Chapter 9
I’m sitting in a small booth, sipping a vanilla shake.
It’s disco bowling night.
And as lame as it is, it’s the perfect camouflage.
With the lights turned down low to make way for the colorful strobes and the loud disco music, I can remain incognito as patrons are too busy grooving to the disco hits to pay any attention to me.
Some have even dressed up for the night.
With their flared pants and Afro wigs, one could be forgiven for believing they were transported back in time.
“Strike!” one very excited man with a fake handlebar mustache yells while using his hands as pistols to shoot down the pins.
It seems he’s very passionate about bowling.
Jupiter is behind the counter, handing out shoes to customers.
She wears her hair in two space buns. The glitter she smeared on her cheeks makes her appear more magical than she already is. She smiles at the small talk, but I know Jupiter, and like me, she’s a chameleon.
We say the right things to the right crowds, without drawing any attention to ourselves. And when we’re done, we’re merely just a face in the crowd they’ll soon forget.
She makes eye contact with me and mouths an apology for taking so long.
I shake my head, gesturing for her not to worry.
I watch her carry herself with nothing but confidence. It’s evident why she’s never shy of admirers. She’s beautiful.
Blonde and petite, adopting the girl-next-door vibe.
But she’s not interested.
However, she’s never rude to her wannabe suitors.
She simply gushes and pretends to behave coyly, always using the same cover story that she doesn’t have time to date because she’s her sick grandmother’s caregiver.
No one seems to question the ailing elderly story.
She’s working alongside some guy with a shaved head who has ogled her ass one too many times while she’s bent over to grab the rental shoes.
She can look after herself, but I can’t help but want to poke out his eyes, as well as the eyes of any other guy who looks at her.
In the beginning, I often wondered if perhaps I was gay because I am attracted to Jupiter. But I stopped trying to put a label on things and just accepted my feelings. It was easier than trying to fight something that seems to be as natural as the breath I take into my lungs.
I would say our love isn’t hurting anyone, but that’s not entirely true.
“Hey, girl.” Jupiter slides into the booth and places a soft kiss on my lips.
It’s not unusual for her to greet me this way.
But after today, my needy body craves more.
“I’ve only got a couple of minutes. We’re slammed tonight. What’s up?”
I skim my fingers around the lip of the glass nervously. “I’ve been thinking…”
Jupiter waits for me to continue.
“Maybe. Do you think… I mean—”
“Spit it out, Hallie.”
I gather my nerves and say in a rushed breath, “I think we need to stop because I’m scared we’re going to get caught.”
Jupiter looks at me closely, sensing something else. “What aren’t you telling me?”
Guilt overcomes me, and I avert my eyes, giving myself away.
“This has got to do with Smokes, doesn’t it? Just because you’ve slayed your demons doesn’t mean mine have gone away.”
Nothing slips past her.
“I know that, and I understand it’s selfish of me to—”
“It’s very fucking selfish,” she interrupts, standing abruptly.
Words evade me because she’s never spoken to me this way before.
“Jupiter—”
“No.” She shakes her head firmly. “I found Smokes for you. And this is the thanks I get? What happened to being my ride or die because I sure as shit am to you? Handing Smokes over to you on a silver platter is proof of that.”
She’s angry.
And she has every right to be.
My mouth feels dry, and my heart begins to pound madly. “Please don’t be mad at me. That’s the last thing I wanted to do. You’re my best friend, my soulmate. You’re the only person who’s been there for me. The only family I have. It kills me inside knowing I’ve hurt you.”
I beseech her to forgive me.
I implore her not to leave me, just like everyone else.
But Jupiter sees this as a betrayal.
“Feeling guilty doesn’t give you the right to decide what I should or shouldn’t do.”
I stand too because this has escalated quickly. “I’m not. All I’m saying”—I lower my voice and examine our surroundings to ensure no one is listening—“is that there are police everywhere. We will inevitably get caught sooner or later.”
“And?” Jupiter questions, folding her arms across her chest, unperplexed.
Is she serious right now?
“And I would rather live my life outside prison walls. I mean, maybe it’s time to stop?”
“Why the sudden change of heart? Something else has happened apart from Smokes.”
Instantly, my cheeks heat.
Jupiter senses the change and shakes her head, tonguing her cheek in anger. “Un-fucking-believable. You think we can just ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after? That was never an option for us!”
