Chapter 44
Grace and Finn had been gone now for nearly an hour.
After approximately six dramatic goodbyes from Finn.
One solemn promise from Chase that yes, he would "still have cool scars next time."
And one aggressively serious hug that Chase had looked deeply unprepared for but accepted anyway, awkwardly patting the little boy's back while Finn informed him he was now officially "his fishing buddy."
Grace had thanked them both at least a dozen times, politely declined taking the fish despite Finn's passionate argument that "His fish would taste awesome," and eventually disappeared down the path carrying approximately half of a toy store while Finn waved dramatically over her shoulder yelling:
"BYE MR. CHASE YOU"RE MY HERO!"
Now, the lake had gone quiet again.
Late afternoon sunlight shimmered softly over the water while the occasional breeze rippled across the surface. Somewhere farther off, birds skimmed low near the edge of the shoreline, and for the first time all day, it was just them again.
Aria sat beside Chase at the end of the dock, feet dangling lazily over the edge.
And she couldn't stop looking at him.
Really looking.
Because God, the way he had been with Finn...
The patience.
The gentleness.
The way he had crouched down to eye level without hesitation.
The softness in him, the quiet protectiveness.
The instinct.
Like something inside him already knew exactly how to care for somebody little.
And maybe it was because of everything they had been through.
Or maybe because she had spent so long surviving that she forgot to imagine anything beyond getting him back.
But suddenly, she could see it.
A future filled with messy mornings and tiny shoes by the front door.
Him teaching somebody to fish or helping with homework.
Teaching them how to throw a football or build a fire or survive literally anything.
And somehow, that thought alone nearly undid her.
Beside her, Chase shifted slightly.
Then glanced over.
Brows pulling together.
"...What?"
She blinked. "Huh...what?"
"You keep lookin' at me with those weird gooey eye'd looks."
His eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Do I got somethin' on my face?"
Her mouth twitched despite herself. "No."
"Then why you starin'?"
How was she supposed to explain this without sounding insane?
She looked back toward the water for a second.
Then quietly she spoke. "I didn't realize you were so good with kids."
That caught him completely off guard. His expression softened immediately.
"What?"
She shrugged one shoulder. "I don't know." A small laugh escaped her. "I guess I just never thought about it."
Then quieter she spoke her words filled with emotion.
"When we were younger..."
Her voice softened around the memory.
"We both kinda had really crappy childhoods."
He nodded once to show he was listening.
"And after..."
Her eyes dropped briefly toward the water.
"After we lost the baby..."
Something shifted in his expression immediately, grief and sadness now filled his eyes.
"We kinda just stopped talking about kids after that," she said quietly. "We always said we'd wait." A tiny humorless laugh escaped her. "Till we were older."
"Stable," Chase added softly. "I remember."
That got a tiny smile out of her. "Yeah."
She nudged his shoulder lightly.
"Cause apparently twenty three year old and twenty two year old us thought we'd magically become adults."
"Pretty sure twenty three year old me was still emotionally twelve."
"You absolutely were."
He looked personally offended. "Rude."
But the smile faded from her face again after a second.
Because suddenly, the thing sitting heavy in her chest slipped out before she could stop it.
"But after today..." Her voice softened as her eyes stared at him.
She was watching his face to see his emotions as she spoke.
"You're gonna be such an amazing dad to our children one day Chase."
The words escaped easy and immediately, her entire body froze.
She had absolutely just said one day and our children.
As in: future. Their future. Together.
Her eyes widened instantly. "Oh my God."
She looked away. "Cool. Awesome. Love that I just said that out loud."
Silence followed her words. Silence and embarrassment. Mostly silence.
Too much silence.
Slowly, she turned her eyes back to him only to see Chase was smiling, the kind that reached all the way into his eyes.
Big. Warm. Completely unguarded.
"What?" she asked cautiously.
"You said one day I would be a good dad to our kids."
Her stomach flipped.
"Chase..."
"No," he said quietly, shaking his head once like he needed her to understand. "Sweetheart..."
His voice softened. "You said one day... as in our future."
Like he couldn't believe it.
