Chapter 12 Rae
CHAPTER TWELVE
RAE
The drak slices through the air until it slams down on top of the platform with a deafening crash, then skids. We spin, with me clutching at Jai like a starfish on a clam, until we plough into a cluster of rocks.
The impact breaks my desperate hold and I scream as I fly off the drak—but shadows rush, grabbing me and ramming me back into the saddle.
I wrap myself around Phaethon’s back once more, shaking like a leaf. Oh Gods… We’re still spinning.
The drak lets out a plaintive scream, squirming, as we finally come to a stop.
My breathing is so loud in my ears, punctuated by my thumping heart, that nothing else registers for long moments. Nothing but the feel of Phaethon’s back against my brow, the rise of his muscular shoulders with each breath he takes, the knowledge that we’re both still here, still alive.
Both of us, or the three of us.
Plus the drak.
Crazy laughter bubbles up and I snicker.
Nobody else seems to be around. Has no other human made it up here? Not surprising, but my heart sinks nevertheless.
The shadows around me tighten and slowly lift me off the saddle, thick like serpents. My arms slip free as I dangle, my laughter fading. The shadows move me over the drak’s side and lower me gently to the ground, then retreat, wreathing him in darkness.
Shadows. Thick, strong shadows. Which means…
I swallow hard. “… Jai?”
He turns his head, still astride the drak, and gives me a crooked, sweet smile. A smile that is all Jai.
He shoves the black hair out of his eyes and the way he looks at me… Oh my heart…
The drak shifts, and Jai lifts one leg over the saddle. Slides down.
And falls to one knee. “Godsdammit!”
Something in his voice makes me look closer, and I stand there, gaping. “What in the world! How did that happen?”
A dagger is sticking out of his thigh, the hilt set with flashing gems, but… a fucking dagger is sticking out of his thigh.
“When did that happen?” I demand, fear sharpening my voice. “I was inside that drak-filled tunnel with you all this time, and there was no knife stuck in you, so how…? Who did that to you?”
His mouth twists but his smile returns. “I did.”
He did. Oh, right. Of course… What? “By accident?”
“No accident.”
Wait, he has stabbed himself in the thigh on purpose?
“Why in the five hells would you do that?” I demand. “You harmed yourself!”
“Why do you think?” His lips peel back in a snarl. “To control Phaethon.”
Holy sleeping Gods.
“Control him through pain,” I whisper. “You said that.”
“Yeah, with fucking pain.” He grimaces but that brilliant smile returns. “And here I am.”
“How does he let you do that?”
“I catch him unawares while he’s busy gaping at your antics.”
A snort escapes me. “Really.”
“Wasn’t that why you did it? Yell and call Remi to create a distraction?”
“It was to distract the drak from snacking on us,” I say, “but sure, make this about yourself.”
His smile turns into a wide grin that reveals that delicious dimple in his cheek. “Of course it wasn’t about me.”
“Just so we’re clear.”
“But you didn’t want me to get eaten,” he insists.
“You were needed alive to tame the drak.”
“That was the only reason.”
Yes, I want to say, of course that’s the only reason.
But I can’t say it. Because it’s not true.
And his grin softens. A black moth flutters over him, landing on his shoulder. “Rae…”
No. No, no, no. This can’t happen. I take an instinctive step back. “No.”
His smile fades. “No, what?”
“No, I can’t do this.”
“Do what?”
“You said you don’t really want me.”
“I said that? What the fuck?”
“That speech about only having one mate? Does it ring any bells? And you hid things from me.”
“The speech.” He frowns. “But…”
Is he seriously having trouble recalling what he told me?
“Let’s get out of the arena first,” he says, his frown deepening. “Finish this game. We have a lot to talk about, about the king and that mark he put on you. About us.”
Us. The word snags inside my mind like a thorn, because it’s not real. There is no “us.” So I ignore it.
My gaze moves to that dagger, so incongruously still stuck in his flesh. “And that?”
“Yeah, that.” His tone is rueful. “I don’t normally stab myself quite so violently. It was a desperate move.”
“If you pull that dagger out, you may bleed to death.”
“I know. I’ll use shadows to bind the wound.”
“Practical uses,” I mutter. “I approve.”
He shoots me a funny look that manages to make my heart somersault inside my chest. What’s up with that, right?
Then he grabs the hilt of the dagger and rips it out of his flesh. A sound escapes him, and blood wells up in the jagged wound, running down his leg and splashing to the ground.
I hiss in sympathy. Fear grips my chest in a vise. This moment reminds me of Phaethon’s words, about Jai dying, and I realize it hadn’t occurred to me that he’s mortal, despite his powers.
