Chapter 46
The month that followed their weekend getaway felt almost surreal.
Like somehow, after everything they had endured, life had finally decided to loosen its grip on them.
Chase continued therapy with Naomi.
With her help, the memories had started returning, slowly at first, then all at once, brutal in ways neither of them had fully prepared for. Some memories left him quiet for days. Others woke him in the middle of the night drenched in sweat, fighting battles only he could see.
But somehow, the ugliness of it all was balanced by the good.
By Aria, Parker, Ethan, and the handful of people who had refused to stop showing up for him, even when he had forgotten how to show up for himself.
And for the first time since his return, Chase started feeling like Chase again.
Aria, meanwhile, had finally let go of the what ifs, the hurt, the anger, and the fear.
She stopped looking backward.
Stopped mourning the version of them that had been stolen.
Now she only moved forward.
Toward him.
Toward healing.
Toward the quiet hope of the day they would finally get to exist as just them again, without therapy schedules, worried friends, check in texts, and the constant feeling that tragedy sat somewhere nearby waiting to strike.
As grateful as she was for everyone who had helped hold them together... she was ready for normal.
Whatever normal even meant anymore.
Ethan had dropped in for a week, staying with Parker, and within hours of arriving, he, Chase, and Parker had disappeared into the woods on a hunting trip like three overgrown boys suddenly freed from adult supervision.
When he came home with a deer, Chase had seemed so much lighter.
When Chase and Aria managed to steal moments alone, they guarded them fiercely.
Slow kisses in the kitchen.
Lingering touches while nobody was looking.
Hands brushing beneath blankets during late night movies.
They had both agreed that sex could wait after all there had been too much hurt, too much healing still happening between them.
But everything else was fair game.
They shared quiet dinners on the porch.
Worked side by side in the yard.
And once, after getting caught in a sudden summer rainstorm while hauling mulch, they ended up tangled beneath hot water, steam curling around them as laughter turned into slow kisses and wandering hands.
Life, somehow was finally good.
At least...
Until the afternoon Parker showed up looking like he would rather chew off his own arm than deliver whatever news had brought him there.
The second Aria saw his face, dread settled low in her stomach.
Parker never looked nervous.
Not really.
Yet there he stood on the porch, jaw tight, hands shoved deep into his pockets like he was debating turning around and pretending he had never come.
Chase noticed too.
"What happened?" he asked quietly.
Parker exhaled hard.
"The lawyers called."
The warmth of the afternoon suddenly vanished.
"Emily got called in for cross examination."
Silence.
Then Parker looked directly at Chase.
"And they want you in court."
His jaw flexed.
"To testify."
Aria's stomach dropped.
Because if Chase had to testify, that meant she would too.
As the plaintiff... there was no way around it.
Aria's stomach twisted.
She had been worried about this.
Worried about how Chase would handle everything once the court process started moving.
He understood now that what Emily had done was wrong.
Understood the manipulation and the way she had delayed his return.
He even carried anger about it now.
But understanding something didn't magically erase complicated feelings.
And no matter how much Chase had healed, there might still be a part of him that cared.
A part of him that remembered comfort, even if it had been built on confusion.
Her eyes shifted toward Chase.
He sat in the Adirondack chair closest to the porch door, coffee in hand, sunlight catching against the sharp edge of his jaw.
The second Parker mentioned the lawyers, Chase went still, tense.
His shoulders subtly locked, fingers tightening around the coffee mug just enough to notice.
Like his body had braced for impact before his mind caught up.
Parker noticed too, his gaze flicked toward Chase then toward Aria.
And suddenly, decision made, without warning, he grabbed her lightly by the arm.
"C'mon."
Before she could question it, he was already steering her inside.
The door shut behind them.
"I need to talk to Aria," Parker called back toward the porch. "Back in a minute."
Silence answered.
Only once they were safely inside did Parker let her go.
Then he started pacing.
Fast.
Agitated.
One hand dragged through his hair while the other flexed at his side.
Aria frowned.
"Parker—"
"I can't see her again."
The words came out sharp, like he had been holding them in since the second he got the call.