“Why not?” I question, unsure why it’s all doom and gloom. “Last I checked, we’re the ones in control of our future. We can do whatever we want. We can be whomever we want to be.”
Jupiter snickers, making me feel juvenile for even suggesting such a thing.
“Oh, save me the Little House on the Prairie bullshit. This is real life, Hallie. We’ve done some really bad things, and just because you’ve had a change of heart doesn’t erase all the horrible things we’ve done.
Do you really believe you can live a normal life?
Or that anyone will love you if they discover who you really are? ”
My lower lip trembles, but I hold back my tears.
My reaction is this way because what she says is true. Kit would never give me the time of day if he knew the truth.
“Oh my fucking God. This has got to do with a guy?”
When I don’t reply, she grows even more incensed. “Go on then! Go live your happily ever after. But don’t come crying to me when it turns to shit because we both know that it will! If you can’t even tell him your real name, then how do you expect to build a future with him?”
She’s right.
“Live your life the way you want. But don’t you dare tell me how to live mine. And remember, I will always love you…regardless of what you’ve done.” She spins and storms off, ending a conversation that was doomed from the get-go.
I watch her shove past oblivious patrons and into the bathroom. I could follow her, but what would I say?
Everything she said was right.
But I believe that I am too.
We’ve reached an impasse, something that’s never happened before.
This is an argument no one will win.
So what do I do now?
This is our first fight.
I feel sick inside.
Losing Jupiter would destroy me.
I decide to give her some time to cool off, and perhaps we both can process everything that just happened. Maybe she’ll see that I only come from a good place.
But as I walk out the front door, I realize that’s why Jupiter behaved the way she did—because she isn’t good.
The fresh air slaps at my cheeks, clearing my head.
Truth be told, I hate fighting with her. But I don’t regret expressing my concerns.
With a sigh, I drag my feet as I walk toward my car, feeling sorry for myself. But that sadness soon turns to paranoia as I glance over my shoulder, convinced someone is following me.
No one is there.
It’s likely just my guilty conscience playing tricks on me. Regardless, I can’t help but continue looking over my shoulder every few steps, expecting to see the boogeyman.
Unlocking my car, I dive inside and lock it hurriedly. Testing the handle to ensure it’s locked, I peer through the back window to make sure no one is loitering.
I’m alone, in more ways than one.
Fighting with Jupiter has left me unsettled. I gaze through the windshield, deep in thought, mesmerized by the strobing lights that dance on the hood of my car. The lights push back against the lingering darkness.
Blacking out is happening more often, and it frightens me. I hate this feeling of not being in control. So I try to concentrate on something that brings me happiness.
My mind drifts to my encounter with Kit today. I’ve purposely avoided looking at the time. There’s no way I’m going to give in to his arrogance and go meet him. Even though it’s only a short drive from here.
That’s beside the point.
I’m not going to be like every other woman and give in to his charm, no matter how good he smells.
“No,” I berate myself. “You’re not going.”
I swiftly put the car into gear and drive out of the parking lot. However, the farther I travel, the deeper the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach grows.
“Your eyes…they haunt me.”
“Fuck him,” I mumble under my breath before abruptly pulling an illegal U-turn in the middle of the road.
The car behind me beeps the horn. I place my hand out the window to apologize.
So much for keeping my nose clean.
Deep down, I know Kit will destroy me in one way or another, which is why I need to stay away. But the closer I drive to where I know he is, the more alive I feel. Those butterflies in my belly take flight, and that’s all that seems to matter.
I forget everything but him.
When I pull up to the address, I double-check to confirm I’m at the correct place.
I am.
When I punched it into the GPS and saw it wasn’t too far away from the bowling alley, I didn’t think twice about what the location would be because I had no intention of going, but here I am, parked in front of what appears to be an abandoned cinema.
This screams HBO documentary.
Funnily enough, however, I’m not scared, and that’s because I know what goes bump in the night.
Getting out of the car, I look around for any parked cars, but don’t see any. This part of town has seen better days. The majority of the shopfronts are covered in graffiti, even the ones that are still operational.
If we were in New York, I imagine this grungy vibe would be cool, but here, it’s just creepy.
I didn’t come this far to turn around, so I look for a way in. This old cinema would have been the crème de la crème back in the day. I can imagine an attendant in the small glass ticket booth at the front, handing out tickets to eager moviegoers.