Chapter 30
Rob
I’d been naked with Danny mere hours ago, but that felt different. Now, as I stood in a hotel with him, all my fears reappeared.
Fear of inadequacy.
Fear of failing.
Fear of feeling too much.
Fear of not feeling enough.
As I took him in, though, that particular fear slipped away. I felt…everything. Nervous. Anxious. Treasured. When he advanced, I held my ground. The hotel had a fantastic ocean view—and of course Colin had chosen that for us. I didn’t care about the vast expanse of water outside. All that mattered was in this room. What we could do for each other. To each other.
Even Hallie and Thomas slipped into the back of my mind. There, to be sure, in a treasured place. The last picture James had sent was of everyone eating vanilla ice cream before bed. Definitely not something we did every day. Danny loved treating the kids, but he understood if you gave something every day then it wasn’t a treat.
Had I thought I could push my kids to the back of my mind?
Not a chance.
“Hey.” Danny, having removed his dinner jacket, moved into my space. He’d dressed up even more than I had, but that hadn’t mattered. Nothing mattered except what happened to me every time he was in my space.
“Hey back.” I tried to quell my anxiety.
Telegraphing his movements, he reached out to feather my hair, then to run his hand down my face to cup my cheek.
I leaned into his touch. Craved more. Didn’t know how to express my needs.
“I could ask you if you’re sure.” His dark-brown eyes sparkled. “But you checked us in.”
A laugh burst from my chest. That was true.
“But that doesn’t mean you can’t call a halt to this at any point. You say no and everything stops. No recriminations. No disappointments. Either we talk about it at the moment, or we discuss it later. But everything ceases.”
I tilted my head. “You realize that goes for you as well, right?”
He grinned. “Yeah. And I could confidently point out I’ve never had to call things off, but that would not only be arrogant, but would give you the wrong idea. I get that things don’t always go the way you want. Sometimes body parts do things unexpected.”
“Like farting in bed?”
“Especially farting in bed.” He winked, then the smile slipped a little. “I’m glad you get it. And you can fart in my bed anytime.”
“Okay, this is like, the unsexiest talk ever.” I couldn’t help grinning.
“Sure.” He raised his other hand and suddenly cupped both my cheeks. “But you’re smiling, and we’ve come to an understanding.”
“Body parts do things unexpected,” I repeated.
“Yep.” Our gazes held. “And I’d like to kiss you now.”
I hesitated.
He cocked his head.
“I’m issuing blanket permission. Like you said, I can withdraw my consent at any time. I trust you not to push too far, but if you do, I’ll speak up.”
“So I can kiss you.”
“I wish you would.”
And so he did. A gentle pressing of lips. This was how we usually did things—he’d ease me into it. Rare were the times we clawed at each other. I appreciated the languidness of our affection. We had all the time in the world. Well, part of me knew that wasn’t true, but the rest of me decided we were in our early twenties and we could pretend immortality. He’d signed the papers so if something happened to me, he’d take the kids. James had popped the documents over to Wynn Cavanah on his way home after lunch. One more safety measure Danny had given me.
Danny ran his hand down my back, then squeezed my ass through the khaki pants. “Want you,” he murmured.
“And you’ll have me.”
He pulled away, with his glazed and unfocused eyes. “I want you to fuck me. If you’re comfortable with that. I mean, blow jobs first, but?—”
“I’ve never done that. I’ve always…”
“But you hinted you wanted to try being on top.”
Heat crawled up my chest and into my cheeks all the way up to my hairline. “You remember that?”
“Babe, I remember everything you’ve ever said to me. We were a little kiss-drunk, and you admitted you’d always wanted to try it.”
I blinked. “I do. And you…?”
“I’m as vers as they come. Trust me, I’ve done it just about every way possible.”
I laughed. “You know, I believe you.”
“As you should.” He tried for faux officiousness, but broke into giggles. “I’m glad you’re not holding my extensive experience against me.”
“Well, as long as you don’t hold my lack of experience against me.”
“Never.” He said the word as a solemn vow.
“Then we’re good.” I reached for the buttons on his pale-blue shirt and slowly undid them one at a time.
“You’re going to kill me.”
I chuckled. “What a way to go.” When I finished with the buttons, I pulled the shirt from his pants, then slid my hands against his skin—from his belly, along his hipbone, to his back. I pulled him against me, laid my head against his heart, and inhaled his scent. A scent I’d become accustomed to. He didn’t add anything, so the aroma was just deodorant and something that was just…him. So comforting.
He wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on the top of my head. “You fit me perfectly.”
“I’m short.” I tried for a pout. The truth was that I’d ducked my head. When we both stood tall, the difference wasn’t too noticeable.
Or so you tell yourself.
Danny’s solidity drew me to him like a moth to a flame. I sought his warmth. His comfort. His strength.
“We don’t have to…” He let his words trail off.
I pulled back while still in his embrace. “Oh yes, we fucking do. You think I’ll be able to look James in the eye if I go back and haven’t fucked you?” I said the words with absolute solemnity.