He hunched slightly, arms wrapping around his waist as if physically trying to hold himself together, or protect himself from whatever this conversation was about to cost him.
"I can't do it, Ari." His voice roughened. "Last time..."
He exhaled hard, jaw flexing.
"I got attached for all the wrong damn reasons."
He looked up at her then, eyes tired in a way she hadn't seen in a long time.
And suddenly, she understood.
Oh.
Oh no.
"Parker..."
"Demi was my whole damn world," he said quietly, and somehow that hurt more than if he had yelled it. "Losing her..." He swallowed hard, shaking his head once. "Hell, it took somethin' outta me I never got back."
He started pacing again.
"I do the day to day shit because that's what she would've wanted." His laugh came out humorless. "Go to work. Eat. Sleep. Pretend I'm still a person."
Then he stopped, turned toward her, his eyes glassy now.
"But Emily..." He scrubbed a hand down his face. "Jesus Christ, Aria, that woman looks like Demi's damn twin."
The room went quiet.
"And I can't..." His voice cracked slightly before he looked away. "I can't get sucked into that again."
He dragged in a breath.
"We gotta tell Chase."
Aria's brows pulled together.
"Tell him what?"
Parker looked at her like the answer should have been obvious.
"Why he latched onto her."
His voice gentled then.
"He needs to know there was never love there." He paused to rub his hands together, a self soothing gesture.
"Trust?" Parker nodded once. "Yeah. Familiarity? Absolutely." His jaw tightened. "But it wasn't Emily he was responding to."
His voice dropped lower.
"It was Demi."
He looked toward the front door where Chase still sat outside.
"Subconsciously..." Parker swallowed hard. "I think some part of him thought he was protectin' somebody that he could not remember... someone he had already lost and that's why he stayed with her."
Aria stood perfectly still.
For a second, she could not quite process the words.
Because Parker had just said something that somehow felt impossible and heartbreakingly believable all at once.
Demi.
Of course... how had she not seen it?
Emily's soft features. The same kind eyes.
The blonde hair. Even the way she carried herself sometimes, gentle, careful, quietly nurturing in a way that made people instinctively lean toward her.
Not identical, no. But close enough that, if somebody had been lonely enough, broken enough, grieving enough.
.. she would be close enough to feel familiar.
And Chase...
Jesus.
Chase had been shattered, he had not known who he was, he had not remembered where he came from or who loved him and he had been grieving things he could not even remember losing.
Parker scrubbed a hand hard across his face like he hated every word leaving his mouth.
"I didn't see it at first," he admitted quietly. "Hell, at first I defended her too."
His laugh came out humorless.
"Thought maybe people were bein' too hard on her. Thought maybe she just loved him and made some really screwed up choices."
He shook his head once.
"But then I started really thinkin' about it."
His eyes shifted toward the window again, toward the shape of Chase sitting outside on the porch.
"He don't attach easy, Ari. Not emotionally. Not like that."
Parker was right of course.
Even before everything, Chase had always been protective, loyal to a fault, but guarded in his own way. The kind of man who carried everybody else before he ever admitted he was hurting himself.
He loved hard, but carefully and purposefully. He had been very picky about letting people in.
Parker leaned back against the kitchen counter, jaw flexing.
"Then I saw her picture in my drawer."
Aria frowned slightly. "Demi's?"
He nodded. "I ain't looked at photos of her in a long time."
His voice roughened around the edges. "Couldn't."
Aria felt her heart bleep for him because grief still sat inside Parker like something unfinished and she understood more than most what that did to a person.
It was so obvious to her now, Parker was still bleeding quietly but in a wat where nobody looked too closely.
"But when all this started happenin'..." He shrugged once. "I pulled some old stuff out."
His eyes dropped briefly.
"And Ari..." His voice cracked so softly she almost missed it. "It knocked the damn air outta me."
Aria swallowed hard, because suddenly, she saw it too.
Not just Emily.
Chase and the way he had talked about Emily at first. It had been protective and at times guilty.
Like he was responsible for her. Then she thought about the way he clung to caring for her even when confusion sat all over it.
