Chapter 22 Lydia
Lydia
A girl could hope, anyway.
After telling him about my relationship with Blake, I expected Seb to back away from me, from the idea of us being an us.
But instead, he listened and held my hand.
He kissed me tenderly, and then a whole lot less tenderly, like he knew that I wasn’t so fragile that he had to treat me with kid gloves.
He told me that I mattered. He showed me that I mattered.
I didn’t know I needed it, but he did. He knew exactly what I needed, and he was there to provide it for me. I could understand how he left a string of broken hearts in his wake.
I could see myself being one of them, if I were being honest with myself.
The music cut out, interrupted by the quiet buzzing of my phone, along with my daydreams of a future with Seb.
Luke.
Wow. It took him all of thirty minutes to call since he talked to Sebastian.
“You interrupted my jam session with Blondie,” I opened in mock complaint.
“Don’t start, Lydia.” His voice was almost venomous. I caught myself recoiling at the sound of it before the indignation hit, like a pre-anger, just simmering, waiting to be called to the surface.
“Don’t call me with an attitude before you even talk to me,” I shot back.
“Did you know what he wanted to talk to me about?” he rumbled.
“I can take a guess,” I sassed. “Don’t start with me, Luke.”
“I’m coming over.”
“Well, I won’t answer if you’re going to be an ass.”
“Lydia,” he warned. His voice softened. “You don’t understand. You’ve been gone for eleven years.”
“I’m not a child, Luke. I’m an adult woman who can make her own choices.”
With a determined growl, he said, “I’ll be there in five. Answer the door when I knock, Lyds. Or I’ll kick it in.”
I huffed a frustrated breath. “You’re so dramatic. It’s unlocked.” I ended the call before he could say anything else.
True to Luke’s regimented form, five minutes later, he opened the door to Seb’s house and stormed in.
I tried to hand him the beer that I’d grabbed from the refrigerator in anticipation of his arrival, but he didn’t take it, crossing his arms over his uniformed chest, his neat hair combed even after a long day at work.
“Suit yourself,” I muttered, cracking it open and taking a sip.
“Was he serious? Are you guys hooking up now?”
“That doesn’t seem like it’s any of your business, but yes,” I told him honestly.
I had no interest in lying to my family.
I was already keeping enough secrets about my past; I didn’t need to start that cycle over again.
And certainly not because they were going to be upset about something that wasn’t any of their business in the first place.
“It is my business. You’re my sister. You are my business.”
My eyes rolled to the back of my head, and I tipped the beer back for another long sip. If anyone could take care of themselves, it was me. I proved that by standing here in front of him, in Calla Bay.
“My love life is not your business. It wasn’t when I was in New York, and it isn’t going to be here in town. Just because you get to witness it for the first time in your life doesn’t make it your business.”
“I don’t care that you’re dating. You should be dating. Just not him, Lyds.”
Indignation turned to outrage. He wasn’t the one holding me when I had tears streaming down my face, reliving some of the worst days of my life, other than the day my mom passed. Seb was.
“What’s your problem with Seb? I thought he was your best friend. Now he’s trash because I like him?” I shouted.
“Seb has been my best friend for forever. I know him, Lyds. He takes a new girl home every weekend. He cycles through them like they’re on his own personal carousel.
And he never lacks for fresh meat. He’s only going to hurt you.
He might not mean to, but he will. That’s what he does.
He might say pretty things or break out the charm that women fall for so easily, but he isn’t serious, Lydia. He’s never serious about any of them.”
I wanted to tell him that Seb was serious about me, but we hadn’t actually had that conversation. I had no idea if Seb thought that we were just fooling around or if he wanted us to be something more.
Do I want us to be something more?
The answer formed before my thought even finished.
Yes. I wasn’t sure if I was fully ready to jump into another relationship, but the idea of missing out on a chance to see if we could make this work was making me nauseous.
“He hasn’t brought a single woman home since I’ve been here.