The shock on Danny’s face as they sank in was priceless. Then he laughed. A guffaw that resonated through his chest to me. He wiped at his eyes. “You’re going to tell my brother that you fucked me?”
“Yep.” I might’ve been putting more bravado into the word than I felt, but something about this felt important to me. I’d very much sensed there were few secrets in the Reynolds family. And yeah, if I asked Danny to respect my privacy, he would. But James’s…discernment of my feelings for Danny had brought us to this moment. Somehow, I felt candor was important. And I'd find some way to make the gentle giant blush. For all his apparent audacity, he still had a strong sense of propriety. I very much got the sense the changes I saw in him from the time I’d met him were because of Colin. I’d never seen two people better matched. Except, perhaps, Mama and Daddy.
And, I hope, Danny and myself.
“I have to piss. When I come back, I want you naked in bed.” I gave him a stern look.
Danny had, quite boldly, put a bottle of lube and condoms on the nightstand when we’d arrived. In case, he’d said.
As if I’d consider not getting into bed with him. We’d discussed condoms, having both been tested, and both found negative. I just…wasn’t ready yet. Perhaps after tonight I’d have the courage.
He pressed a kiss to my lips, spun me toward the bathroom, then smacked my ass.
I mocked howled as I made my way out of the room. I only sort of needed to piss. More, though, I needed a moment to center myself. And the privacy to get undressed. Gerard would just order me to bed naked. I’d never undressed someone and somehow that felt even more intimate than the idea of penetrating him.
That’s nuts.
Probably. But, I could admit this was easier. I pissed, washed my hands, then removed all my clothes. I gently laid the shirt over the folded pants and was planning to hang it up when I got back into the bedroom. Instead, when I spotted a naked Danny on the bed, palming his erect cock, all thoughts of creased linen fled. I dropped my clothes right on the floor and hustled over to the bed. I knelt and crawled over to him. The beautiful expanse of brown skin—that I’d seen just this morning—held even more magnetism. “I’m going to touch.”
“I wish you would.” Amusement laced his voice. “I’m all yours.”
Mine. To have. To possess. To cherish. Vague notions of wedding vows flitted through my head as I crawled between his spread thighs. I touched his knees, then slowly drew my hands up to his hips, applying increasing pressure.
He moaned as his cock bobbed, a little drop of precum leaking on his belly where he had hair. The hair was sparse around his pecs, but arrowed downward all the way to his shaft, which stuck out from a nice bush. God, I loved the natural look.
I met his gaze. “May I…?” I indicated his cock.
“Oh, yeah.” His grin was positively infectious. To my relief, he didn’t show a slightest doubt. No moment of hesitation. No…nothing but clear eagerness. And although I expected nothing less, I appreciated having an enthusiastic hell fucking yes.
Slowly, I licked his tip. The salty precum tasted better than anything I could ever remember having savored.
He feathered his hand through my hair.
Emboldened, I licked around his tip.
His pelvis flexed, but he didn’t press farther into my mouth. Instead, he moaned.
With more confidence, I sucked him deeper.
“Yeah, babe, that’s perfect.”
I smiled as I hollowed my cheeks and raked my teeth along his length.
“Fucking hell.”
Again, he ran his hand through my hair. In such a gentle way, that I only gave a passing thought to how rough Gerard had been in comparison. Here, Danny was letting me set the pace. That gave me confidence to swallow him down.
“I’m coming, Rob. Pull off if?—”
I sucked harder.
He came.
Even though he’d warned me, I was surprised and nearly choked as I struggled to swallow it down. He continued to pulse in me as I kept sucking. That had been the fastest anyone had ever come. Well, there’d only been one other guy, and I was so sick of comparing the two men that I swore I’d never do it again. I knew that born-again virgins weren’t actually a thing, but I could pretend with Danny. That he was my first. That he was my only.
That he was my forever.
After he’d finished emptying in me, I laid my head against his pelvis and gently played with his fuzzy balls.
“Oh God, you’re going to be the death of me.” He muttered the words.
I glanced up to meet his gaze. “How?”
“I want to haul you up here so I can kiss you senseless, but I’m boneless after the best blow job ever.”
My first reaction, of course, was to deny it. He’d had so many partners—and not in a bad way. Surely I couldn’t have been the best.
Except, maybe I had. Or, more importantly, maybe I was the most memorable.
Deciding to cut him a break, I crawled up his body, lay flush against him, pressed our lips together, then thrust my tongue into his mouth. I’d never done this before. The carnality stirred something primal within me. That possessiveness was back. But not in an I need to control every aspect of your life way. No, more like an I want to be your everything because you’re that for me. I didn’t ever want to be without him. He was like oxygen, and although that scared me, it also gave me hope that I could be whole again. After what happened on that horrible December night, I’d wondered if I could ever be a fully functioning adult. Not just a father…but a companion. A partner to someone who would love me as much as I loved them.
I had my answer.