The way he tried so desperately to make himself stay loyal to something that had stopped feeling right.
Like maybe some part of him had been terrified to fail somebody again.
Somebody he had already lost once.
Parker rubbed his hands together absently again, a nervous habit she rarely saw from him.
"Look he loved Demi," he clarified quickly. "Hell, he barely let her out of his sight in the field... she was like his little sister."
That sounded exactly like Chase.
The kind of man who carried guilt like it belonged to him. The kind of man who believed if somebody got hurt within arm's reach of him, then somehow he had failed.
Her stomach turned softly.
"Look," he said quietly, his voice roughening slightly, "he loved Demi. She used to drive him absolutely crazy too."
His expression softened despite himself, grief flickering there before he could stop it.
"She was mouthy as hell. Thought because she could outshoot half the men on base she didn't have to listen to nobody."
Aria found herself smiling faintly despite the heaviness.
Parker nodded once toward the porch where Chase still sat outside, unaware.
"And Chase..." He shook his head again. "God, Aria, he worried about her constantly."
His voice lowered. "Especially after me and Demi got serious."
Aria frowned slightly. "You mean when y'all were talkin' engagement?"
The look Parker gave her made something shift because it was not confusion... not exactly.
It was something sadder.
His jaw flexed once before he looked away. "We got married."
The words landed quietly at first and then they landed hard.
Aria blinked. "What?"
Parker exhaled slowly, leaning harder against the kitchen counter like suddenly standing upright felt harder than it should.
"Secret courthouse thing." A pause. "Small." His eyes dropped briefly. "Didn't tell anybody."
Her chest physically hurt. "Why?"
Parker gave a small shrug that looked more like surrender than indifference.
"Military." His voice roughened again.
"Tier One rules. Missions. Timing. Half the time we didn't even know if we'd make it back from deployment."
A pause.
"She wanted somethin' real before life stole the chance."
His throat moved hard. "So we did it."
Aria stayed quiet, because suddenly everything about Parker made more sense.
The loneliness and the way grief still clung to him years later.
The way he had looked at old photographs and would stare at her with pain filled eyes... and then there was the ring on the chain around his neck next to the extra dog tag that he never, ever removed.
She could see it now, the way he still carried Demi around like she had only been taken from yesterday instead of years ago.
"You know what the worst part is?" he asked quietly.
Aria shook her head.
His laugh came softer this time, broken around the edges.
"Chase never knew... he knew I loved her," Parker continued. "Knew we were serious. Hell, he used to tease me about finally settlin' down."
A faint smile ghosted across his face.
"Called me whipped."
The smile disappeared quickly.
"But he never knew we actually got married."
His voice dropped lower.
"Then he got taken."
Silence settled heavy between them as the facts came together, Chase had disappeared before Demi died in the field but he probably saw her injured and near death.
Which meant, when Parker lost her, Chase had not been there.
And if there was one thing Chase had always done, it was show up.
For everybody but most especially Parker.
"He would've stayed with me," Parker said quietly, almost to himself. "If he'd been there."
No bitterness sat in the words.
Only certainty.
"He would've made me eat. Made me let go of the bottle. Got me outta bed. Probably threatened to beat my ass when I started spiralin'."
Another quiet laugh.
"He was always good at carryin' people." His jaw tightened.
"Problem is..." He glanced back toward the porch.
"Nobody ever taught him how to let somebody carry him... except for you."
Aria swallowed hard around the ache suddenly sitting in her chest.
That was true, Chase gave and protected, he held people together even when he was broken, traumatized, and half lost to himself.
He still tried to save people.
Parker sighed and rubbed at his face.
"So yeah," he said quietly. "I think when he met Emily, some subconscious part of him recognized somethin' familiar."
A pause.
"Blonde hair. Green eyes. Somebody vulnerable."
His expression darkened.
"And Chase," He shook his head once. "Chase has always had a savior complex bigger than his common sense, in the field."
The words softened at the end.
"I don't think he loved Emily the way he thought he did."
A pause.
"I think he saw her and Demi was at the forefront of his mind even when he didn't remember her."
His voice lowered again. "Because he couldn't save Demi."