Not once,” I said, poking him in the chest. “Maybe you don’t know him like you thought.
Maybe there’s more to him than just how many women he’s slept with.
” Luke narrowed his eyes, and I thought I might be getting through to him.
“It doesn’t bother me. He’s allowed his history.
That’s part of his story. So, why does it bother you? ”
His shoulders sagged on a deep sigh, his voice softening. “I don’t want to see you get your heart broken. What happens when a week, two weeks, a month goes by and he’s ready for someone new? What happens then, Lyds? Do you just up and leave again?”
“I’m not the same eighteen-year-old girl I was last time, Luke. I know how to have conversations now. If Seb and I try this and it doesn’t work, then oh well. If I get my heart broken in the process, that’s my problem. It has nothing to do with you.”
Rage simmered in Luke’s eyes in an instant. He dropped his arms, holding himself stiff with tightened muscles, his jaw clenched.
A rough swallow bobbed down my throat. The refrigerator kicked on, making me jump.
“What do you mean, last time?” he growled
Shit.
I guess Luke really didn’t know all these years. And apparently, it hadn’t come up in their conversation today either. A million thoughts scrambled through my mind. Lie, don’t lie. Downplay it. Tell Luke it was none of his business. Plead the fifth.
“Lydia,” Luke said, pulling my attention to him.
“Did Seb hook up with you before you left for New York?” His voice was icy calm now.
A lightbulb went off behind his narrowed eyes.
“Something happened between you two, and that’s why you left like you did.
That’s why you started hating him out of the blue. ”
“Luke, relax. That was a long time ago.”
“I know how long ago it was,” he shouted. “Eleven fucking years ago. You were a fucking baby.”
“I was not. I was eighteen. And again, this. Is. None. Of. Your. Business.” I was shouting now too.
“Fine. But when this blows up and you’re the one left crying, I’ll still be there to pick you up and dry your eyes,” he yelled as he made his way to the door.
“Please. I’d call Scarlett before I called you,” I shouted at his back just as the door closed behind him.
I tried to sit and watch some trash TV after he left, but I was too amped up. How dare Luke come bursting in here, telling me off for dating someone. How dare he try to dictate who I was allowed to sleep with.
Besides, he was the one who forced Sebastian and me together. If it weren’t for Luke setting me up with this job, rearranging my living arrangements, I would still be hating Seb for wrongfully thinking that he used me all those years ago.
I wore a path on the polished hardwood floors, pacing the length of the living room.
My adrenaline started to wane after a couple of hours, and before I knew it, I was fading fast. Seb wasn’t going to be home for another couple of hours.
Anger still simmered in my blood as I washed my face and changed into a sleep set, crawling into bed to wait for him.
As soon as his deep, rich scent hit me, a weight lifted from my chest. I huffed in a deep breath, gathering as much of his aroma into me as I could. My breathing slowed, my lids growing heavy. As the anger at Luke seeped away, the feeling of guilt crept in.
I didn’t want to come between Seb and Luke’s lifelong friendship. Seb had been such an important part of Luke’s life throughout the years, it didn’t feel right to be the wedge that drove them apart.
But why should I have to sacrifice what could be something real and good just because Luke didn’t like it?
He was a grown man with a full life of his own: a good woman who loved him, impending fatherhood right around the corner, a career protecting and serving the community that he loved—and was really good at.
Thoughts and feelings jumbled my brain until finally, the sweet escape of sleep overtook me.
* * *
Bright rays of sun illuminated the house.
It was still early, only 7:00 a.m., but I had fallen asleep earlier than usual, so apparently, that meant I was up earlier than usual too.
The coffee maker, which was usually prepped and ready for the morning, sat empty.
After fighting to separate the filters, I measured out the coffee grinds and started a fresh pot.
It somehow didn’t taste as good as when Seb made it, but it would do in terms of a caffeine boost. I pulled one of Seb’s sweatshirts over my head and took my mug to the backyard to soak up some of the May sun’s warmth, and also so that I wouldn’t wake him.