Like the idea alone meant everything.
Heat climbed immediately into her face. "I hate you."
"No you don't and now is not the time for jokes babe." He shifted closer beside her.
Shoulder brushing hers.
Voice quieter now.
"There's not much in this world that would make me happier than havin' kids with you."
The breath caught in her chest.
Because he said it so simply.
Like it wasn't some huge terrifying thing.
Like it was obvious.
His gaze dropped briefly toward the water.
Then back to her.
"Not now," he added gently. "God knows I got too much stuff in my head to work through before I'm anybody's dad."
A small laugh escaped him.
"And honestly, I think we got a lotta healing to do first."
Then quieter he added.
"But someday?" He nodded once, "Yeah, that'd probably be the dream."
He added: "And before you spiral..." He pointed vaguely at himself. " All my equipment still works."
Aria choked. "Oh my God!"
"What?" he asked innocently. "You were thinkin' it."
"I was not!"
His look said liar.
Then quieter, a little more vulnerable now, "Doctors checked everything."
He shrugged one shoulder. "Nothing wrong there... I am apparently annoyingly healthy considering all the other nonsense."
That got an unwilling laugh out of her.
But then a quieter thought slipped in. One she hadn't meant to ask.
"Then..." She hesitated. "Why didn't you and Emily ever..."
Chase went quiet.
Really quiet.
His eyes drifted toward the water.
And for a second she almost told him never mind.
But then he exhaled slowly.
"That's complicated."
His jaw shifted once.
Like he was trying to figure out how honest to be.
Then finally...
"Bear with me for a minute."
Chase exhaled quietly, eyes drifting back out over the water like he was trying to organize thoughts he hadn't fully said out loud yet.
Because honestly, he probably hadn't.
Not completely.
His forearms rested loosely over his knees while the dock shifted softly beneath them.
"I've been tryin' to untangle a lotta stuff in therapy," he admitted quietly. "And with the lawyers."
That caught her attention immediately.
"The lawyers?"
His jaw shifted once. "Yeah."
A pause.
"Turns out..." he rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. "What happened with Emily ain't exactly simple."
Something in his expression tightened.
Not anger exactly, more conflicted.
Like he hated even thinking about it.
"But first..."
He looked over at her.
"I need you to hear somethin'."
She stayed quiet.
Listening.
"When I was Will..."
His voice softened slightly.
"I cared about her."
Honest.
Simple.
"She mattered to me."
He looked back toward the water.
"She was there when I was confused as hell and barely knew who I was."
A quiet pause.
"I think..." he exhaled slowly. "I think I mistook comfort for love."
That made sense.
"I know that sounds awful," he admitted quickly. "And maybe it is."
"But the more I remember myself..."
His jaw shifted again.
"The more I realize what I wanted with her wasn't..."
He hesitated. "Forever."
Not the kind he wanted with Aria.
"We never talked about kids."
His voice gentled.
"Not seriously."
"Honestly?" Aria asked.
A humorless little laugh escaped him.
"She had a lotta stuff she struggled with."
He paused carefully.
"Body image insecurity and after everything that happened to me..."
His eyes dropped briefly to the scars scattered across his arms.
"I hated my body too." His mouth twitched faintly into a frown.
"I was survivin', I see that now." He turned to Aria and offered a pitiful smile.
"Like..." he struggled for the words. "I can't explain why but she felt familiar."
He struggled saying this.
"But not..." He glanced toward her then. "Not like this."
She knew exactly what he meant, probably more than even he did... but she didn't think he was ready to hear that yet, so she stayed quiet and listened to him speak.
His expression shifted again.
"And now?" He sighed quietly. "Now I remember myself."
His voice lowered. "And I'm angry."
The honesty surprised even him a little.
He shook his head once. "Which sucks. Cause part of me still cares about her. Not romantically."
He looked down at his hands brows furrowed as he continued.
"She was like..."
He searched for the word.
"A friend... but what she did?" His jaw tightened. "She knew."
Aria's chest tightened immediately.
Because yes, Emily knew he was missing, lost in more ways than one. He had been so vulnerable and still...
