Chapter 34 Lydia #2
“I’ve got this, mama. Don’t worry. I’m just in the other room,” Reid laughed. He grabbed the diaper bag and took Colton with him when he left.
Scarlett exhaled a long breath. “He’s only been left alone with me and Luke so far. This is kind of a big deal.”
“You’ll get used to it. Maeve smiled. “They say it takes a village for a reason. I was terrified to leave Jane with anyone at first too. This isn’t his first rodeo with an infant though. He’ll be fine.”
“Reid or Colton?” Claire laughed, reaching for her water on the side table.
“Both,” Maeve said.
“You’re right. It’ll be good training for when he has his own one day,” Scarlett joked. Claire coughed, nearly choking on her water.
“Must have gone down the wrong pipe,” she choked out.
“Enough about me and babies. Let’s get to the real question,” Scarlett said. All eyes turned to me in creepy unison.
“You guys spend too much time together,” I huffed.
“How are you?” Scarlett finished.
“How about we open that wine first?” I suggested.
“I’m breastfeeding, so I shouldn’t,” Scarlett said.
“Yeah, I’m going to skip as well,” Claire responded.
Maeve grabbed the bottle, twisting off the cap. “Well, I just finished breastfeeding, so I’m opening this.”
“Good. I didn’t want to be the only one drinking. I mean, I would have, but I’m glad I don’t have to,” I said.
Claire grabbed a couple of glasses and a water for Scarlett. We all settled into the family room a few minutes later, and again, all eyes were focused on me.
I sank back into the couch with my wineglass.
“I don’t know what to do. I miss him so much.
I just don’t know if I can trust myself.
Is this just a normal fight between couples or a waving red flag that I can’t ignore?
I don’t know if I know the difference anymore.
I thought I did, once, and it turned out I was wildly wrong. ”
“I get that,” Claire said. “Do you think Sebastian was trying to manipulate or control you?”
“No,” I confessed. “I don’t think so. But what if I’m wrong?
What if this is just the start of something worse…
‘You’re crazy, Lydia. Everyone thinks so.
Everyone agrees with me that you’re the problem.
I never said that. Why do you make me do this?
If you just did what I wanted, I wouldn’t get so angry…
’” My mind was tumbling through all the times I‘d heard those phrases or variations of ones just like them. The moments before or after a big fight when apologies were filled with blame and excuses. The metaphorical flags that weren’t just waved in my face but thrown at my head, and I ignored them anyway.
“That doesn’t sound like the Sebastian I know,” Maeve said softly.
“Hmm?” I pulled myself back to the present, away from the minefield inside my head. “Oh, no. That wasn’t Seb.”
“Can you see Seb saying those things?” Claire asked.
“He told me I was crazy. Well, I guess he said, ‘Are you crazy?’”
“That’s not really the same thing, is it?” Scarlett asked.
“Do you guys think it’s a red flag? Or am I being…” I almost said it about myself, but I stopped.
“Cautious,” Maeve said. “You have every right to be cautious. We all should be. It’s not a bad thing to look out for patterns that concern you.”
“But be careful not to let what happened to you in the past ruin something good for your future,” Claire said. “I’m not saying that Sebastian is that good thing. That’s for you to decide. But projecting past trauma on someone else isn’t right either. Seb isn’t Blake, Lydia.”
He really wasn’t. Sebastian was kind and playful. He was funny, driven, and compassionate. He was selfless, even when it hurt him to be so. He took pride in his work and in himself. He was loving and affectionate, and he dealt with my bad attitude with a smile and a cup of coffee every time.
Sebastian wasn’t Blake, and it was unfair of me to lump them together simply because Seb said something that triggered a reaction inside of me.
My leg bounced erratically. I wasn’t even sure when I had moved from leaning back to sitting up, but suddenly, I was half out of my seat.
“I think I need to go,” I said.
All three of them smiled back at me. “Sure. Drive safe,” Claire said.
I looked down at my full glass of wine. I hadn’t even taken a sip yet.
“Yeah, leave me with the whole bottle to drink by myself,” Maeve laughed.
“Thanks for letting me talk that out.” I shot up, but before I could put my shoes on, Claire stopped me.
“Wait. Should you maybe put some clothes on first?”
I looked down at the borrowed pajama shorts and loose Wilder Construction T-shirt that Reid had given me two days ago when I’d shown up with nothing but the clothes on my back.
“Not going to lie, Claire. I kind of hope the clothes will be the first thing that goes.” I smirked.
Maeve giggled like she wasn’t married with two kids, and Scarlett hooted, “Get it girl.”
I slipped my feet into my shoes and yelled another bye on my way out.
It was early enough that SD Ink should still have been open, but when I passed by, all the lights were off. I drove to the other side of town to Sebastian’s house. Our house.
Home.
Sebastian’s car wasn’t there either. I debated about calling him, but what I wanted to say was better in person. I let myself into the dark house and immediately felt a sense of rightness.
I kicked my shoes off at the door and padded my way to the couch.
As much as I wanted to roll around in bed, surrounded by the scent of Sebastian, I wanted to see him more.
Waiting for him to go from the door to the bedroom wasn’t even an option.
I wanted to be here as soon as he opened the door.
Hopefully, he wouldn’t keep me waiting all night.