His yard bordered his neighbors on either side of him, no fences between any of their property lines, making the space feel so much bigger.
Wildflowers lined the back perimeter in a colorful array acting as a border between the yards and the beach just past them.
The sounds of the ocean, methodic and calming, floated through the salty air.
I took a sip of my coffee just as the sliding glass door flew open, bouncing off the rubber stopper with a thud.
I jumped out of my skin.
“Holy hell, Seb. You scared the shit out of me,” I said. My hand flew to cover my racing heart.
Sebastian’s eyes held an intensity unexpected at this early hour. He stalked toward me like a predator, pulling my mug from my grip and gently placing it on the patio table without a word. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me flush against his chest.
“I thought you were still asleep.” My arms draped across his shoulders as I tilted my head up to look at him. He studied my face, his gaze tracing every inch like he was trying to memorize it. “Are you alright?”
“No.”
“Can I do something to help?” I lifted to my toes, placing a kiss to his underjaw.
His low growl sent a shiver down my spine, so I did it again, this time adding a little bite.
“You weren’t in bed when I woke up. You weren’t in the house. I thought for a second…” he said, trailing off before finishing that thought.
“Thought what?”
“I thought maybe Luke talked to you yesterday. Just so you know, he’s not super cool with this.” His mouth touched mine in an intimate, sweet kiss. His full lips were soft yet firm. Seb pulled back, ending the kiss far too soon and resting his forehead on mine.
“Oh, I know,” I groaned. Seb opened his eyes, a flash of fear or anger crossing his face. “He did come by here yesterday, all pissy and judgy. I told him it was none of his business who I date. I am a twenty-nine-year-old woman who can make her own choices.”
Seb’s dimpled grin spread over his cheeks. “Of course you did. But you’re not twenty-nine yet. You still have four more days to claim you’re in your mid-twenties.
“How did you remember when my birthday was? I haven’t said a word.”
His honey-brown eyes darkened, the tension between us thickening. “It was kind of a big day for me one year. I’ve never forgotten that date.”
My heart sent a hard kick to my ribs, butterflies taking flight in my belly. I eyed him skeptically. “Seriously? Or did Luke remind you?”
“Yes, seriously. And I don’t think your brother is going to be giving me birthday gift ideas for you.”
“He’s not just my brother. He’s your best friend too,” I reminded him.
My finger traced the pattern of one of his tattoos over his right pectoral as I worked up the courage to say what was on my mind.
“If you want to walk this back, I get it. I don’t want to be the thing that gets between your friendship.
If it’s going to ruin things between you two, we can go back to being just friends.
I won’t even go back to hating you,” I joked lamely. “See, how chivalrous of me.”
“Lydia.” He held my chin between his fingers, lifting my head to meet his eyes.
“For about three minutes this morning, I thought you were gone. I thought he had gotten into your head and convinced you not to give me a chance. I’ve never felt panic like that in my entire life.
If you think I am going to voluntarily let you go because my buddy has an issue with it, you’re delusional.
I’ve waited ten years, eleven months, and twenty-six days for you.
He can fuck right off if he thinks he has a say in this. ”
“So, we’re doing this? You and I?”
God, his smirk could melt the panties right off my body. “Fuck yeah, we are. It’s you and me, little wild.”
I crashed my mouth into his with a surge of emotions.
Holding on to his shoulders, I hopped up, wrapping my legs around his tapered waist. To Seb’s credit, he didn’t miss a beat.
He squeezed my ass cheek with one hand, his other cradling my head with his fingers laced into my knotty locks.
I tried to get closer somehow, pushing myself into him as we fought for control of the kiss.
“Take me back to bed, Seb,” I said between kisses.
“So bossy.” He smirked against my lips. He could complain all he wanted. He still carried me back to our room and laid me down on the mattress, covering my body with his.