Chapter 12 Lydia
Lydia
Eleven Months Ago
Blake wrapped his arms around my middle from behind, pulling my back to his front. I leaned my head back to rest on his shoulder.
“Mmm,” he groaned. He licked a line up the side of my neck and bit the sensitive skin behind my ear. “You look good enough to eat. I want to sink my teeth into you, baby.”
My laugh was throaty and sultry. People milled about us as we stood by the back wall of the gallery.
It was their grand opening, and having been responsible for curating most of the pieces myself, finding artists whose aesthetic and messaging complemented each other as well as what the owner was looking to achieve, I was invited to attend the event.
“Oh yeah, what else do you want to do to me in this dress?” I pushed my ass into his groin and swayed to the music that was playing over the speakers. He gripped my hips tightly with a low growl.
“Are you trying to start something here? Because I will throw you right over my shoulder and carry you home so I can show you every dirty thing I want to do to you,” he laughed.
I loved the playful, fun Blake. I loved the way he wanted me, wanted to be with me, all the time.
He was attentive and communicative. He didn’t cast me aside in favor of hanging with his boys all the time.
He showered me with presents, even still, after being together for months.
He was perfect. Well, besides that argument a few months back where he scared me and that time when we got kicked out of the restaurant.
He was almost perfect, which was more than I could have ever asked for.
“We should celebrate your big night.”
“I thought that was what we were talking about.” I winked, sticking my tongue out.
“I was thinking we should get tattoos. I want your name written on my skin for eternity, Lydia. You can get mine inked right here,” he said, kissing my forehead.
“Um, maybe we can think of a different spot,” I laughed.
He stared into my eyes, his gaze intense and studying. “Seriously though. I want to get a tattoo with you. I’ll put your name right across my heart.”
“Yeah? You would get a tattoo for me?”
“Of course. I would do anything for you. Would you get a tattoo for me?”
“Yeah. I mean, names freak me out. But we can get matching tattoos.” His face dropped.
I hurried to place a kiss to his lips to show him it wasn’t because I wasn’t in this for the long haul.
But rationally, we had only been together for five months.
I knew Blake though—he wouldn’t understand that.
He was all in. Another thing I loved about him.
“I’ll let you pick out where it goes, anywhere except my face. ”
“So, the forehead is still off-limits,” he smirked, the sadness in his eyes lifting. “I want to put it somewhere no one else will ever see it. Something just for me. A brand for you to know who you belong to.”
Goose bumps rose on my skin. He didn’t mean it like it sounded though. He wasn’t possessive or controlling. He just loved hard.
We stayed for a few more hours before we said our goodbyes. Blake had researched tattoo shops, even stepping out at one point to call and make the appointment.
“I have a surprise for you,” he whispered as we strolled into the shop. The dark space smelled of leather and body odor mixed with the disinfectant scent of their cleaning supplies. A woman with blunt-cut bangs and a shaggy bob greeted us at the door.
“You must be Blake and Lydia.” She smiled. Blake shook her hand first, and then I did. “Hi. I’m Renee.”
“Thanks for taking our appointment so last minute,” I said.
“Happy to. I also have the design all worked up for you to approve. Come with me and I’ll show you what I’ve got.”
I figured we would just select something from the premade designs, maybe ask for some slight adjustments to make it more original.
I spun to look at Blake. “What design is she talking about?”
“Surprise.” He grinned.
“Here you are. Let me know if you want me to make any tweaks to it.”
Renee showed us a really cool rendering of the letters B and L intertwined with vines and leaves. It was so intricate, it was almost hard to make out the letters inside the image.
“That’s fire,” Blake agreed. “It’s our initials, baby,” he said, wrapping his arm around me with a proud smile. “Isn’t it perfect?”
“I see that.” I tugged my lips up in a smile too.
“You can do both of ours tonight?”
“Sure. Matt is working with me, and he can take one of you while I take the other. We can bang both of these out in probably an hour or so, depending on the size you want it.”
“Nice. Okay, we’re going to put hers on her upper thigh, right over here,” he said, pointing to the spot near my groin. “And I’ll get mine on my lower calf.”