After an endless moment, or at least it seems that way to me, his jaw unclenches and he waves a hand. Shadows gather and start wrapping around his thigh.
Useful, I almost hear Remi’s voice inside my head and can’t help but crack a smile.
“All done,” he grunts.
My hands itch to touch and prod, make sure he’s stopped bleeding out to death, to check he’s all right. To help.
I clench them at my sides. “What now?”
“If you want to play the game, you have to ride a drak,” he finally says, teeth gritting against the pain.
“Yeah, Phaethon said so.”
“Phaethon is a bastard.”
I sigh. “Yeah, I know. I’ll ride behind you, as we did before.”
“No, that won’t work. You have to ride your own drak to win,” Jai says. “You got the key for it.”
I blink as his words sink in, even if I see the logic in that. “What? On my own? Are you crazy?”
A laugh escapes him. “Yes. Then again, you knew that. Any more questions?”
“Yes! How am I supposed to get the others, let alone survive, if I can barely sit in the saddle on my own? I’ve never been on a drak before now. How am I even supposed to get a drak to come down and let me ride it?” Hysteria is bubbling up. “Jai—”
“I’ll help you.” He takes a limping step toward me. Dammit, he’s still bleeding all over the place.
“The wound—”
He winces. The shadows flare around him and more slide around his thigh. “I’ll be fine.”
I swallow hard. “Okay. And we get the others—”
“No.”
“Jai—”
“No way. I don’t give a damn.”
“The others—”
“There is no way, makhair. We are supposed to die, don’t you get it? Who else can ride draks other than me? And one drak can’t carry more than two people. The only reason it can carry you is because you’re too thin.”
“Wow, thank you.”
“You need to eat more, build your strength, and… Where are you going?”
I keep walking away from him. “To find a drak. Because there’s no way I’m leaving the other humans to die out there.”
He sighs. “Rae. Wait.”
“You’re not Jai,” I grumble, “you’re Phaethon. Jai wouldn’t let those people die.”
“I am Jai, dammit, and I set your life above all others!”
“Why?”
“Are you really asking me this? Those other humans haven’t helped you. You owe them nothing.”
I stop and turn around to face him. “Oh, come on—”
“I’m not here to save fucking humankind, makhair. I’m not a holy man. I thought I was put here by fate to take down the king and stop him from hurting more people, stop him from opening a gate and conquering another world, but now… I think I’m here to protect you.”
“You do realize that you carry Phaethon in you, the one who can help the king open the gates and conquer another world?”
He winces. “Yeah.”
“We all make plans without knowing what is in store for us,” I whisper.
“Yeah. So let’s go.”
I shake my head. “I’m going to save those other humans. Call a drak for me, will you? Be a dear. I’m going.”
“Don’t, Rae. Don’t do it.”
I show him my teeth in a vicious grin. “Watch me.”
“So stubborn,” he says, and there’s awe in his voice.
“You mean pigheaded and annoying. I own it.”
“I mean you’re strong,” he says. “The strongest person I’ve ever met.” He sighs. “I’d save them, you know I would. But not if it means losing you. I won’t live with that.”
Warmth spills inside my chest. “I’ll be fine.”
“Fine? There are draks hunting us down.” He gestures at the sky. “We need to get moving, we need to get airborne and leave the arena as quickly as possible. I thought you knew that not everyone can win.”
“I won’t let more people die if I can help them. It won’t happen. Not on my watch.”
His rueful smile returns. “I should have known. Fine. I go where you go, Rae. This time, I won’t be left behind. Command me.”
I stop. Those last words… they strike a chord within me. I don’t understand it yet, don’t know what he means by being left behind, but I know he’d go with me, that he’d save the others if he thought he could.
I believe him. Gods, I believe him. How does that fit in with the picture the king has painted of him, compounded by my resentment at being dismissed as second choice? With the king being my long-lost love? Why does my heart pull me to Jai, not to the king?
“I’ll call a drak for you and we’ll look for survivors,” he says quietly. “But you’ll ride alongside me as we search for your friends. And if after our first sweep we don’t find them, we’re going to the palace. This trial is over. Agreed?”
I nod. “Agreed.”
“Thank fuck,” he says with feeling, and it’s my turn to smile.
So he can call draks down without Phaethon’s help, and Phaethon can call shadows, but neither can access the full potential of that power while they fight one another for control… for better or for worse.
The wind lashes Jai’s tattered shirt and his ink-black hair. He bows his head and lifts a hand, shoving his fingers through his dark locks. Such a Jai-like gesture, I think, such a familiar thing. It means he’s concentrating on the task at hand.
How is it possible that I know his tells and habitual gestures when I’ve only known him for a week?
This is so weird.
And why does it feel so right?