Chase rubbed his hand slowly across his mouth.
"One of the lawyers actually told me..." He laughed once. Bitter. Disbelieving. "What she did could be considered a criminal ethical offense, which I have been told by multiple people now and after some self evaluation can see."
The words sat heavy. "It was manipulation."
He looked down. "And I hate that."
Immediately Aria could tell he was confused, in pain, and conflicted by this.
"I hate that I'm angry." His voice dropped quieter.
"Cause I know she was messed up too..." A pause. "But she took choices from me."
He tried to sit still but he was clearly agitated so she reached forward to rub his back.
"No, she didn't know who I was." His jaw shifted.
"But her actions despite her knowledge of their wrongness... kept me from finding you."
Silence stretched between them.
Lake water moving quietly below.
"I wanna deal with that right." He looked over at her again. "I don't wanna react outta anger or hurt. I think I owe it to myself..."
A pause.
"And honestly to you... to figure out exactly what I'm feelin' before I say anything."
He was saying he needed therapy, healing, and understanding before he caused destruction.
"But I know one thing now."
His eyes held hers.
Certain.
"The life I wanted?" His hand brushed lightly against hers. "That was always supposed to be with you."
Aria couldn't think of a single thing to say.
Because what exactly were you supposed to say after something like that?
Her fingers curled lightly against the wood of the dock.
"So what if I'm not enough?"
The words slipped out before she could stop them.
Barely louder than the water beneath them.
And immediately, she hated herself for saying it.
That sounded pathetic.
But there it was... the fear.
The ugly little thing living in the back of her mind.
Chase frowned immediately.
Like the question itself physically bothered him.
He turned toward her more fully.
"Sweetheart... where the hell did that come from?"
She shrugged one shoulder, suddenly very interested in the water.
"I don't know."
Lie. She knew exactly.
Years.
Loss.
He was quiet for a second.
Thinking.
Then gently, one finger hooked beneath her chin, turning her toward him.
"No, no babe you don't get to say somethin' like that and then look away."
There was that tone again.
The one that somehow always made her feel safe and exposed at the same time.
His brows pulled together.
"Listen to me."
She finally looked at him.
Hazel eyes steady.
Certain.
"There is not a universe," he said quietly, "where you aren't enough for me."
The certainty in his voice cracked something open inside her.
"You wanna know what I think?"
His thumb brushed lightly against her jaw.
"I think that I spent years feelin' disconnected and lost, and the more I remember myself..."
A small breath left him.
"The more I realize I've been homesick."
Her throat tightened immediately.
"Chase..."
His mouth twitched faintly.
"Turns out home was a very stubborn nurse with attitude problems."
That got the tiniest laugh out of her.
Good.
Because he needed to hear that.
"I'm serious," he said quietly. "Emily wasn't competition."
The honesty in that made her still.
"She was somebody who was a bump in the road when I was lost."
His voice softened.
"But you?"
That look in his eyes was compelling and heartfelt.
"You're the only one that I could come back for. I was Will for years with no memory because you will always be the key to me... no one else ever could measure up."
Then quieter he added.
"You're the person I wanna build stuff with."
A tiny smile tugged at his mouth.
"The good stuff like groceries, lazy sunday mornings, fightin' over what movie to watch."
A pause.
"Kids one day."
That one made her chest ache.
He shrugged lightly. "Honestly?" A tiny grin appeared on his face.
"I'm kinda excited about old married us, and I am going to marry you again when your ready."
Her brows lifted. "Oh yeah?"
"Yeah." Completely serious.
"You seem like the type that'd yell at me for forgettin' to take vitamins."
"I absolutely would." She smiled, feeling lighter already, his words healing something inside she didn't realize was still raw.
She leaned over and whispered low in his ear. "Every night."
"And I'd pretend to hate it." He grinned wider, turning to kiss her cheek.
"You would hate it." She leaned back then, looking at his cocky smile in fake aggravation.
"Probably." His expression softened again. "But I'd take them every time just so I could still wake up next to you."
This man.
This stupid, emotionally devastating man.
And before she could overthink it...
Before fear interrupted...
She leaned over and kissed him.