They kept chatting about the details and size of the tattoo, but I tuned them both out as I processed this design.
It was beautifully done. And technically, it wasn’t his name.
That was important to me, and he respected that.
It was just our first initial, and it was barely even noticeable inside the intricate design.
“Lydia… Lydia,” Blake called.
“Hmm. Sorry, what did you say?” I pulled my head out of my thoughts to find Blake, Renee, and another man—presumably the other artist, Matt—watching me.
“Are you okay with this plan?” Matt asked, his gaze focused on me in a serious look.
“Yeah, of course she is. We made this plan together just a few hours ago,” Blake laughed.
“I was asking the lady,” Matt’s harsh words cut in.
“Yeah. I’m good. I can’t wait.” I smiled at Blake and leaned toward him for a kiss. He met me halfway, his lips crashing into mine with more force than I expected.
“Okay, well, you can follow me over here, and we can get started,” Renee said to me, gesturing to the chair where she had her supplies laid out.
It was a good thing I loved him, and I knew that he loved me. Matching tattoos with our initials permanently inked into my skin was a commitment. But Blake was my endgame. Our love was the kind that people dreamed about. I would be proud to wear his initial on me until the end of time.
* * *
Present Day
Embarrassment kept me in my room until after I heard Seb leave for the day.
I was such an idiot sometimes. When he asked about my tattoo last night, I panicked.
It wasn’t my finest idea, and I hated that tattoo more than anything.
Just like Blake had told me, it was a brand, marking me as his. And I wasn’t his. Not anymore.
I didn’t want to talk about it though. No one else needed to know that I was just as foolish and naive at twenty-eight as I was at eighteen.
I guess some things never change.
I showered and got dressed, taking my time to apply my makeup today.
The concealer was needed to cover the dark circles under my eyes from staying up all night.
I told Seb that I wasn’t waiting up for him, but that wasn’t true.
I had tried to go to sleep, but the nightmare jolted me awake before midnight.
Maybe it was the strangeness of being in his house alone. Or maybe I just felt safer when he was here.
Either way, I couldn’t fall back asleep after that, wondering where he was… who he was with.
Did I intentionally blind him with the lights when his drunk ass stumbled home though? Hell, yeah, I did.
The heavy eyeliner and black lipstick helped me feel more like myself.
The old me… the old, old me, before my sense of identity was stolen, hacked away bit by bit until there was nothing left.
Back when I was strong and feisty, independent and self-assured.
That was the girl I needed to channel again.
The drive to SD Ink wasn’t nearly long enough, so I circled the block, stopping in at Flour Power Cafe for a coffee and donut before heading into work.
“Morning,” I greeted Seb with a grumble, handing him a coffee as well.
“What’s this?”
“Coffee,” I answered with narrowed eyes. It was my version of a peace offering for pushing him away last night when he was just making conversation. But if he questioned me about it, I wouldn’t hesitate to take it back and drink it myself. Even if I hated my coffee black.
Seb took the lid off, looked down at his coffee and then back at me. “You know how I like my coffee?” he asked, that annoying dimple of his making an appearance on his cheek.
I rolled my eyes with a huff. “It’s black, Seb. It’s not a difficult order to remember.”
He took a sip of the piping hot coffee, ending with that irritating “ah” sound.
“What’s on the docket for today? I’ve posted all of the content I had, so unless I start recycling images, I need something new to post.”
His social media pages had been a lot more active, but it was easy to lose your audience if you didn’t keep them engaged with new and interesting content quickly. I didn’t want to lose the traction I had been building up.
“I have a client this morning, but it’s a private session. Then I have two more appointments after that. A consultation at 1:00 p.m., and Kyle is coming back in at 4:00 p.m. to work on his leg.”
“I’m going to need to be here for Kyle’s appointment, but if you don’t need me until then, I’ll probably just try to get some things done from home.
Your house,” I corrected quickly. I had been staying at Sebastian’s for a week, and somehow, it had felt more like a home to me than staying at either my actual childhood home or with my brother.
I was comfortable there, never feeling like I was in his way or a burden.
Maybe because he didn’t hover over me, suffocating me, like the others did.
Whatever the reason, it was weird, but I didn’t like to think about why.