeh nodded, and I got her situated in the kitchen, before going back to finish getting ready. Removing my silk scarf, I inspected my head to make sure there wasn’t one hair out of place. I then ran a paddle brush through the twenty-five-inch ponytail that was attached to my hair.
When I was done, I sat on the couch and watched Nevaeh eat.
Staring at her made me think about having kids of my own.
It was hard for me to find a boyfriend that was worth shit.
I couldn’t imagine it would be easy trying to have a man good enough to procreate with.
I had enough trouble just taking care of myself.
I couldn’t imagine adding a kid to the mix and not having support from the father.
Just the thought left a bad taste in my mouth.
Maybe one day, I’d get it together. Maybe all the trials and tribulations I faced was God’s way of strengthening my character and making me wiser.
Or maybe it was all just wishful thinking.
Whatever the reason for my hardships were, I prayed I found a way out of them quick, fast, and in a hurry.
Dancing was only a temporary fix because dancing for the next five years wasn’t an option. Fuck no.